WH and I have been in what I thought was reconcilliation since the beginning of October 05. He had a 3month P/A with a co-worker. He left on Dday #1 for 5 weeks returning saying that he made a terrible mistake and would do anything he could to fix our relationship. He had ended the A.

I hit a major depression about 2 months ago, co-incidently (?) the time when his A started up again with the OW. WH left suddenly (like last time) yesterday saying our marriage was too broken to fix and that he couldn't give me what I needed or make me happy. Perhaps that might be to do with the fact that he's been giving what I need to the OW! In fact yesterday was almost a re-run of Dday #1, him coming out with a similar script. I don't love you but think I love the OW etc, etc.

I did a great Plan A the first time which worked well and seemed to help turn him around quickly. Would you advise a plan A or straight to NC this time around?

I'm very confused myself at this stage. I'm not sure I want reconcilliation or whether is even possible after this 2nd revelation. I would still very much appreciate your advise on this matter

Is it common for a WS to do this? Is this fog talk again or an exit A?

Please excuse this being a re-hash of a post in JFO.

I need guidance...Thankyou so much.



Please help.

Thankyou

Hi WeepingWillow,

I'm so sorry for this newest development. (((((((((((ww)))))))))) I would recommend a a very very short Plan A (a couple of days to leave a final good impression and show emotional control....two weeks max)....then a swift and dark Plan B if he doesn't come right back home and end contact again in the next few days. My guess is that contact never really ended.

WW,

Like star*fish, I suspect that contact never actually broke off.

Our first order of business is to kill the A. Our best weapon? EXPOSURE!!!

Did you expose the first time this happened? If not we'll help you set up an exposure plan. But WHATEVER you do, DO NOT warn the WH & OW what you are planning to do. If you do you will find out that they will "spin" the exposure to minimize it's effects.

Reconsilliation is still possible! Do not doubt this. But our first order of business remains killing the A.

BTW: that "fog speak" that WH is spewing is straight from the WS handbook. Give it all the consideration that it is due: NONE.

Keep posting and we'll help you through this.

Stay Strong!

walking,

YES YES YES....thanks for remembering to mention the exposure....make that swift and WIDE.

Thankyou for your responses.

I did expose the A last time. The OW is no longer a co-worker. She is from the Czech Rep, is single and has no family here. Exposure seems limited to his and my family...already done.

The WS handbook, know it well from the last time!

Do they often come home again after leaving for a 2nd time? You'd think he'd remember himself living in a poky room missing his children and regretting his actions from the 1st time. I'm sure at the moment he thinks that's preferable to a depressed, anxiety ridden wife.

Of course it was my biggest fear that this would happen all over again. He swore blind it would not.