Ok heres the skinny, I revealed my ex's relationship to the other mans wife and he broke it off with her. They work together, but not directly, just the same organization, my ex was very upset for a while but in the last few weeks we have decided to try to work things out. She still has feelings for him but she does ok when hes not around or hes leaving her alone. I never did reveal their relationship to his employeer and they have a strict policy against that type of thing. He is very afraid of loosing his job. My ex has never specifically told him to leave her alone, she just says that its over and shes accepted it and she wants to get on with her life. In the last couple weeks the other man has tried to talk to her on a few occasions and a few days ago touched her arm. She says she just walks away when he tries to approach her. I think we have a chance at rebuilding our marriage but she needs more time to get over her feelings for him. Is it inappropriate for me to send him a letter clearly stating that if he continues to made advancements towards her there will be consequences. I think if we have a few months to work on rebuilding she will get to the point where she will be able to tell him off herself but if he doesnt leave her alone she might fall back into their relationship. I think he is scared enough about loosing his job that if he knew I realized what was going on and I was serious about informing their employeer he would back off, at least for a while. I know some of you will say that I should not threaten and just reveal their relationship but I dont think that would be the best action, I think it would be best for her to get to the point where she can tell him to leave her alone, shes just not there yet and if I would inform on them she might loose her job also and that would destroy any progress I have made in getting her to reconsider our relationship. HELP!

Atomic,

I went through something similar. My WW and the OM worked together for the same company at the same location. I too thought that if I let her have time to come back that she would. I did not threaten his job because it could threaten hers as well. At first they agreed to stop seeing each other so I thought there would be a chance. I backed off.

I was wrong. That was about a year and a half ago. Both of them ended up leaving their spouses and children to be together. 4 Children total between 2 families. I wish I had pushed harder on him. I wish I had really made a clear message to him at the time about his job and other things.

What you are doing is allowing them to continue contact. The longer that happens the less chance your marriage has. I would confront him face to face if you can. Send a strong message. It should be one that if you even talk to her I'm going to HR. If she talks to you turn away and walk or else.

But don't take my word for it. Do what you think is right. You have to make your own decisions.

P.S. I wish you the best of luck. I went through H. E. double hockey sticks. I hope you do not have to do the same.

If I saw him face to face Im afraid one of us would end up bloody, most likely him because Im 20 years younger. I know he is deathly afraid of loosing his job and I think he would take me seriously because I already told his wife, etc. My ex told me that when I told his wife and I was thinkin about going to their work about it that he was almost in tears about his job so I think its a weak spot for him. Im just suprised he isnt backing off already, I think he doesnt realize that she tells me whats going on now, if I make it clear to him that shes being honest with me and Im willing to cause him some major problems he might rethink his position.

Just a suggestion from what I have learned. Do not reveal how you know. Because as soon as you reveal a source it will disappear. When he knows that your wife is being honest then he will tell you wife to clam up.

Maybe the letter is a good idea. Just let him know you are aware of the situation. Or maybe go to his wife again. Your call.

P.S. Your right. Don't have the face to face then. It's not worth it. I tried to have a face to face but he ran inside and locked the doors when he saw me coming. LOL.

his wife is stupid and said that she doesnt want to know whats going on, they are going to work on things privately. Hes got her brainwashed. I sent the letter stating that he should leave her alone or I will cause him problems basically. It might backfire but Im at the point where i wouldnt die if ended up separated permenantly, even though I would still like to repair things for our children and I do care about her still, just not like I did...