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If you have decided to drop a bombshell on a loved one by revealing (exposing) an A in their M, how would you prepare them?
Last edited by LLG; 03/28/06 12:25 PM.
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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^
^
^
^ Have a thought on this?
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 589
Member
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 589 |
^ ^ ^ ^ [color:"orange"] Share and share alike [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Hi, RC, Help me out...what do you mean by I in their M? Be gentle with me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> LA
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I too am wondering what the "I" represents
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LA, I will be gentle. Sorry to both of you, Infidelity <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,975
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Hard question. IMHO, "innocents" don't believe that their marriage is going to include infidelity. I would have thought that the only thing I needed was to be independent and capable of supporting myself because I was certain that if my H cheated on me, I would divorce him.
I had a brief discussion on marriage with my DD shortly after she married and rather than talking about infidelity, I stressed the need to communicate and also be aware of each other needs.
Sorry, but I don't think anyone is ever really prepared for infidelity, even those who have been there before.
Who
I am the BW,
He is the FWH
D-Day: 12/02/03
Recovered
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LA, Send me on my way, any take on this one?
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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Posts: 2,160
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Friend, you're looking for something that doesn't exist. There is no easy way to tell a family member his or her spouse is committing adultery so sit down with your loved one in privacy, take a deep breath, and just start telling them what you know. Get it done so the healing process can begin, okay? The situation is not going to get better all by itself.
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If you have decided to drop a bombshell on a loved one by revealing (exposing) an A in their M, how would you prepare them? depending on my level of closeness to the person I was about to talk with I am assuming I am addressing the unbeknownest betrayed spouse "I hate needing to say this to you because I care for you. But, because I care for you I feel you need to know something. I don't know this for certain, but I suspect your spouse may be romantically involved with XXX. When this happened to us, this is what helped us fix our marriage. (list books, resources, etc.) If I am speaking out of turn, let me know and I will never bring this up ever again. Sorry."
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Thanks you Longhorn. Pepperband, Thanks for the words to give to loved one also.
I know there is no easy wayt o do this. I guess I just wanted to help them get ahead of the game rather than behind. Thank the good Lord above for MB. However with all of the info that is out here many times the BS has to get past the emotions that seem to over take you. So I guess I want to help the person be prepared for the worse first. To expect what is coming in their feelings about themselves and WS and feelings that will behurt. Second guessing themselves, doubting themselves and so on.....
Maybe I'm precluding too much.
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
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