I'm looking for the list that talks about things that WS should do whent he A is found out. It is a long list.

What the WS should do?

Or

What the BS should do.....

when the A is exposed.

Which one do you mean?

L.

Orchid, It talks about what the WS should do. It is a list that mentions that WS shouldn't become defensive about what happend. SHould allow BS to ask questions and so on.

Hm.... that's been written many times over. Any ideas as to when you read it or who the owned the thread?

L.

Not really. I've been trying to think of more of its contents.

LLG....

Ok, so I have no idea what thread you are talking about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />.....BUT if you go to Q&A on this website, you will find lots of articles on how to cope with infidelity.....it may have something .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Best....
Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

There's a good post on what a FWW should do here. Is that what you were looking for?

Hello LLG.

I had this in my PC that I took from a post a while ago. Hope it helps.


"In order for your marriage to successfully survive these are some things the BS must do:
1. He must be totally honest with you about everything
2. He must answer every question that you ask truthfully and fully.
3. He must do everything in his power to prove to you that you are the one that he wants to be with.
4. He must prove his love to you...he must be patient, gentle, compassionate and understanding.
5. He must feel your pain.
6. He must fully understand the devastation that he caused you.
7. He must accept full responsibility for his actions.
8. He must stop all contact with OP and not try to protect them.
9. He must reassure you that it is OK to ask questions.
10. He must reassure you that you will not drive him away by doing the things that are necessary to heal.
11. He must recognize when your struggling or experiencing a trigger and comfort you.
12. He must be able to tell you how sorry he is and show you.
13. He must re-enforce to you, that you are not responsible.
14. He must put his own feelings of guilt and shame aside and help you heal first.
15. He must reconnect emotionally, mentally, and physically with you and stay connected.
16. He must work on rebuilding trust. No secrets. No privacy.
17. He must be willing to seek counseling.
18. He must learn what is and is not acceptable when communicating with the opposite sex...he must establish boundaries and not cross them.

Here is a list of things that the BS must do:
1. Give him the necessary time to prove his love and commitment to you.
2. Be open with your feelings.
3. Ask the questions that are important to you.
4. Don't be afraid that you will drive him away while you are trying to heal.
5. Stop blaming yourself for his actions. You are in no way responsible...even if you are Attila the Hun!
6. You must be able to let him connect with you. (this one takes time)
7. You must continue checking up on him in order to let him rebuild trust.
8. You must be willing to seek counseling so that you do not get stuck in one of the stages of recovery such as anger or depression."

Sorry to the original poster and I dont have is name in my file.

Just followed the link from bitbucked and what I posted it's just a small part of one of the links on the end of the post, called - What the WS/BS Must do to reconcile - and posted by Suzet*

lost_willow, thanks.

bitbucket, thanks. THere is some good stuff ont his link.