This has been a very rough week and it all started a week ago today. I have a new job all good and I'm not losing ground as far as my pay is concerned. Lucky me. When I handed in my resignation I was really flying by the seat of my pants, hadn't a job in stone as of that moment and was very nervous. The same moment I handed in that resignation OM zeroed in on me, fast forward to Monday where he literally told me I was making a big mistake. Well, score one for me, I said it looked like he would be worst off in this situation then I ever will. No, NC will never happen where I am resigning, there isn't a day that doesn't go by that this idiot, I'm sorry, have to think mean thoughts, will in the least make his presence known. I still have vacation and have scheduled them on the days where I know I would break down my barriers or just need to get away/it will all be over soon. I also in this process realized how foolish I have been, how the OM is not only womanizing me but others as well and is probably inside of someone elses head right at this very moment. I have started hating him, this is good. As i am hating him I'm thinking I must forgive him if I am ever to forgive myself. I'm working on this one, don't even know if I have to forgive him, if this is part of the rules. I am hoping my H will forgive me, have slowly began to tell him of everything that has transpired. Trying to explain nothing more than a hug ever happened, try explaining the EA and what an EA is.
Did I expose this to OM W? NO. Will I? I don't know. I have been thinking about confiding in a mutual friend, she knows his W, I really feel the need to tell her and ask her to forgive me. don't know if she'll forgive her H, but he is a definite player and deserves what comes to him, he just won't stop, not only with me but like I said, he is already moving on to another. Sick.
So, Smfry did find employment elsewhere, I would have left whether I did or didn't next week. My coworkers are upset I'm leaving and it makes it hard but this new job has many challenges and will keep me 100 percent distracted at all times til I heal. The roughest road is the next week, I get through it i will be away from the office and OM permanately. Never will have to deal with this guy again. If he seeks me out then it is a police issue for I have been very clear although I wonder if he comprehends due to the work situation. But that will be behind me in just a few days.
Thank YOu MB. You guys were tough on me when I needed it and didn't baby me. I needed that. I am now strong enough to move beyond this.

Good on you, smfry. You are indeed a much stronger person than you were when you first came here. You've come through a lot of turmoil and pain, and you've done it in fine style. What you've gone through hasn't been easy and there will be bumps in the road ahead that won't be much fun either. Life doesn't just quit coming at you, you know. You've turned a corner though...the road will smooth out and you'll find the peace in a strong marriage you deserve. Kudos, lady!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am so proud of you. You've come a long way, baby <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have you purchesed Surviving An Affair? Maybe you could purchase it for your husband and you to read together. It does talk about EAs.

As for telling the OMW, confiding in a mutual friend might be the way to do it. In doing that, tell her you would like for her to tell the OMW. I'm not sure an apology from you would hold much weight, but your friend might be able to phrase it in a way so the OMW will know.


I really am proud of you.

Just so you know - your OM will keep trying to harass you - try to find you....my Om did it - the ONLY thing that brought on TRUE no contact was telling his wife. the day I told his wife was the last day I ever saw/heard from him.

I am so proud of ya smfry - you really HAVE come a long way and i see a strength in ya starting to grow!

Telling his wife is one of the most terrifying things you will do - I had to have my husband making me do it - but after you are done - no matter how she feels about you - you do feel better that you were honest with ONE MORE PERSON! And that pressure on OM really makes them leave ya alone.....and if he is womanizing more - she really needs to have a shot!

WTG fry baby!

If OM contacts you ~in any way~

it is a clear message he has less respect for you than you even knew possible ...

AND

if that happends

call his wife without warning him ... no second chance ... just hang up from OM and call her immediately

"I had an inappropriate emotional & romantic relationship with YOUR husband from (date) to (date). I ended this relationship on (date). I told YOUR husband to leave me alone. Unfortunately, he called me against my will on (date). I have ended all contact with him. I have quit my job to get away from his advances. I am working on my marriage and want nothng to do with YOUR husband. Everytime he tries to contact me or my family I am going to call you."

THAT will send a very clear message .... leave me alone

sometimes a softer message just will not work !

Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself too. I keep focusing on what my H has that he doesn't. My H made a mistake, I made a mistake and we are going to not make these mistakes again. I was in a very bad place for awhile and I don't know what made me go that way, guess cause it was a SA it didn't count. I honestly never heard of EA's but I knew there was something wrong there and kept digging til I came here then researched and all I can say is Wow! Scarey.
My plan was to confide in my friend after I"m gone but I didn't know if I was being fair to her in doing that. But it really isn't fair he keeps doing what he is doing and she is not well to boot. I guess I'll have to work on the strength to do this. Found the strength to get that new job, I can do this too. I'm just not ready yet. I'm working on it. It disgusts me to think he hasn't learned from this and then to think what a fool I was. I deserved this lesson and when I go into my new job experience my eyes are wide open!!! My new employer clearly has a page and a half in the handbook on sexual harrasment, there isn't a thing it doesn't clearly cover what this is. No touching, staring....I'm hoping this will keep me safe from this again. I don't want to treat men like taboo, I'm afraid to make another male friend and I feel betrayed that a guy I thought of as a brother worked on me until I acted just as badly as he. I cried yesterday, not because I want this to continue but just relieved it is almost over. Over in not having to ever see him at the workplace again. Yes,theres depression but I know as long as I focus and keep myself very occupied I'll be ok, just getting the event of the EA out of my system is all I need to do.
Pepper, I am going to print this thread and follow what you have suggested to a tee. I'm concerned if I would call his home he would answer, and if he has caller ID and keeps hanging up he'll turn this all on me and say I was harrasing him. I'm thinking too much,lol. I just hope he takes the message. I worry that he won't. My new job is at night, he works days, I won't run into him, almost impossible. I'm hoping anyway.