Tonight I called ow hsband,, My h accused me of ruining two kids lives... sorry! Too much Wine Help me!!!

Wait a second, calm down ! First h is wrong. If 2 kids lives are ruined, he and ow did what it took to do that. No affair would have equaled no reason for the phone call.<BR>So don't let him make you feel bad.<P>Was it a lovebuster, well yeah, but you know we all reach our breaking point at some time.<P>What did ow h have to say ?<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Bozos,<BR>He said he believed his wife but then she left the business trip to go home abruptly and may quit her job today. This has been going on for about 9 months. I really just pushed them both off the fence. It was really bad. My h cried but he also took responsibility for doing this from the start.<BR>My marriage was over anyway I feel. This woman had done this w/ 2 other men in the company and this is not the first time her h has heard from an irate wife. In fact, the company has investigated these relationships before and her and my h as well. It seems that co-workers have turned all of these situations in to the higher ups.<BR>Thanks for your response. I really feel like a shrew at this point but my patience w/ all this wishy washy stuff has worn out.<BR>C

ok, lets take this one step at a time, first please all me Deb, my h is bozo, he posts here too, not often, but he lurks alot. I haven't been on much so I don't know your situation. But I do know that if you have reached the point with h that the love bank is getting into negatives, you may need to go to plan b. Don't do anything w/o taking the time to really think it out. Decide on a course of ation, maybe write it out.<P>When they can't seem to deide one way or another it helps if we don't give them reasons to feel in some sick way justifyed in thier actions.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi ceverson,<P>YOU did the positive thing here, don't let anyone tell you differently. Have you ever heard the saying if your not part of the solution, your part of the problem? I feel so strongly that the other people involved have the right and need to know. The ultimate decision on what they do with the info is theirs, but without knowledge, they are powerless.<P>The second night into this for me, I called one OW and told her SHE needed to tell her H or I would. I changed my mind while talking to her and said I would drop it. A few weeks went by and I changed my mind again and I called her back (imagine that she even said to me, That's not you said last time we talked, as if I owe her some allegence). Anyway she ended up telling him and the other girl told her fiance a few weeks back. I felt a great relief that everyone knew. I also realized I was generous enough to allow them opportunity to tell themselves, but was prepared to be the one to expose them.<P>The things that helped me come to that point were that the 1st H knew about this 3 years ago and didn't tell me. My H went on the have 4 more affairs. I felt like it may not have happened if I knew. ALso, I was part of the "secret", part of the cover up, that they all with to great lengths to hind. I did not want to be a part of that. <P>I did not CREATE this mess, and I refuse to take ANY responsiblity for the outcome. How dare your H say you ruined two kids lives? What did you do? They were the ones who took, you only gave. And now, we have to learn to take, and if it means they are uncomfortable with it, oh well.<P>Refuse to take any guilt, you'll see in time this was part of your healing process and you needed to do this for YOU.<P>I wish you the best, I'm sorry you feel your marriage is over, but so do I and in a way I feel releif that I can just concentrate on what I need to get through this. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!

Dear Ceverson1:<BR>Out of curiousity, why did you not go and talk to the ow? Or have you already done that?

Ceverson......<P>If anyone is to blame, it is OW and your H. They are trying to put the responsibility on you. However, you ARE NOT the one who initiated the affair. You didn't give your blessing for OW and your H to be together. If they didn't want any problems, then they shouldn't have had their affair to begin with. They are the ones to blame for all of this mess! BOO HOO ON THEM!

Good for you ceverson 1! Oh how I've wanted to contact both ow and her H but my H freaked when I told him I planned to confront ow as he is her boss. So I am trying to be the good wife....<BR>You did the right thing.