Ok, here goes. I was recently working on my wifes email on her computer and came across one that revealed an affair. I don't remember the exact verbage but 'lover' and 'you are 1 of only 3 men I have ever loved' are what I do remember. I felt like I had just been kicked in the gut.
As I checked over her cell phone bills, I discovered that this had been going on for 2+ years. Then I started noticing 2 other numbers calling and being called frequently 5-6 a month to 3 or 4 times a day in quick succession. Usually after business hours and commonly during the time of her 1 hour commute home or sometimes in the wee hours of the morning (I work shift work). These conversations would last sometimes 45 mins to over an hour.
I got ahold of her cell phone and wrote down the names and numbers of her entire address book. Needless to say, these numbers belonged to men.
I know for a fact from the email that there was one affair but the timimng and length of these other calls smells of smoke also.
Anyway I have yet to confront her because I just didn't know exactly how to approach the issue properly and to complicate things we have been getting along great lately as I have opened up to her more, shown a great deal more affection and the frequency of our love making has greatly increased (issues in the past that she has let me know she desired). Looking at the phone calls to and from these numbers in the past three months the have been decreased quite a bit.
It feels like she is giving us another chance while putting the others on the back burner.
I have a great deal of optimism that we can save our marriage because I truly believe that she still deeply loves me and I have finally pulled my head out of my @zz and am giving her more of the attention she wanted all along. What I am afraid of is when I ask her about the affair(s) will the wheels come off. As you can see I have a lot of circumstantial evidence and it will be down right difficult to prove more then one of the alleged affairs.
I know I have to reveal the affair but I guess I just don't know how to approach it so as to not totally destroy any good vibes we have going right now.
Wow, I don't know if I got my situation across accurately but I had to give this forum a try. BTW I just found this great forum 2 days ago and have read it for hours trying to sort this out. TIA Sd

Slowdeath, your marriage is in huge trouble and will not get repaired until all the truth comes out. It is based on fraud and deciet and cannot last like this. Putting your head in the sand because the sex is good will not solve the problem. Because your marriage will never develop if it is based on fraud and deciet. And your marriage is a FRAUD right now.

Were I you, I would very carefully gather information while she does not know you are looking. Put spyware on her computer and put a voice activated recorder in her car; put a tap on your land line.

FIND OUT WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING and with whom while you can and THEN confront her with all this.

I would also suggest getting the book Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley and having it sent to your office. Read that book as quickly as you can so you can understand what you are dealing with here.

p.s. Welcome to Marriage Builders, sorry you are here, my friend.