A question sbout a GPS got me to wonder, how do innocent people feel if their mate spies on them?

I am not innocent, I am a FWW, so my opinion is jaded. I have no issue with being spied on. I don't know if my BH did purposely check my computer history for clues, but he would happen across it sometimes. He would ask me about something I had been looking at (he thought I wanted to have another baby since I was looking at how to make cloth diapers). It never occured to me to be miffed that he was checking to see what I had been looking at (the computer and phone were my tools of destruction).

I like to pretend my WH may come home. And I probably would install a tracking system on his vehicle, since that is his main trackable tool of destruction.

Are there faithful spouses here that have been spied on? How did you feel about it? Like I said, as a FWW, I don't think I am entitled to blind trust anymore.

My spouse does this for a living. Nevertheless, innocent or not, my spouse gets miffed at the very thought of getting checked up on by anybody. This being said, I've uncovered unsavory things, disclosed lies. How could I not assume the worst, despite all the "don't you believe me" and "I'm a good person" speaches?

(Now I'm not pure as the driven snow either. But I've put that behind me, and really want to deepen our R to where it was when we first met. I've learned from my mistakes.)

I think, if I found out I was being watched now, I'd be torn. 1. I have nothing to hide. but 2. I don't think I'm dealing with a fair person, and what would be found (venting about IL's, frustrations with M, etc) would be overblown, taken out of context, and I'd be punished with passive aggressive behaviors for months. Spouse is the type of person to use my shortcomings to justify A, or at least, has done so in the past.

So I guess it depends on the health of the M. Catch 22: if the M is healthy (or seemingly so) spouse has no inclination to snoop. If M is not healthy, snooping in and of itself can create problems in addition to whatever the snoop finds.

I have caught my DH snooping on my computer before and it amused and concerned me. It concerned me that he was worried about me. I went out of my way to ASSURE him that I was not doing anything alone that I wouldn't do in front of him.

My marriage is healthy enough for my H to be able to see everything I do. And I WELCOME IT.

Also, Dr. Harley recommends RADICAL HONESTY and that means hiding nothing.

I have never cheated or even thought about cheating on my w. She could spy till her hearts content and I would not be offended...i would think she was feeling a little insecure and perhaps i need to give her some extra care and reassurances to let her know she is my one and only girl.

What I'd give to have such confidence in my M....

unfortunately...my confidence has been shattered...i always felt safe in our relationship...now she is the one questioning....and its killin me.

So it isn't the snooping, it is the insecurity that bothers you? You think being completely accessible will not resolve her issues?

My spouse is driving me up the freakin wall about the snooping that IS in the open... your perspective can help me...

Is it how she goes about it (covert vs open)?
Is it that she finds things that ARE innocent, but she twists it?

I can't think of more questions, but feel free to elaborate...

My situation is just the opposite...right now she is the one questioning our marriage and whether she wants to stay in it. I have always believed in us and now she is breaking my faith in her.

If she was snooping around after me it wouldn't bother me because it would show that she cares. That the relationship is important to her. that she has a stake in it. Perhaps your w has some insecurities that she is afraid/ashamed to share with you. Maybe she just doesn't feel important enough.

Twisting things is always frustrating...but if I had a "friend" and it made my w that uncomfortable...i just wouldn't have the friend anymore. It wouldn't be worth it to put her through it.

It only takes one instance to let your guard down...and allow om / ow in. Your spouse has to mean enough to you for it not to happen...its a wall that has to always be up in order to keep your marriage safe.

Now that I have started to uncover the ea stuff with my w....i feel like someone else was in our house...in our bed...with us at dinner...everywhere we go. it just isn't worth it. I would never want to make anyone feel like this.

hope this helps.