Obviously, I understand my WH less than ever... and I can't ask him this and expect an honest answer. I think he's still in withdrawal, anyway, so I probably don't want to know.

So here goes. If there is indeed NC with OW, and he has agreed to work on the M, is it OK for me to initiate SF - or do I need to step back and let him go through this withdrawal period without it? One reason I ask is, if I initiate he complies and acts interested - but things don't just happen like they used to.

My reasons for wanting SF are mixed - some probably good, some probably not so good. Number one is obviously restoring the intimacy, and having the closeness. Another is pleasure. Also wanting him to feel loved by me, wanting him to know that I still care. Less noble reason at the back of my mind, I must admit (and this is an area that perhaps a FWH can help me out with) is lessening his urge to have the need satisfied by somebody else. I imagine that by satisfying him as often as possible at home, I reduce his need to satisfy the urge elsewhere.

Am I pushing too fast, too soon?

Okay I'm sorry to ask this but I noticed this in another thread....I'm new here can you tell me what SF stands for??

sexual fulfillment

Speaking from the perspective of a FWW who is is in the process of recovering, I think it is a good idea for you to initiate SF, but do understand that it may be difficult for him at first while going through withdrawal...be patient if it lacks gusto in the beginning

SF, can be very healing and way for closeness for both the BS and FWS. Go ahead and initiate.

What about EMOTIONAL INTIMACY in your marriage?

In my situation, it was best for my FWH to initiate until after withdrawal. He wanted to focus on other aspects of our relationship. He stated that he wanted to focus on "BEING NORMAL". He liked doing things with me around the house..like simply WASHING DISHES...

Dress to seduce ... for a week without making a pass or suggesting SF

Speak to his eyes first

also

compliment him when given an opportunity .... and equally important , say something complimentary about your husband to someone he knows well ... it will get back to your H that you are "talking about him" behind his back ... but in a decidedly GOOD way

if after a week of dressing for seduction you get hang-dog-face

without asking, give him a shoulder rub ... but do not initiate .... bring him his favorite beverage .... but do not initiate sexual touch ... keep your hands above his waist ... but don't button your blouse all the way up KWIM?

then ... after about 10 days or so ... if he has not done something to indicate he might be interested ... accidently fall against him in your "sleep" ....

let me know how this works....

the actual SEX .... when it happends ... can be a HUGE trigger for either of you .... if that happends ... start a new discussion

men are really pretty simply led back into the sack ... unless your H has ED or some dysfunction going on ...

keep it up!

good job!

Pep,

How do you get a WS back into SF??? My WS says she has no desire and relates me to an uncle.

Mimi,

>like simply WASHING DISHES...

whatever you're feeding him, may I have the recipe?

>without asking, give him a shoulder rub ... but do not initiate .... bring him his favorite beverage .... but do not initiate sexual touch ... keep your hands above his waist ... but don't button your blouse all the way up KWIM?

This is why Pep is the QUEEN (sorry jelly)...this is how it works...this is step by step what to do.

Beats me. The WW is a diffenent animal.

No joke.

It was EASY getting Mr Pep interested ... all I had to do was dangle some *goodies* in front of him >>> but not letting him touch for awhile ... I left him at the starting gate a few times .... just to "prime the pump" as it were

BUT
women are often Hard-Hearted after their affair ends ... the FWW usually has a large secret storage of old resentments locked up inside her heart ... and she takes them into the bedroom ...

in my opinion don't hit me

Let him watch you dress for work..acting as if you don't realize that this may be turning him on...

Kiss him goodbye and say "Have a nice day"...

There's a good chance that he will think of you throughout much of the day

Thanks Pep.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> thanks for nothin'

I am prolly not the right woman to ask .... maybe Kiwi Jen could help ... she was as lost as anyone can get ... yet she returned to Planet Happily Married ..... might as well ask her !