Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
I
Member
Member
I Offline
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
First, a few new issues. H and OW are no longer working together and no longer seeing each other. H found out that OW was an opportunist who used him to get ahead at work and she no longer needs him now. He is devastated and I almost feel sorry for him.

He moved into his new apartment, which oldest daughter tells me is a pathetic little place. Again, I almost feel sorry for him.

Younger daughter seems to have made peace with him not being here and has, again, basically cut him off. I have no sympathy about that.

And on to me, I'm done with trying. Too much hurt, too much bs and not enough love. I'm running on empty and I realized that it's not so bad. My life has settled and I now know that I deserve better than what he has given me. I did my very best Plan A and followed it with a great Plan B but now i'm moving to Plan me.

There was no one thing that brought me to this realization but I think it was precipitated by how he abandoned me emotionally when my dad passed away and then abandoned me completely when I was at my lowest point. Someone who loved me wouldn't have done that. Fog or no fog, depression, midlife crisis, whatever, I needed him and he wasn't there and all it did was show me how strong I can be.

Physically, I feel better than I have in a long time. It's like I no longer need to live to please him. i noticed thing that I guess I had ignored during my "perfect marriage". My daughter told me yesterday how pretty I looked with makeup on and asked why I never wore it before. I answered honestly, that Daddy didn't like me to wear makeup. From there I realized that it's been years since he told me I looked nice, that there were times I cut my hair or drastically changed the color and yet, he never noticed. I'm finding pieces of me that have been in hibernation for 18 years and I like it. I can, once again, be me. It's a powerful and awesome feeling.

I think at first I was so enmeshed in the why did he do this to me thing that I wanted the marriage saved at any cost. Now I see that he was the one that was lacking in the marriage and how dare he make me feel useless and worthless. I'm healing. I hope he heals too, but I doubt it.


I am so lost Because life is as brief as it is, let us not waste precious time destroying one another, but rather nourish the strength and encourage the weakness of each other with hope
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291
R
Member
Member
R Offline
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 291
Hi ISL,

I'm glad I saw this this morning. I'm a sucker for a story with a happy ending, and it certainly appears that your's is exactly that.

If you decide to stick around to help and advise others, you need to change that screen name though...it no longer applies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Me, 58
Her, 52 (called away 4/5/2005)
Married 32+
d-day (this time) 6/13/04
children - grown

The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethic over convenience, and truth over popularity...these are choices that measure your life.
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
I
Member
Member
I Offline
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
Thanks Ron. I no longer feel lost and it's a good feeling. For a while there, I thought this would kill me but here I am. I am by no means ready to date, god help me lol, but I feel I am ready to be alone and that's a really big step for me.

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
W
Member
Member
W Offline
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Hi there lady - I can't say "Hi there Iamsolost" because I agree with Ron about your name. You may recall I recommended you change it some time ago! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On the path to individual recovery, those who succeed at it have to cross the point you describe. This doesn't mean that marital recovery suddenly becomes impossible - just that it becomes optional.

No one can say he won't soon see the light. He might. he might not. But this is out of your hands.

I recommend you continue on your path and allow him to take the steps necessary to officially dissolve the marriage. Strange things have happened in this phase. In that you wisely recognize that you have no cause to immediately "replace" him, you consequently have no cause to hurry a divorce - if it is going to happen. Sit tight and continue to heal, all the while setting yourself up for the best goal you can strive for - a clear conscience.

WAT

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
I
Member
Member
I Offline
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 237
Thanks WAT. You've always been such a great support and I so appreciate that. I'm not pushing for a divorce. The ball is still in his court on that. I'm just learning to be me again. Right now it's just me and my girls and my pets and that's all I need for now. And, yes you did recommend a name change a while ago lol.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,138 guests, and 56 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
apefruityouth, litchming, scrushe, Carolina Wilson, Lokire
72,032 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0