I've finally hit the bottom of this barrel and decided to seek counsel.<P>(yes, I can hear the screams of joy)<P>I'm scared.<BR>

HURRAY! Those screams of joy must be deafening-but I think some of it might come from you. You go Girl! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

It is scary...facing the darkest parts of ourselves is frightening...but so uplifting. (((hugs))) And you'll be ok...come here and let us know how it goes.<P>------------------<BR>Joan

Maya, if you find the right counsellor it can be a god-send. Nothing wrong with validation of your feelings. I'm thinking of you, was wondering how you were. Bottom of the barrel? Nowhere to go but up then...<P>take care.

Isn't God wonderful!!! I am glad. I prayed for you yesterday. You had me WORRIED to death!!<P>MONDO HUG!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

It's not as bad as you may think Maya. Just remember that you may not get a counselor you like. You might have to try a couple. Hope it works for you Maya. You really deserve some peace in your life.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Maya,<BR>Again I am very proud of you. I would think it would be scary but just imagine if someone could help you unlock whatever it is that is keeping you from being fullfilled. If there is something and you become free from it and happy because of it its worth all the scary thoughts. And...... as outspoken and to the point as you are the psycho-babble will probably be held to a minimum ha ha. <BR>My hope and prayer is that you find something that might make you cry but ultimately show Maya who Maya is and who we all see you as. A very wonderful and intelligent person who is worth happiness and a deep intamate marrige with her husband.... I hope anyway because you have been working so hard. Take care, keep us posted....

Thank you all so much for your support. And now the big question ... HOW do I find a good counselor to pour my guts out to?

I support you 100% Maya, but just a thought for you to ponder...I went to counsler a few years ago when I thought I was as low as I could go(I am much lower now than I was then) and I had no fear, no anxiety, nothing. I was numb to the world and could care less what the counsler thought of me or anyone else for that matter. You on the other hand do care or you would not be scared. This puts you miles ahead of me then and now. My prayers are with you

Maya - this is a great step toward your recovery. You'll be amazed at how a GOOD counselor can speed your recovery.<P>I think Harley has a section in this website addressing how to find a good counselor. Read through that. My insurance required me to select my counselor from a limited pool...but I was lucky. I found a good guy.<P>Good luck and God bless you Maya!!!

Maya, also remember that if you find one that you aren't comfortable that it's ok to look for another. I didn't think I could do that but then I finally found someone I could relate to. If the counsellor is any good they will know how to relate you.... but overall, your the one who needs the service and your the one who needs to be happy. I went through 3 before I found the one I can talk to now!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

Maya, are you comfortable asking people for recommendations, perhaps asking your pastor or friends? In addition, PRAY about it. <P>My first counselor wasn't very good. And I've never met my H's counselor but I AM NOT impressed with him. Last spring I began asking around and my current counselor's name was offered from 3 different people. By that time I also knew I wanted a Christian counselor because the secular way is just bogus to me (and I have a psychology minor with many additional credits in counseling). <P>I wanted someone who would pray about what they were advising me to do.<P>If finances are a problem, some Christian counseling centers (like mine) will agree to a donation amount. I've got insurance that will cover non-Christian, which was how I got the first not-so-good counselor, but I'd rather spend money out of my pocket on someone that HELPS me.<P>God bless.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lor (Lor) (edited October 01, 1999).]

Lor, I cannot ask my pastor. I've spent the last year re-building my wall of protection from everyone. It's pretty much built back up and I don't want anyone to know I'm still struggling.<P>I have ONE friend out of state that I'm confiding in .... all the rest think things are great in the marriage and that's what I WANT them to think.<P>I checked the 'net for Christian Counselors in the area, and will cross reference it with my company's insurance to see if I get lucky and have a match.

Maya,<P>Just ask them right off what their spiritual beliefs are, and if they don't jive with yours, find another. I've done that.<P>If you like huggy-feely, tell them up front. If you like clinical, the ones who ask over and over "how does that make you feel", say that. Just be honest with them about what you expect.<P>Best, best wishes as you enter the world of therapy... <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Hi, Maya,<P>Sorry I'm late but just got here!<P>I'm *so* happy you've decided to 'take the plunge'. I was terrified too, but desperate...lucklily had gotten a referral that was a good one... and I felt so much better coming out. I can't tell you it'll all be a bed of roses - sometimes you have to face things about yourself you'd rather not... but Maya, it can also be a wonderful experience.<P>You've already goten some advice on how to find one - listen, my MIL is a Christian counselor, if you're interested I will ask if she knows anyone on your area, lemme know... but the biggest thing here is to *trust your gut* about this person. If somebody's trying to cram something down your throat that you just *know* is wrong for you, move on. Like some said, it may take a try or 2 to get it right (then again, you don't wanna be like my SIL, who beat feet every time somebody told her something she didn't want to hear - i.e. that she *might* have a thing or two to do with her woes? - and has run through about six counselors over the years... without making much progress... but don't get me started..LOL). Tell them up front you're afraid. believe me, they're not ogres...the vast majority just want to help, & really care.<P>Let us know how things are going with your search; actually, I'll ask my MIL & get back to you about whether she knows someone (MO, right?). Good decision, Maya!!!! This is about taking control of your life instead of letting it control you. Learning more about yourself & your spouse can never be a bad thing. Knowledge is power! <P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

Thanks for the help, Suse. If you want, you can e-mail me at maya_bryan@hotmail.com and I can give you details on the area. Unfortunately I need to try to stay with my company insurance, as the cost is SOOOOOOOOOOO much cheaper. ($20/hr versus $90/hr)<P>But I could use some help here! THX!

I'll ask my MIL & get back!<P>Just read andy/airheart's thread "how long" - gawd, I do remember those feelings... and they do take a long time to pass... no quick fix. But for what it's worth, what you all want is *not* impossible. I know it's so hard, though, to be where y'all are at... (now I'm sounding like LS)<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<P>p.s. - I copied your email addy - delete away, if you want!<p>[This message has been edited by suse (edited October 01, 1999).]