I have a OW in my life and my guy say take it or leave it I am a weak women what should I do I am so sad<P>SORRY CAROL

Carols22,<BR>Welcome to the Marriage Builders site and so sorry you feel you need to be here. I Know you're sad. This is a tough situation and none of us like dealing with it. But you are not weak. By seeking help and advice, you are showing strength and a desire to survive. <BR>First read all areas of this site. You will find alot of useful information. Ask for a list of recommended books and read all you possibly can. There are so many very helpful ones. Check your local library for the suggested books and sit down and read, read, read.<BR>After getting all the info you can, only you can know what your best course of action will be. Do you want to hang on and rebuild your relationship? There are alot of people on this forum that are dealing with your same situation so please know you are not alone and there is hope. Continue to post and be strong. You can make it through this.

Hi Carol,<BR>It is so sad to have to go thru this.... I am glad you have found this site where you can read the many posts here and the answers and help that we all try to give each other...<BR>Keep posting, and reading, expression helps in this situation and you may also discover you are not as weak as he or you may think...whats more you may also find out that he is not as strong as he may think either...and when the chips are down and his bluff is called, he then has to go responsible for his own stuff without your support he may start to sing a different tune....????<P>We invite hardship into our lives for us to learn and grow from....we grow wise and strong from the experience and along the way we learn to relate to others in the same boat...learning about how we sell ourselves short...how we lower our self esteem believing we are not as good as others...how we have believed we were not worth loving....how we have accepted others values as truth for us...how we have thought we were not worth the space we occupy on this planet...how we have put our pride and prejudice before acceptance and compassion...how we have allowed our fear to rule our lives and stifle our growth and creativity.....<P>I wish I could tell you there is an easy way to learn these gifts of experience...but there is not...however your journey need not be alone there is help everywhere...and you have taken the a positive step toward it already by posting here....<P>Keep going...<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>

Carol,<P>Hi there and welcome. You will find lots of support and help here. If this happens in your life you couldn't have come to a better place.<P>I am very rushed for time. I do however suggest that you read the book Surving An Affair. It was very helpful to me next to this site. Also read everything you can on this site on infidelity. Not just on the message board part but all the other stuff too. I even printed it all. Ended up with a note book over 1 inch thick.<P>Good luck and you'll be in our prayers.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

thank you for you kind words. let me tell you what H did last nite I should have never let him do this i am sick about this he and his OW and I slept in the same bed and ect.my H is the bread winner I have a big problem oct 15 will be on first full year together with him these last 2weeks he wants it 2 times a day he has gone crazy!!!and now this bimbo.<P><BR>I have no money to leave him and he knows that I could put up with him but now this bimbo in my bed. I have told H i will try to please him in bed and not to bring bimbo back if he brings her back please what should I do<P>AGAIN THANK YOU ALL CAROLS22

please can anyone give me any idea <P>thank you again<BR>carols22

help please help!!!!!

This sounds a little too odd. I believe on this one I shall suggest the hardest route and tell you to stand up and say enough. I can understand people (myself included) that want to still be in there spouses life after an affair but this is a little different. I could not do what you are doing. Call it pride, call it self-respect. (The again I believe it is my pride that has partially brought me to where I'm at) I say be strong, we are here for you and will help if we can, but you must take the first step and tell H that this is not right. Have you spoke to my good friend about this? Who? God...this sounds like a perfect time.

Carol,<BR> Tell your H that you will not tolerate another woman in your bed or your house. So he's the breadwinner? SO WHAT?????<BR> Get yourself checked for STDs, too; and get out and get yourself a job so you can be independent.<BR> More later. Kids just came in.

thank you for all the replys this is real and i feel i have no choice my h knows about my past {drugs}and he has no respect for me and i have no respect fo me to i feel so down..

Carols22:<BR>I feel so bad for you, I just finished reading these posts and everyone here is great, I have been in this site almost every night for the past 2 months. Just recently I had the nerve to post. I was always so afraid that my H would read them because we share the same password but he hasn't. I can't even stand that my H has talked to the OW on the phone so I really know that there is no way I would ever allow him to bring her into our bed. You do deserve a hell of a lot more respect than that. You are loved, God loves you first and foremost and will always look upon you and think you are perfect just the way you are. We are all sinners in one form or another but God knows that and he loves us anyways.Gods love is not something that you can earn it is his gift to you. You have to first pray for forgiveness for the things that you know that youv'e done that you knew werent right, ask him to come into your life, and then ask him for the strength and courage to do what you know needs to be done. It is not an easy road, believe me I've done quite a bit of lovebusting myself but he will help you if you allow him to. You have a purpose here on earth and you are important to God and to us.

cher thank you perhaps you have help me BUT bimbo is here can you beleave the nerve of this girl sick sick sick how can i get the hell out of here!!<P>thanks are all men sick like my h

when is making love not love anymore its more like me being his toy and i feel like i just got rape!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Carol,<P>You really need help and we hear that ...but I am not sure if this is the right place for you to get the help you need....we can give you support and words that can help in the short term...but gee girl you need professional help one on one ...there must be counsellors in your town or nearby that can give you that help.....this really needs eyeball to eyeball help...but you have got to take the first step...!!!!!<P>You always have choice no matter how the situation looks...you are where you are because you want to be...and it can come over as if you have no say in the matter and can feel totally helpless...it is up to if you want to keep that belief....but the bottom line is...only you can make a change there...no one else....<P>When you really get sick of being in that situation you will make a move and maybe just be surprised at how easy it was to make....<P>You do have the courage, the intelligence, the will, and maybe you dont have much self respect right now...but you can get it if you want to...but you must want to first...tell yourself you deserve better...tell yourself you are worth loving...tell yourself you deserve a real nice guy...tell yourself yuo deserve a good life....!!! and let your God and universe get to work to help you complete your transformation.....<P>Good luck and build yourself up....you are worth the space you occupy on this planet just like the rest of us....<P>Blessings<P>cossie<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>

Carol,<P>While I'm a big fan of Harley's "surviving an affair" principles, this isn't just an affair you're facing. It's abuse. You need to leave. If you have family or friends, go to them. If not, get to a women's shelter. But you really must let your husband know that you will not tolerate this treatment anymore.<P>If you don't stand up for yourself, you're going to be living the rest of your life like this. Find some professional help to get you out of this situation.