Jennifer,

It seems amazing but my Plan B is over. My husband is home and sleeping 5 ft from me as I post this reply. Yesterday, I called him and told him I needed him to come by this weekend and sign our tax return. I became annoyed and was very firm with him, telling him that he would have to set a specific time as I had things to do. I planned to give him a NC letter and have him sign the tax return and a quit claim deed so I could start moving on. I was honest with him and told him I felt this girl had him by the ba*** and that she was extremely similar to his exwife. I also told him that I was willing to work on our marriage and that this was not an offer that would be on the table indefinitely. I was calm and unemotional and just stated the facts. I left it with him to think about. He called this morning and said he was leaving work early to go by and get his things and coming home. As soon as he got here, the phone calls started with the OW calling and hanging up when I answered. She then had her 8 yr old ask for my H. I told her that I was sorry but she couldn't speak with him and that she should tell her mommy that they couldn't call him anymore. The OW continued the calls for the next few minutes and then my husband said let's change the number which took all of 5 minutes. Hopefully, problem solved. Her LB has now made him more sure of his decision and he says he is through with her.

I am not so naive as to think this is it. I know that he will be tempted to call her in the next few weeks and I will continue to support him and be loving and understanding as outlined in SAA. We will start MC next week and he has pledged complete honesty.

We are going over to the coast to a hotel tomorrow night for a mini getaway. I am taking SAA and will go over the EN section so we can get started on establishing which are our most important EN.

Is this too good to be true? I am afraid to get too optimistic but I don't want to appear too negative either.

Nkay

Nkay,

I guess I'm concerned that this is still too soon. I'm not trying to sound negative, and I could be WAAAY off, but I think he basically got his foot back in the door with you.

I think maybe some of the others should add their input to this. My marriage never made it to any kind of plan. I didn't have a place like this to come to, at the time.

I just want to make sure that you are following this in the best way possible, so that your marriage will survive. This is why I would like to see the experts chime in, here. For me, this is sort of like seeing someone in surgery on the table, and even though I have my opinions, I'm not the surgeon. I want to be very careful in what I would suggest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

The one thing I will say, is to be very cautious. And remember, words=words and actions=actions. I know he is displaying the best of both, right now, but I'd still be very careful.

Anyone else care to advise or comment here?

I wish you the BEST, NKay, and please do keep posting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

Nkay,

Good to hear from you and wow, what a turn of events. Caution is what I would recommend since it could quickly turn the other way.

You didn't mention why the sudden change on his part. It is recommended you both get a recovery plan going. See if you can call Steve H @ MB ASAP.

Have a nice time at the coast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Time to use that clear mind and calm heart. Just sit back and let him come out and tell you why he feels he s/b allowed back home. You can ask but not be nagging or pushy.

take care,
L.

Thanks guys for the feedback. The weekend went well and he seems to be my H instead of WH. I am keeping my eyes open and watching everything. One thing that was different is that he reported that she left him 2 TM over the weekend on his work phone. He is going to check with his boss to see if he can chg out the work phone but says he will not answer if she calls. In previous false recoveries, he did not disclose her attempts to C him so I am pleased.

We will still start MC even if things seem good.

Thanks,

Nkay

i have to c my wife everyday in plan b when i dropk ids off at house after school...

It has been almost two weeks since WH came home to be H again. We are doing well - spending more time together - talking more. We have yet to have our first MC appt not from lack of trying. It is hard to find a C on our plan that isn't booked solid. We have our first appt Tue. I am standing strong on this one. I am still saying NC with OW at all and we must get MC to protect our M. H is in agreement. He says OW has not C him - I am still watching closely. Checking cell phone records; he always accounts for his time for my sake.

I am still being careful. It will take a while to get over being suspicious.

Just wanted to let everyone know how I'm doing. I still check in to see what's going on.

Nkay

Glad you were here with an update. I'm happy that things are going well, so far. Just stand your ground and be strong!! I wish the very best for you! Keep us posted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

We are having a setback to R. We have had 2 MC sessions - not much help I'm afraid. Both H and I said the right things. I just didn't feel better. I have noticed that H has had 2 calls w OW over last few days on his work cell. He called her today - can't tell how long the calls are though. He seems down and pretty much fell asleep right after dinner so no chance to talk.

I don't want to panic but I am worried. I knew OW would not go quietly. What should I do?

Nkay

Did he ever write a no contact letter?

No - he did speak with her in my presence saying that he was back with his wife and they were over. He then changed his personal cell phone number so she could not call.

We discussed his changing his work phone but did not follow through. It was one call today but he called her. The previous call was a missed call from her and then he called back. I suspect she left VM for him - she has tried to use her D to get through. My H is fond of the child.

i don't want to go through this again. Am I overreacting?

Nkay

He needs to write her a no contact letter - it should say the affair was a HUGE mistake, he loves his wife, and wants to work on his marriage - that he wants no contact from her for any reason ever again.

See if he will do it.

oh Nkay, I am very sorry to hear that you are having a set back.

{{{{HUGGGSS}}}}}

Thanks, Zuj.

I think that he came back too fast. It's hard to say which way is better to go. I could have made him wait to come home until I was sure he was out of the fog. However, his coming home ended the PA for sure. He is now having a problem stopping phone contact although it is not frequent. Make sure your H writes a NC letter. That will be my next step. I just spoke with H prior to logging in and told him that his C with OW hurts me and has to stop. He said the Convo yesterday was 2 min and was not pleasant. He was concerned about the OW Child and it seems she tried to use Child to gain access. He admitted that he is aware of it and sounds disgusted with OW right now. I will try to convince him to do NC letter but he says he will not call her again.

Nkay

Oh dear. I hate that they can drag children into it. OMG children are too fragile as it is.

How dare OW use her son as the excuse. And I hope that your H WILL do the NC letter.

I HOPE that my WH will become my H again soon and do one too! LOL!

Thanks, Orchid. I will work on him this weekend.

Nkay

Sorry, Believer. I just realized it was you who last commented. You have both been such a help to me along with Jennifer. Thanks for the feedback. It helps so much.

Nkay

nkay,

Don't be down about your first couple of sessions with MC not producing much fruit. A lot of the first 2 sessions are about info gathering and basic ground rules to keep you from sliding farther backward. Your MC probably spoke of clear communication, etc. Probably asked a lot of questions too. WW and I didn't get homework till the 3rd session. Be patient. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Best wishes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Nkay, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a difficult road that you are on, right now, but I believe it is a well worth struggle. Because it has a purpose. So just keep your head up, and keep moving ahead. The light WILL get brighter as you go! You just have to weather the storm!

(((Nkay)))

Take Care and keep us posted!!

Jennifer

My WH is back to being my H and things are great. We have starting spending lots of time together. We do date night on Fridays without fail. He always keeps me aware of where he is; checks in several times a day. We are doing great in every way but - I have noticed that occasionally he will call the OW. When I ask about it, he says he just called to check on her because he heard her daughter was in the hospital and she won't take his call. I keep telling him he should have NC with her and shouldn't call her at all. Then a week or so later I see a call on his call log on his work cell. He knows I am checking it so he knows I will find out. He assures me that he will never cheat again. He knows he screwed up and would never let it happen again. I believe that he is where he wants to be and I don't believe he is seeing the OW. He claims he just wants to know she is OK. It appears she has moved on. He left her to come back and she was begging him to leave me and stay with her. She became very angry when she lost and I guess really got angry with him.

I don't know how to convince him that he should not even call once in a while.

I am still watching him very carefully to make sure he is not falling back into the fog and I don't see any evidence that he is.

What should I do?

Nkay

Hi
I have been in Plan B for 14 days with no contact of any kind. However our daughter is 17 and has been communicating with her dad through cell phone calls and text messaging. I know he asks her for updates on what I am doing and wanting to keep his nose in my business. What should I do? I try to be vague with my daughter when I make plans so she has nothing to report back to him. It's frustrating because I know they must have a relationship.
Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you