I am new here and am seeking some advice on a couple of issues.

In 2004 My husband admitted to me that he had a three week affair in 2000 with a woman who was never his girlfriend but who he did have a flirtation with when he and I were dating almost 15 years ago. He told me she has been persuing him for over 15 years despite our marriage.


He also admiited to two one night stands prior to that affair.

He claims it was not an emotional affair because he felt nothing for her and broke it off when she asked him to have unprotected sex with her. He claims he has not cheated again since then nor has he been tempted to despite the fact that she has agressevily persued him ever since.

He came clean because he could no longer live with the guilt and because he was afraid of losing his family if I found out some other way.

Question1-Should I beleive this was not an emotional affair even though this is someone he had a previous"history" with?


A complication of this whole thing is that the OW is the sister of my husband' brother's wife. In order to never have any contact with the OW we no longer have a relationship with my husbands family because they continue to welcome the OW and her family to their home despie the fact that I revealed the affair to them. They claim this is in order not to offend the other brother. I believe my husbands 2 sisters and mother knew about the affair but continued to allow this woman into their home. This is devastating to my husband becuase his mother is in very poor health and cannot leave her home and he cannot visit her.

Question 2- Should I relent and visit my mother in law despite the fact that there is a very small but existing possibility that we could run into the OW or her family?

Going forward, assuming his words of remorse, regret and desire to heal, it doesn't matter the level of his emotional involvement. 100% emotional or 0% - you go about building the best marriage you can the same way.


Before fully answering this question, who in the family doesn't know of the affair - including OW's husband? Assuming everyone knows, I say you have to take the risk that you might run into OW. Affair proof your marriage by following the MB principles and the risk will be smallest that another affair occurs.

JMHO

You CAN believe it if you believe your husband. Not all affairs are also "Emotional Affairs." Some are "just about sex." Many man could hump a banister if there was enough mental stimulation in their visual cortex.




The choice is yours. You and go or not go. The OW is NOT "family" and adultery is wrong. But life is also short and you might regret punishing them for the OW's sin instead of talking with them about how it hurt you and how their having an unrepentant sinner around continues to hurt you make it appear that they don't want you around.

Everyone in my husband's family and the OW family knows about the affair. I told everyone. I didn't know this was the right thing to do at the time, I did it just becuase it felt like the right thing to do. The OW is not married but she is currently living with a married man. I do not believe this man knows because he was not around back then, should I tell him too?

So are you suggesting that we can visit but my husband needs to understand that I will vocalize my grievances to his family?

I had not considered that I was punishing them for what my husband and the OW did. Thanks for that input, I will meditate on that since I am a believer.

A class act, this OW, huh?

Does your H know this? Make sure he does!

Don't bother telling her new OM - he won't care.

If everyone also knows she's boinking another married man, you just stay the moral high ground and work on your marriage. Suggest your H come here as well.

Have you identified the ENs you were not meeting?

WAT