I HATE the new search thing. I can't ever find anything. InTexas is interested.

The 180 list for Got2:
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,
etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more
important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him
someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &
focus on all the other parts of your life that are not
in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than
50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in
absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes

Swans'songe-

Thanks so much for listing this 180 got2. It's very uplifting.

I just started plan b a week ago. I emailed plan b to WH and copy to his parents. H read it before he come over to store his bike in the garage and I had to give him a ride back to his buddy's house he's been statying with.

Earlier that day, we saw each other and talked to each other 2-3 times. But, it got to a point where those talks have ended in debates. I knew it wasn't going to get any better because he was still talking/seeing OW. I decided to do 180 on him with plan B.

This is the scene after he stored his bike:

H comes in the house.
Him: "Hi"
Me: "Are you ready?" (I grab the keys very cool)

In the car:
Him: "I read your email. I understand."
Me: (nothing..no reply as I back out of the driveway)
Him: What are your plans for tomorrow? (3 min. into the drive)
Me: "Work"

Five minutes into the drive:
Him: "How's your family?"
Me: "They're fine."
HIm: "How's your sister?"
Me: "Fine"
Him: blah, blah, blah about his trip for the next day.
Me: (nothing)

Another five minutes later as I pull out in front of his friend's house:
Him: "Thanks for dropping me off," as he opened the door.
Me: "Good luck."
Him: "Good luck to you, too." I hink he said this because he thought I would fall apart while he cut off contacts with everyone (per his MC) and do soul searching.
Him: "I'll call you in two weeks"
Me: Nothing
Him: "Bye, hon"
Me: "Bye" He closed the door and I drove away.

I don't think he expected my reaction and demeanor. But his demeanor reminded me of a little boy who just got scolded. Thinking about it almost makes me sad with pity for him.

But thanks for the list.

Stargazelily

Me: BS (46)
WH: 42
Dday: 2/1

Swan's Song,

Thanks for the 180 list. I've recently started on a course that's pretty much like what's described, and I have no idea how it's affeceting my WW, but I feel better.

But, again, thanks for the list, because I find it helpful to have a checklist like this to make my choices of how to more foreward more concrete and easier to implement.

I think this is one of the earlier threads on the 180 process.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=3&t=000476

********

There's an embedded link in the above thread to carolkh's thread on how she applied 180 techniques. For convenience, her personal account is:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880;p=1

Hope this helps.

can you do the 180 list in Plan A? What about asking about contact? I'm a little confused.

Cantgiveup,

I'm by NO means any sort of marriage-saving expert. To be honest, I'm in the middle of a marriage destruction experiment being run by my WW that boggles the mind.

That said, however, knowing what I now know, I sincerely wish that I had implemented much of the 180 strategy long ago. My Plan A was all about trying to make my WW happy, and to her that all looked like an attempt to control her through indirect means. Instead, make the changes you need to make to be a better person, but otherwise, if I had it to do over, I would implement the 180 ideas, at least enough to keep me from looking like a needy wimp.

Good luck!