My DH has been doing a lot w/o my knowledge lately. Long story short, he took out a HELOC against a property he owned prior to our wedding. He also wrote a business plan and took it to SBA for consultation. He mentioned this in passing, "Did I tell you I was approved for a loan for a business?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Uhhhhh, No! When I asked why this whole business thing/loan was decided upon w/o discussion, he pretended to think he "told" me everything. (I am thinking you don't tell your wife you are gonna take out a loan for hundreds of thousands of dollars and start a business - u discuss that. Plus, you don't whether or not u discussed this.) When I refuted that, he then said he thought I was not interested. In all fairness, he has been talking about starting a business for a few years, but he has not told me that talk was turning into action.

He agreed to show me the business plan and low and behold, I find out that he has applied for a franchise almost one month ago! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> The franchise application was there with the business plan and it requested spouse's information. He listed my name. In the spouse's financial info area, he wrote N/A. An additional note he added was, "I am not submitting my wife's info." At first he included a home phone number, but then he scratched that out and left his mobile number as the sole means of reaching him.

After we talked about this, he agreed that we should have discussed this first, but he did not apologize. I am very angry that he has independently taken such a big step (that will also affect me) w/o consulting me. I would never think of doing such a thing w/o his input. I know anger is a love buster. I am just looking for any input on how we can move forward because I am so angry that I have done very little talking to him for the past few days. I especially become angry thinking about the possible motives for his actions. He does not offer any reason for his actions, so I am left to speculate.
TIA

Hey sati11,

Welcome to MB. Wow - hundreds of thousands - thats a lot.

I see you've looked at lovebusters - good

You and H need better communication - apparently H felt he should just move into this business without consulting you.

How old is H ? you ?

Did he bring a significant amount of wealth into the M ?

Is there a possibility of MLC ?
(MLC = midlife crisis)

Its possible he feels he should just carry on with business as he did before you guys got married.

Please post so that we know you're still here

Regards,
Hope

Thanks for the welcome and the reply Hope. Sorry for the delay but I have been a little tied up lately.

I agree that we need to communicate more effectively.

He is 35 and I am 34. We are not wealthy - I guess we are middle class. We both owned property before the marriage...he a 2 flat and I a home. He moved in after we married and he rents out the two flat. I earn about 18K more than he does per year and I sense that this is an issue for him. We pretty much brought an equal amount of wealth to the marriage but the 2 flat is worth more than the home because he has had it a lot longer and it has had time to more than double its worth hence the HELOC.

He did not own the business before we married. In fact, he is trying to start the business at this point. He applied to buy a franchise without even telling me, as I stated above.

Since my last post, I saw the loan papers and he also told the bank he is single and there was a statement in the loan documents...My marital status has not changed since the original loan took place. He signed off on that.

When I inquired about this, he said he should have read the papers more closely. He also stated that he told them to put me on the mortgage and they said that process takes two months. Mind you, I only scanned the papers and I saw those two statements because SINGLE MAN was in all caps and bolded. I am really frustrated because it appears to me that a great deal of lies are being told and I do not understand why nor do I appreciate it. For instance, the only way a bank can add a spouse to a mortgage is if the loan is refinanced...I checked with his bank and mine. Plus, how can you add someone to your mortgage without their consent? I never signed off on anything like that. I told him I think we need counseling. We plan to have a long talk within the next 2 weeks to determine what our plan should be to sort things out. (He has a big project due next week and hence the postponement.)

Thanks for reading and input.

The hardest thing to realize is that this loan ( and the lies he told to get it) is not the real problem.

This is simply a symptom of the real problem, which is your husband no longer wants to be "partners" with you.

You need to notify anyone he has been in contact with that
1) he is married
2) you will not be signing any papers

Regardless of what "property" he owned before the marriage (or the value of such property) if he goes into business, you are liable for the debt if it fails. And as such, you are entitled to be part of the decision making process. But this gets back to the problem....your husband does not want you as a "partner". If he doesn't want you as a business partner, I can't imagine he thinks very highly of you as a marriage partner.

IMHO (and that is all it is - free advice) - it is time for some serious couples counseling BEFORE any more talk of a business happens. But (under no circumstances) should you sign anything!

Thanks for your advice inhymn. I actually have suggested counseling to him and I do realize that he does not want me to be involved in "his" business. You said that he no longer wants me as a partner. We haven't even been married for a year, so I tend to think that he never did want me as a partner. That was clear, as he listed himself as the sole proposed owner and from the other things he did - which I won't retype.

I also realize that I would be required to sign a spousal guaranty prior to him even being able to purchase the franchise, which I definitely have NO plans to do at this point. In fact, I have come to believe that the only reason he even told me about this whole thing is because he found out that he will need my signature. A great many things would have to change before I would sign any assets/property away. Thanks again.