He works in different city 12 days at a time. Last time he left he said it was for good and is returning this weekend to visit son but is not staying here at home. He says he wants to discuss separation agreement and financials, I have already told him I am not emotionally up to that and a lawyer will have to do it for me. He still says he is out of here even though he has had no contact with OW for 3 weeks ( he says), says he just wants things over so he can move on and make decisions for himself. How do I plan A when he is obviously not interested nor even aware of what plan A is?

You are supposed to plan A him without him knowing it.

Plan A is similiar to a situation like forgiving the person over and over again for his mistakes or whatever it is he is doing that hurts you.

If you have an opportunity to be with your husband...do the following...

Dont argue with him even when you resent him

Dont talk about "US" with him even when you feel hurt

Dont talk about OW even when you think he is soooo wrong

Talk about fun things. Be his friend again.

Plan A is not easy. Took me a long time to understand plan A but if applied correctly it works wonders.

Plan A is love and forgiving. If you are up to handle that then you are on the way to become a better person.

Ok, here's my delima...

in working my plan A, I've been accused of buying my wife things and being nice just so she'll have SF with me. This is most definately not the case, but at what point do their eyes open up and stop trying to find reasons to leave?


FN

I also am working on plan A, my WH has just ended A by OW cuting him off. He is grouchy, and demanding to know why I betrayed him by speaking with her when she called me. I did not respect his wishes to handle it himself. (he lied to me and said he ended it at a restaurant and that he loves me and wants to work on our marriage) next day he calls her tel ls her his dad died (he hasn't spoken to family in 13 years) she called sending remorse. I ended up returning the call and she told me she ended it cuz of the lies (she's single) she almost bought again but told me the truth. He was pissed when she called and said leave me the ---- alone. I inacted plan A by saying don't yell at me let's talk...the A doesn't make me not like you it's the lies(big ones not just about the A.)I am your friend and I'll help you as you have helped me through sickness...(he has)but let's just concentrate on lies and our marriage. I went to bed OK. He said I don't want to be married as you constantly try to control me and my wishes. I just said I love you and went to bed. My life will be positive and happy cuz I need to make it..so plan A for awhile and still watching the signs. How long has other people done plan A and at what expense?

ask your doctor for Xanax and Lexipro. They'll help even out your days

Okay you need to start LOVING you.

Then let it go. The more you are going after him the more you are turning him off and pushing him towards her.
Just be nice to him, but don't run after him.
Don't be so available.

And just know that if he does leave you and go to her.
It won't work.
Rather a person believes in you reap what you sow (which I do, have seen it happen lots of times), karma, etc.,

It won't work. And the uglier a person acts, the worse the consequences.

The grass is never greener on the other side, it just looks like it is because of the way you are viewing it.

Take control of your life. You cannot love someone else until you love yourself.

Most of the "OW" never show their "true selves."
Right now your husband is enjoying the fantasy.
One day he will wake up, for his sake I hope it's not too late.

I am working plan A and playing tennis with my husband, cuz I'm a good player and that's what we used to do for hours was compete together as a team. We went away together this weekend and just talked. Advice needed hear. I still love to have sex with my husband and play and have fun. I treat him nice. I set boundries in my plan of coming home when you are off work not just any old time, treat me with respect. Our talk over the weekend was about truth, he said he is stuck like in a mud and finding his way out and it won't happen over night(or our solving all our problems overnight )but that he is open to communicate with me about how he feels. He says stuff like if we are together or not you'll be OK. We'll work thru issues, I'm not happy....I'ts all about him. We made love all weekend, played danced and came home. He got up to work on overdue reports sometime in the night and I noticed a call to the ow (1 min)must have been message cuz 12:55am. I am now going on 4 weeks of plan A. They communicate and I know she loves him and has said she wants to marry him.How long for plan A.Am I wrong to still tr y thru this. someone talk to me.

No, great_smile, you are not wrong for doing this. I am in similar position except that WH wants to file for divorce. WH is being selfish. The most time you spend with him, the more hurt there is because the A is still happening. I tried parts of Plan A but I haven't told his boss about it. The OW is also a co-worker. I think I'm going to have to take drastic measures as WH can get fired for this.

I checked his voicemail and the OW left message saying she loves him. It's disgusting and sickening yet I love my WH, even though he is betraying me.

At this point, I'm going to tell WH's parents and boss. I have no choice because spending time with WH and trying to be nice was almost giving him permission to be in A. That's ridiculous!

I think you need to take action with Plan B. Cut off all contact.