Let me give you a little back ground... I met my husband at age 16 at that time he was 36. Our relationship was really good at the begining... then after about 4 months he became very controlling, untrusting, and abusive. After leaving my family they kinda left me behind and I decided to stay with him. After about 2 years I had dropped out of highschool to care for his 1 year old son(not mine biologically), I had lost tract of who I was and what I wanted in life, I really loved him but was tired of being accused of cheating and all kinds of diff stuff so I left him. Well I eventually came back and he had seemed to change... pooof got another beating! But after that he stopped hitting me! Thank God! So there is no longer phsycal abuse... I dont know if I got better at not making him mad enough to hit me or if he has reallly changed. I still am kinda lost on who I am but I know what kind of direction I want my life to go. Anyway I am now 21 and he 41 and we have a 9month old little girl now! She is my whole world! But most of the time I do all the work at home... he does all the work out of the home. In other words he goes to work in the morning comes home and does nothing I wake up same time and I go nonstop till after everyone is asleep. I know he works but I am just getting so frustrated with his lack of involvment... its driving me crazy. My daughter even acted like she was mad at him.. he didnt spend no time with her for 2 days. We have been arguing on and off for 2 weeks straight now! I am so mad and hurt I dont feel like having anything to do with him but after all we have been through and all the work I put into this and my little girl I dont just want to give up now but it seems that might be the way my heart is taking me! He gets so mad at me when baby cries when he is resting.. like I can snap my fingers and boom she stops.. he doesnt seem to understand that it takes time to figure out what she needs and sometimes she just wants to cry!! Its like having 2 babys. And then if I do something wrong in his eyes he ****** about it. I tell him how I feel most of the time but he just dismisses it with " I work all day long and I am tired" I even told him at least you get to rest.. I work 24/7 and do I get a break? NO! The other day my sis was over to visit and I did my shopping while baby was asleep and big kid was playing with friends. well baby woke while I was gone.. he called me 3 times while at the store bitching! I got home and he ran my sis off.. she was mad and so was I! He ****** some more about how Im a [censored] lover and slut and stuff like that... I just dont say anything back anymore cause it will just make it worse and I dont want the kids to be involved or hear a big fight! But I dont want my girl or his boy to think that wemon are weak and have no athority! I dont know this is just all so confusing. The other night I had a night mare that he kicked my baby in the face I woke up sweating and breathing really hard! Even if I did make the desecion to divorce how could I even get costody of my girl. I dont have money for lawyers or money to provide a home of my own. There is no way I could leave him if it requires me to give up my baby!!!!!!!!! I want to work things out but I am tired of waiting for him to change. My life has been on hold for 4 years now.. I m ready to start acheiving or working torwards my life goals.. I dont want to have to waith on him to change!! I have pretty much have no friends except my internet buddies.. other than that I am not socialable with anybody that dont live in this house! I am just so tired of putting everything in this family and getting little back. I have talked to his mom about it and she dont want me to leave him because of his son. He is like mine he calls me mom but legally I have no leg to stand on when it comes to him. Ugh so many diff thoughts... If anybody has some advice or their veiw of a solution to my pain and just want to comment please do!!! I just want the best for my little girl!!! Thanx a buch!!!

Hey pretty21:
venting allowed - even encouraged -

You've come to a good place - There are lots of posters that have good advice - we do require honesty.

First of all: I believe any man who beats a woman should be arrested - Let him know this - there is no excuse. You might not be an angel but there is no reason for you to receive physical harm unless your threatening him with physical harm.


I am sorry to hear you have so many frustrations.

Have you read the free material on this site ?

Keep in touch - (when you post we know your still around and you will get a response - no post = no more advice)

Godd luck
Hope

Thanx hope2recover! Thats the thing he dont hit me anymore... its just the fear he gives me when I do things like... stay gone too long... dont do house work on time or right way... he just ****** too much... He should be thankful that he has a house and wife and kids instead he acts like he dont want us:( I may sound a little confuseing due to I have so many feeling that are confusing me! I feel torn away from myself but still able to function..dont know if yall understand that but the way I feel is so hard to understand. And I think I am a angel!! lol I am a good wife/mother. I am here for my kids all the time. I make dinner not same time everyday but it is made before 8pm I clean the house do things with kids I even spend time sulking with my H cause thats what he likes to do and it is about the only thing he does when he is home. I am very open minded and can solve probs pretty good but to solve marital probs we both have to work at it and H just dont do that... its all about him and if it aint I get the third degree. So I have stopped trying to fix this... I have already done all I can to fix it. I have talked with him.. told him how I feel a hundred times but he acts like I am out to destroy him... idk he thinks when I tell him how I feel he has to tell me that he treats me that way cause I treat him that way. Like the other night I was asking if he would be ok with me going to my dads to help him clean and he got all mad saying that I couldnt go:( saying that he never gets to go out and do things with his friends y should I. He does it when ever he wants and dont even discuss it with me. He is just old and dont want to go do anything. And he thinks that since that is what he wants that that is what I am going to have too. I dont want to sit and do nothgin... I want to go to school visit family and maybe make me some friends. Thanx to him my sister wont come visit no more:( Thanx for the reply!

Hey pretty21

There seems to be quite a few issues going on.

First: read the section about love busters - whatever path
you take there will be more options available to you if
you start giving up lovebusters.

2nd: Look at the emotional needs section and also look at the questionaire.

3rd: Calm down

Hope