Here's a repost on this forum to see if I get ay bites...
My H's EA has been revealed ( I finally found proof of months of phone contact that was kept secret and lied about.)
There is a promise of no contact from both sides (I spoke with OP as well.) My H has gone out of his way to prove the no contact on a daily basis - letting me know where he is - and where his cell phone is...
He has expressed deep sorrow for hurting me and we are dealing with his feelings of unhappiness with our marriage openly. However, the details of this relationship have yet to be discussed fully. Every time I bring it up, he is completely defensive and won't explain the details at all. He completely shuts down (for the obvious reasons we on this message board understand.) When the topic comes up, rather than explaining the truth, he just keeps telling me I am wrong about this or that assumption - or in intense moments of anger and defensiveness, he puts the blame on me ("your actions are to blame for you being hurt by this relationship.")
I want to get past this so that we can deal with OUR relationship. How do I know when enough time has passed to have a real, honest conversation with him about this?
I desparately need it to move to a healthier place - mentally, physically and emotionally. I think he understands this, but I'm afraid to bring up the topic because he always shuts and I can't afford any more wedges between us now- in this crucial time.
