Hi. Haven't seen you around, but I haven't been around much myself lately.

Here's my update: I've got a trial date for my divorce May 1-2. As a friend told me, I'm like a celebrity - going to court to get divorced - only without a celebrity's money!

The other thing you might find interesting is I've redeveloped a friendship with XBF - just friends, don't worry! Last weekend, he and I and another dv'd woman friend went out to dinner and to a concert. About a month ago, he and I went out to dinner and to a concert. We send e-mail jokes back and forth occasionally. No big deal, but it's better than feeling awkward around him since I run into him regularly.

What else? My dad is 98 (99 in May) and slowly dying. I've been flying across the country to visit him as often as possible - going for the 4th visit in a couple of weeks. It's hard, but he's ready to go, just having a hard time with the gradual loss of mobility, vision, hearing, continence, etc. He's been on oxygen since last week, which has limited him even further...

And finally, my niece, H's niece who lived with us from 14 to 18, is doing great! She just got a job working in the same field as my business and I told her if she goes to school she might be able to take over when I retire. That would be great for both of us.

Hope you and the kids are doing well.

Good to hear from you LT!

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. I remembered he was older and your traveling, but I am sorry his health is failing. It's nice you're able to visit him being that your far apart. I will keep you and him in my thoughts.

SO, you have a court date. AMEN! I know that must seem far away from now, but it will be here before you know it. Gain your strength during this time between now and then. Be strong. You have been waiting a long time for this date.

I can see how you would like your niece to work with you, or take over. You have come across as very fond of her. How wonderful.

So, re-kindled friendship eh? That's great! Sounds like you are very okay with it, and in that case, I'm happy for you.
As long as you're comfortable with it, I see nothing wrong with it. I'm glad for you that you are getting out and doing some fun things.

For me, my girls are doing well, thank you for thinking of them and asking.

AHEM.......I guess I would label myself as dating someone.
The story is a neat one. He's someone thats name has been brought to my attention by several people for a period of time now. He lost his wife 2.5 yrs ago, so I have been extremely hesitant to meet him.
He came into the clinic I work at 4 weeks ago and introduced himself, and said that the meet was overdue.
I guess he is now in a place where he is feeling stronger, and is ready to openly date. He like me, apparently had a growing relationship in there for about the same period of time and handled it very much the same as I did mine. Nothing to be proud of by any means, but just tells us we were not ready for those relationships. We have been to lunch several times, and 3 evening dates. So far, I'd say we are pretty compatible, but there is much to learn about each other still.

While I'm very excited about him, I'm that concerned that dating a widower could be difficult, not to mention, letting go of my heart, scares me.
He also has two children. His son is my oldest daughter's age [15] and has a daughter 13, my youngest is 11. I've known of his children, mostly due to their story, but just now have really met them. They seem well adjusted and sweet kids considering what they have been thru.

So, I'm moving forward with caution. Enjoying the innocence of learning to know someone and how fun that period of time is.

Thank you for checking in. I'm glad things are going well for you LT, with the exception of the news of your father. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Take care, and keep me updated!
K!

KARONA!! You sneaky girl!! I'm very happy for you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like the beginnings of something very nice. Have your girls met him?

Keep us posted!
DW

Karona, I'm excited and happy for you! Is this the guy you'd mentioned before? I think you said you'd been told about each other but he hadn't yet contacted you, if I'm remembering correctly. As a widower, I guess his "baggage" is different, but not necessarily more problematic. And, it's nice your kids are all around the same ages.

Sounds like you're doing everything right, taking it slow and enjoying getting to know each other. Now that the cat's out of the bag, you'll have to keep us posted!

K, glad to hear you are doing well.
My DD's counselor told me that widowers are the best to find. She said, you don't have the overhang of an X, and your competition is dead. She also said they likely loved and lost someone - which is what happened to most of us.
Go for it.

K:

You deserve only the best in life - am very happy for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR

Hi DW~~ uhh, didn't mean to be sneaky......didn't want to say anything too soon, and now that's we have known each other a month, I think, hmmmm, what do I call this??

Thank you for the happy thoughts. I appreciate them.
Yes, my girls have met him and seem to think he is a pretty nice guy. We live in the same small town, so they knew who he was, but had never spoke to him previously. My youngest says, he's cute, but not a hottie. Gotta love my little K!

Yes LT~~ this would be the guy I most likely have mentioned at some point. His name has been mentioned to me since I became separated. I didn't appreciate his name being brought to me because of his circumstance, and the timing of it all. I knew he had a journey ahead of him.

He apparently was aware of me and claims he wondered?? He had been told my name also, but when he was told my name, he says, he didn't know who I was. The funny thing is, he didn't know that me the person went with the name.

I think I like your insight on his baggage. Maybe different, but maybe not so huge. Thank you!

Newly~ interesting! While I understand what the counselor is saying, there is also the side of, this woman is a Saint. He has told me they had the perfect marriage and the way he speaks of his wife is admirable. So, that leaves me feeling, wow, can I even come close?? I guess I need to realize now, that it's not a competition. I can't be her, and actually, don't want to be. I admire her strength and courage for the fight she fought, and I have to stop there. He did tell me at one point, "she would have liked you" I took that as a positive. Thanks for the encouragement N!

And to my Bud FR~~
As you only deserve also, the best!
Time is key here and I'm trying very hard to attempt this "potential" relationship with extreme care. You won't be pleased to know that I poke my head out of the rock, only to pull it back in. I must work on that!!

Thanks to all of you.
K!

Oh Karona-

I am so happy to hear things are going well for your girls and for you too. I am also excited to hear that you are opening your heart and mind to the chance of a new relationship. At our age, everybody will have some baggage to carry, but often times with that baggage also comes experience and a much more open outlook on life. It sounds like you are handling things very well. I wish you all the best.

Take care and God bless!

K

Would you rather be with someone who had the perfect marriage or a trainwreck like us?
Think of how much you have to learn with someone who "got it right" the first time.
Imagine being treated the way your deserve. Imagine being cherished. So many possibilities await . . . .

Hi Still! Thank you for your kindness as well.
You are right, at this point in life, most of us have experienced unpleasantness, hurt, or otherwise, but we can all learn from it and grow.
I'm trying very hard to apply wisdom where needed this time. I feel I've grown a lot since my last relationship, but I know I will be a continuing work in progress.

But please tell me, how about you? What is going on for you? Kids okay? Tell us when you can.

Newly~
You said that quite well! I think I'll pass on the trainwreck. I will try learning instead. Thanks!!

And DW? Can you fill us in on bf? Tell us what's going on there for you??

K.

Hi again-

I agree I would rather have the perfect marriage than the train wreck, but what marriage is perfect? Furthermore, I think that sometimes in dying the spouse is put on a pedestal, and that is hard to compete with. Still, it sounds like he isn't doing that. He obviously loved his wife very much, but seems to be liking you for you and not making comparisons. Things seem to be going very well. I say enjoy it, you certainly deserve it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As for me, ending this relationship has been horrendous. I never realized how controlling he was until I tried to leave. Life has been very trying, but it is getting better. I never got back the money for our Vegas trip, but that is ok. I was a small price to pay. On a positive note, I am taking a trip to Mexico with some girlfriends and can't wait! I know I sound like I have a lot more disposable income than I really do, but I really need this for me and am really excited.

On top of this, my XH is at it again. It seems the oldest two kids aren't showing their love for him and their stepmother enough so they are trying to force this love through punishment and consequences. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he just hangs up. All the kids are being stressed and I am considering taking it back to the GAL.

So, there is my life in a nutshell. Things are pretty rough now, but can only get better. It was so nice to read your great news. It really gives me hope!

Take care and God bless!
K

LOL! THAT is beyond cute. I'm so glad your girls like him.....have both sets of kids met each other yet? Them all being around the same age is pretty neat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for the widower part, I don't think it's unusual either that the deceased partner is put somewhat on a pedastal. My mother did the same of my dear Dad. I would say it took my mom a good 2-3 yrs to get back on her feet, so sounds like just the right timing for you guys. I so wish you all the best K!

You are so sweet to ask....well, *knock on wood* things are pretty darn good. Much better than I thought.....don't get me wrong, it's been a bit of a bumpy ride reconnecting, but the key has been communication on both our parts, and I tell ya, it makes all the difference in the world. I still have my moments of doubt and pain...that kind of hurt doesn't go away overnight, but he's done a damn fine good job of being true and steadfast, comforting, loving and kind, all the while dealing w/ his own feelings of guilt.

I still struggle w/ the feelings of, okay, when's the other shoe gonna drop, cuz the man has cut out on me before, but I'm really working on that, continue to work on forgiveness and continue to watch ACTIONS big time.....

Our next big hurdle is re-introducing children, and even though he's ready NOW, I'm not so much. I just need a little more time to be sure of US, kwim?

Time will only tell, but I think we are going to make it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for asking!

Hugs
DW

Still~~

I'm sorry your XBF is being such a challenge....your safety is not at risk, is it? I only ask, b/c my XBF, the one who is eerily similar to yours, turned out to not only be a bad boyfriend, but a bad person....I made the mistake of letting him back in my life on a FRIENDSHIP basis only, and it turned out to be a HUGE mistake. He got a bit psycho on me and really showed his true colors.....

Stay safe!

As for your XWH, what's a GAL?

Hang in there SR and will pray that things start improving for you. Have a WONDERFUL time in Mexico <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

DW

Still~~
Wow, amazing that xbf has turned out to be so controlling. The positive note is, you followed you instincts and have not allowed yourself to become victim of it.

I'm excited about your trip to Mexico. I took my trip to Florida after the break-up with my bf to be with friends. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. It was a growing time as well as a total freedom feeling. ENJOY!

As far as x and sweety, what do x's want anyway? They create these lives of deceit and the children are supposed to always treat with respect. Selfish people. I'm sorry your kids are having a hard time, and I really don't like to think of you having to go back yet again.

You mentioned about the spouse that dies being put on a pedestal. My sister also said that to me. Maybe she really was that wonderful or maybe this is what he is doing. Regardless, I have to assume she was wonderful, but hope that I can be special on my own right and without comparison. Only time will tell.

I need to go for now, but I will respond DW. Sorry!

K.

GAL = guardian ad litum (appointed by courts to look after kids interests...)


Now help me -- what is "kwim"? (I see it all the time, and have racked by poor lil brain to come up with what it means!)

ahhhh.....



kwim="know what I mean?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

"Know What I Mean" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

oh DUH....LOL.

could not figure that out for the life of me...

THANKS!

Back DW~~

Yes, my youngest keeps my life interesting. She is the funny one.

I'm sorry to hear about your father. I am glad to hear that your mom is doing well, and the timeline seems to match up with this guy. I think I worry more about the whole situation than he does.

I'm very glad to hear things are progressing well for you and bf. I'm equally as happy to hear that he is doing a fine job at making you feel special. That's awesome!
I will say this, but need to put it into practice myself.
Try not to concentrate on the other shoe dropping. I'm guilty. I find myself stringing out my heart a bit, then pulling it back in. I need to give my guy a chance, but it's very hard when you've been devastated a couple of times. I think your guy is genuinely sorry and willing [by the sounds of it]to make this work. Wonderful for you!

Yes, I do understand about the kids. Our kids get attached, and we need to be cautious.

My oldest and his oldest have been thru elementary and now HS together. They have a class together, but they do not talk to each other. Funny kids. I'm sure its awkward for them.
Our youngest's met each other briefly at the mall last weekend. Other than that, that's the extent of the kids having contacts with each other. I think he and I will need to get to know each others kids before mixing. YIKES!!!

I wish you all the best DW. I'm glad to hear things are going so well.

K!