(((((beginning again))))) It's tough, brother. Suffice it to say that I am thrilled that your wife has repented and is once again seeking to submit her will to God's will.
With respect to your questions, let me try to address them and you can decide if they are appropriate for you or not.
Anyway, my question is this: I have read that you have not forgiven your wife's OM because he has not repented and asked for your forgiveness and that you don't believe you are required to, biblically. Can you give me the Scriptures that support this view? My understanding is that we are to forgive as God has forgiven us and while we must repent to recieve the forgiveness, it is offerred by God regardless.
Okay, the Scripture you are referring to (there are many that touch on forgiveness) would seem to be Jesus' instruction to Peter;
"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, [color:"red"]I tell you not seven times but seventy-seven times."[/color] (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV, emphasis added),
and
[color:"red"]"If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.
If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."[/color] (Luke 17:3b-4, NIV, emphasis added)
Remember, too, that this passage in Luke follows directly on the heels of the Parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus, wherein it was abundantly clear that the brothers of the Rich Man needed to REPENT, and the Rich Man now knew the TRUTH of this needed step.
You stated;
"My understanding is that we are to forgive as God has forgiven us and while we must repent to recieve the forgiveness, it is offerred by God regardless." We ARE to forgive "as God has forgiven us." He has FIRST forgiven us THROUGH Christ and on behalf of CHRIST, not for anything we have done or didn't do. That ability to BE forgiven is freely given in the person and body of Jesus Christ. What we choose to do in accepting or rejecting THAT gift determines whether or not our sins are forgiven. We CHOOSE Christ, we express heartfelt sorrow over our sinful state, we surrender our lives (& our will) to God,
repenting of our sins and accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
God DOES NOT forgive our sins without our "doing it HIS way," not our way.
Secondly, if you haven't forgiven the OM, how do keep the anger and bitterness from affecting you? If you have dealt with these emotions, then haven't you forgiven him? This is all very confusing to me as to how the way I feel relates to forgiveness and what God requires me to do.
No, I have NOT forgiven the OM. Nor am I likely to. He HAS Moses, the Prophets, Jesus, and the Scripture. If they are not enough to bring him to repentance, my "magnamously" tossing out "Forgiveness of the sin he perpetrated against me" would not only be 'unwelcome,' it would be a POOR WITNESS for what is required in order to BE forgiven of one's sins. IF he receives Forgiveness of his "sin debt" from the Master (God), then I, as a fellow servant of the Lord WILL also forgive him. Without his FIRST repenting and receiving salvation forgiveness of his sins from GOD, any attempt by me to "bestow" forgiveness "as God has forgiven me" would border on blaspheme, and certainly would demean and devalue what it COST Jesus to enable God to forgive me.
Don't forget that the "clarion call" throughout the Scripture is a call to REPENT, to turn from sinful ways, TO God.
BUT, having said that, "VENGEANCE is mine, saith the Lord." I release my bitterness and anger in two primary ways. One is through a BOUNDARY of NO CONTACT. I want this person, regardless of whether or not he is ever forgiven, to be OUT of my life forever. It is the "cost," the "consequence," of the sin that is required (as God forgave David but still imposed the terrible consequence of losing children as a result of the sin David committed) by me as "restitution" and the "least that can be done to 'make up for' the enormity of the sin that WAS committed.
TWO is by releasing MY "right" to vengeance to God. I turn the OM over to God, trusting in God, not the OM or myself, that God WILL do what is right in God's judgment. If it is to draw the OM to Him in order to save his soul, far be it from me to stand in God's way. If it is to abandon him to he11, where the "punishment" will be far greater than anything I could imagine, that, too, is in the hands of God and I REST easy knowing that God WILL repay or forgive immeasureably more than I ever could.
So to answer your question,
"how do keep the anger and bitterness from affecting you?", sometimes I don't. I AM human and I DO get angry. But then I remind myself of God's admonition to believers; "Be angry (righteous anger over sin), but in your anger do not also sin." I turn him over to God and know that unless he repents, "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
In addition to that, "I won." I know that sounds a bit trite, but what I know of the OM's life, it's not good. I stood for God, scared beyond my wits and could see no hope, and simply trusted God for whatever outcome HE knew was best for me and for my wife. Today, 4 years later, my wife is in love with me and the healing continues. We are "almost there," but God may want to keep some of it as MY "thorn" to keep me humble and in recognition that it IS God who is control, not me or anyone else.
Do I still "trigger" from time to time? Do I sometimes get the urge to do somethign fiendish? Yep. I'm human. BUT I don't have to ACT on my feelings. I can surrender them to God also. The PEACE that surpasses all understanding is REAL and it is TANGIBLE. You WILL feel it too, when you walk the surrendered life and live in the JOY of what God has done for you REGARDLESS OF, or DESPITE, any circumstances you face in your life.
God bless.
