I have a couple other posts out there but I wanted to give you folks the back story so I can get a reading on what has happened in the past and if it is possible to get back from this. I mentioned earlier that I hadn't seen my family in several months now...I did this to appease my w. This is why.
I had lived in a house - prior to meeting my w. My parents owned it...but told me I was a partner in the property. But they never put my name on the deed....even at my request. After my w and I got married I began to push them to get my name on the deed - but they kept stalling me. When my daughter was born...again they kept stalling me. I wanted to own my home with my w and not with them. I had put a great deal of money into the property (tens of thousands) for improvements and the value of the house skyrocketed.
Finally w got so frustrated with the situation - so I had to do something. My folks had given me a written doc. with how much I put in and how much was left on the house for me to pay before I owned it outright. So we went to the bank to get a loan for the amount they told me I owed. We were preapproved for the loan and presented it to my parents. A HUGE fight started between my mother and my w. My mother said we weren't married long enough. She wasn't going to give the house away for nothing - the price they told me originally...and shouldn't my w contribute.
Just prior to this my w quit her job...to stay home with our daughter. We felt certain that they were going to sign the deed over...that is I guess until they had it appraised and found out what it was worth. Then they jacked the price up more than double what their price was for me...to make sure my w paid.
We said no...that we would rather get our own place. ALOT more fighting...and they essentially said my w was after their money she was a b**** and was not getting anything from them for free. it went on and on. My mother actually dropped letters off at my house giving a list of everything she had done for my w and shouldn't she be grateful.
They had always told me they were going to give me the money I put into it plus a signifcant amount more - because it was a family deal and we should all benefit. That never happened. When it all came out in the wash - they nickle and dimed it down so I actually lost money on the deal.
So we finally found a house...bought it and moved in. I sold off everything I owned from the old house - I had many valuable antique furniture...some things my p's gave me and many pieces I had bought. I sold it all - so we could have a fresh new start.
I didn't speak to my family for a long time...so that we could get our space - particularly after all the things they said about w. She said she didn't want our daughter around them when she wasn't there - because they would talk about her behind her back. But for good reason - she didn't want to see them. My m has been a train wreck since this...but still has not said she is sorry for the way she treated my w...and still has not given me the $ she promised. They are financially well off.
I thought we were happy in our new home...and could move on. I felt close to her. We had a good sex life and were an intimate couple. We had not been able to go out much - just the two of us....because we didn't have much cash after buying the house. My w went back to work - to help with the finances.
and as you have read in my prior posts - her job is crazy.
Then last week she dropped the bomb - saying she was not happy. And didn't know if she could get it back - this past year has taken a toll on her. I don't know if it is an excuse for the EA...because everything seemed fine just a couple of weeks prior. She said she needed space to figure it out...but she lost alot of respect for me during that whole time...I let thing go on for too long and didn't handle it.
She needs to feel attracted to me...she needs to want to have sex with me...and she just doesn't feel it - and doesn't know if she will be able to get that back.That I was a wonderful person...that she loved me but she just wasn't feeling it...but she was going to try. She took off her wedding bands and well you can see my other posts so you can get up to speed with the rest.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2973485I just took off my bands last sunday night too...I think this was a huge mistake...but I wanted to prepare myself for that disconnect...I was so angry about the EA stuff that I was uncovering...but now I wish I had them on. I feel like an a**hole. Part of me wanted her to feel that hurt too.
She has been talking to me again and sweet and considerate...but how do I get her to want me again...how do I get her to respect me again? I am playing the cool consistent strong and happy one. To some degree it is working.
