Went to put mijo in the truck Friday morning and as soon as I picked him up, he puked all over me...

Thus began the day that will forever go down in history as the Day of Unending Puking.

My only question: Why can't they aim for Daddy once in awhile? WHy does the puke always have to end up on me? I'm some kind of vomit magnet...g'ahead...you can level with me. That's it, right...I'm a vomit magnet right?

Oh. And I caught the plague yesterday. Wookie came down with it last night. Told me today he doesn't feel Wookieish...feels more like an Ewok.

So yesterday I was PRAYING for someone to put me out of my misery. I hate being stomach sick worse than ANYTHING...shoot! Chop off my boobs again, but don't make me throw up...anything but that. I'd called my mom...because, you know, moms always make it better. We had a nice talk. We were supposed to have gone to their house that weekend, but the Wookie couldn't get it off. As far as I knew everything was hunky dory when I got off the phone. I'd told her we'd be there for a visit the weekend of the 15th. The reason for the visit was 2 fold...1 to visit, and 2 to pick up my grandma's hutch they are giving me (I've already got the table that matches it) and to pick up a dresser for the girl's room.

Well, not an hour later, my dad calls and says he still has issues with my husband and he cannot get over them. He thought he could, but he can't and we can't stay with them. Okay. I TOLD MOM IF THERE WAS ANY ISSUE WE'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO STAY AT A MOTEL. I mean, I've got two more kids....we're kind of a roving zoo anyway...organized chaos at it's finest (but a lot of time sans the organized part)...and I DO understand that this sitch isn't "normal" but GAWD! Anyway, my dad says he's off Tues, Wed and Thurs this week and he can bring the stuff up to us (which would mean one of us taking off from work to let him in...etc . etc.). I told him I'd have to discuss it with the Wookie and hung up...BUT NOT BEFORE HE SAID, "I LOVE YOU YOU KNOW," ACK! Talk about emotional extortion...I choked out the words and was promptly sick.

I KNOW that it's not just the Wookie. It's everything. It's my babies that he has issues with, too. He'd have been so thrilled if I'd kicked the Wookie to the curb...well, not thrilled but in a much better state if I'd slammed the door on the Wookster. When mija was 1 and a half I took her to a family wedding (along with my bio babies). My dad could've spit nails that whole weekend....and I bore the brunt of it....I was miserable that weekend...and nearly everyone in the family could not believe how he'd behaved (my dad usually has a very level head and a very logical mind).

I see now that he's not gotten past it. Oh. Get this. He says he's okay with short visits...like for coffee or whatever, but not over night....WTF is the difference between sitting down and visiting and breaking bread with someone vs. a short overnight thing....what is the difference between seeing all of us a few hours one way vs. a few hours another way....and what the he11 if it's such a problem why can't we come overnight and sleep at a motel???? What? We can't be in the same TOWN for more than a few hours????

ARGH.

My first instinct is to say eff'em. Seriously. The kids are MY FAMILY...MINE!!!!!!!!! The Wookie is MY FAMILY. He is part of me....Eff the stuff because it's just stuff....sure I wanted it and all, but we will take care of our family....with or without their help.

I don't know what to do. I do not want to let him come up this week....I just don't want to do it.

I cried in the Wookies arms for a long time yesterday. How could they....if I say eff 'em, my poor mom...and I'll miss her so much. SO MUCH! I love mom so much, I am just aching.

- Kimmy

Kimmy- I know you are ready to put this behind you but perhaps your parents have not had the benefit of seeing all the changes the Wookie has made recently? Can your H have a man to man talk with your dad and directly apologize to him for hurting his baby daughter?

I am so sorry you are hurting, the ripples of adultery spread far and wide. sigh..

I know that's what it is.

Very, very tired of it.

If I haven't said it lately....

Affairs suck.

- Kimmy

Or in the words of our friend bobpure "affairs are sh*t"

D:
Truly very sorry that your Hurting ........and Sick to boot (ouch, insult to injury for sure). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

However,
Although NOT defending Ol DaddyO ........I can Understand.

Heck,
If I hadn't of found this place, and been through the H*LL and Back myself .....I most likely would Feel Very Similarly to Him.
I know, sad but true.

And as far as Reaching him ..........boy, at his age .......and without him REALLY Knowing what YOU Know .........boy that is an uphill climb.

With that said,
I truly Like your outlook that your immediate family (wook/kids) ARE Your Family .........& its the others that will have to FIT IN to Yours.
That is very much our approach as well.

Should they continue to NOT Honor our wishes, feelings and at least small expectations ....we'll then THEY will be the ones Missing OUT!
[But it sure doesn't make it ANY Less Uncomfortable OR Irritating when dealing with it all.......I KNOW!!] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

In any case:
Hope your vent did you some good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Besides, we Only Puke on those we Love. (Are ya buying it??) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
By the way, here's a towel .........Ya missed a little tiny spot, right over there >>>>>>>>>>>

{edited to remove the ******'s .......I really hate that feature}

Amen. I liked the way someone put it over on Recovery. They called them UN-fairs.

Kimmy, there has to be a middle ground. It's there. We just need to find it, that's all.

There are always more options than just the two extremes. You know your situation better than I do, but there's a way to resolve this without telling your Dad to deal or take a hike or without making the trip at all.

Dealan,

Either pops really loves you a lot or he is being forced to relive history. Either way give this (my dad usually has a very level head and a very logical mind)man the ability to work through his own feelings. Don't make him yet another casualty of your scenario.

Gee thanks for the towel, TR. (scrubbing my shirt) I think I got it now. Seriously....it's official....every one of my kids has now puked in my cleavage....I'm wishing that all of 'em have a child just like they are when they grow up, btw. JUST like they are.

BTW: The wookie lurves me. How do I know? He held my hair...now THAT'S LURVE!



Thank you. I cannot allow ANYONE to treat my family as less than....well, less than anything. They bring me joy...they are the reason I pulled myself out of this mess and they are the reason I stayed (relatively) sane. The Wookie is as much a part of me as...um....well...he's as much a part of me as the nose on my face. I can live without it, but it wouldn't be pretty.

I understand my dad's stuff, too y'all. I'm just ready TO BE HEALED ALREADY...to not have this come up and blindside me anymore...kwim?

Un-fairs...apt. Sad, but true.

- Kimmy

>Don't make him yet another casualty of your scenario.

Unfortunately, Cy...I'm afraid those zealous nuts that love me have already become so. They are so focused on what was that what actually IS is a blur to them....a mirage.

>the ripples of adultery spread far and wide

I'm tired of the wave pool, Faith...isn't there a wading pool somewhere?

{{{Kimmy}}}

Half my family, and it's a big one, have little to do with FWW and me since DDay 2. It hurts almost as much as the LTA.

But, spacetime often does interesting things besides warp. It used to be all my family.

With prayers,

Hunny

Your dad is allowed to feel however he feels

Whip up some understanding ... if you please ...

Has your husband ever gone TO your father man to man and apologized TO HIS FACE for the chaos and pain that HE alone created?

Honestly, it has not been THAT long since the affair was 100% over ya know.

Cut your Daddy a break. He did not rip your family to shreads.... come'on!

Your daddy is not so good at pretending that everything is "normal" now. It's not. Time patience and understanding for your Daddy if you please. Not everyone is in love with your husband. if my daughter was married and taking care of 2 OC ... I'd be more than mildly upset. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Pep

>Honestly, it has not been THAT long since the affair was 100% over ya know.


Logically, I know. It just feels so much different to me now (different/better, btw)...so it's lightyears from where we were.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't already offered NOT to stay with them...you know...I knew it *might* be tense and said we could hole up in a motel...shoot, it's the coast, you're SUPPOSED to camp out...rough it...kwim? But even that was shot down.

Aph - CCR was playing when I read your post. Funny.

- Kimmy

me too, Pep. Dads and daughters are special relationships...I think yours will be fine eventually.

Hey, I listened to one of my old a CCR tapes on the way into work this morning!

Must be cosmic forces.

Or a bad moon arisn....

I think that's exactly what needs to be done - NOW. It happened in the beginning...but you all know that the beginning of this was bullshyt...just a further ploy to see if he could cake eat.

I think it needs to be done again....but I doubt it'll make a bit of difference to my dad. I think the bridge has been burned as far as he's concerned.

THAT'S what I thought

of course

your Daddy has some very ~special~
UNfinished business to take care of

let your Daddy say whatever he needs to say

your H has earned whatever comes his way

until that man to man goes down

why in heII should your Daddy trust anything your H says

without that man to man ... your H has weinered out

sorry babe

I fall on Daddy's side of the fence right now

YOUR H has NOT YET earned his way back into the family's good graces

After everyones input, I've come to the conclusion it's on my dad's and the Wookie's heads (the Wookie's mostly - Pep is right, this is his mess to man up to). They will handle it or they won't - but I won't be subjecting my children to anybody that won't treat them LIKE MY CHILDREN. PERIOD. I've seen my dad do it once. He either deals or he won't.

BTW: I'll repeat it b/c she LOVES to hear it...PEP IS RIGHT. She may not be Texan, but that's the ONLY thing wrong with her.

Kimmy

men don't function like women

they usually base their relationships on mutual respect ... NOT feelings

your H can make himself respectable once more ...but it takes a ~manly~ sort of effort ...

My H went directly to my parents and told them he'd made a huge error, and he'd spend the rest of his life proving he would be a decent husband to their daughter .... then he did ... my H makes an effort to spend alone time with my Dad. They had to re-build their relationship too.

I am NOT always right ... I don't want to be right ... I want to be good.... and THAT is where I most often fail <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

No Pep...you're an angel...your horns hold the halo in place.