Post deleted by kknomore

"Here's my major problem if I dont feel guilty what does that say about my marriage. Im the type of person who still feels guilty about the smallest rude comment I said to someone 10 years ago."

You don't feel guilty because you are feeling great entitlement, fueled by resentment and a lack of respect.

Have you read all articles on this site? About The Lovebank, Lovebusters, Emotional Needs, Rules of Marriage? If you educate yourself on all that Harley offers here, you might see your part, your real part, in your marriage.

Wanna start with honesty? I believe you see yourself as a very honest, caring person.

Can you tell which one of these is true?

" I left him a few weeks ago and that was not the first time."
"But he kicks me out of the house at least once a month."

You don't have to be anyone else...not your MIL or anyone. You choose your life. Your choice. Like just you chose infidelity.

Have you confessed to your H?

LA

Ahhhh, could it be because you're totally confused? And selfish? Stir in rationalization? Pre-heat oven for only 23 years and half bake it?

Just a guess.

Seriously, you need to re-evaluate what is important in life.


Why does he do this? When did this start? Why does he allow you back?

I'm not saying he doesn't have responsibility in this. He likely needs as much help as you do.

I agree with L.A.

You feel empowered by your act. No self-respecting indvidual would feel empowered to cheat on their spouse and not feel guilty about it.

Also because you are unhappy in your marriage, you created a sense of entitlement to seek happiness whether or not you don't have any feelings for the person to whom you cheated with. Your action justified your behavior to cheat.

Now, look at your child. What do you see? What do you feel? If you feel any sense of guilt, that's a good place to start to figure out the whys.

Good luck.

Ack...deleted her post.

We gave her our best shot, WAT & Star...guess I have my own abandonment issues, huh?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Post deleted by kknomore

I don't think you get it yet.

Didn't you say you had a child or two with your H?

If yes, can I have them when you give up on your family so easily?

I lost a child and then my marriage and as a result, I appreciate the value of family more than most folks.

They'll have a good home, I promise.

WAT

Post deleted by kknomore

Ok you know what Im still not done I got to do some major venting here

I believe you care about your son. I really do. I just wanted to emphasize that dissolving a family should not be a hasty decision.

I'll assume everything you say about your H is accurate, but please forgive any hesitancy on my part to do so because it's par for the course for an unfaithful spouse to demonize their husband/wife in order to justify their affair.

I suggest you get an attorney and file for divorce - again assuming what you say is accurate. Not all marriages should be saved, IMHO, and perhaps yours is one of them.

In the meantime, I recommend you keep your nose clean with regard to other men. Do not fall into that cess pool again, it can only hurt your situation.

How old is your husband?

WAT

Have you tried everything? Have you learned anything from this website or the Harleys and their books that might help you understand where you are at and what is needed to get your husband moving here?

In His arms.

Post deleted by kknomore

I cometely understand your reluctance to believe because with the internet its not always so easy to get the truth. ANd as I sit here crying reading my own words it just keeps beating into my head that I cant do this anymore!!!! Ive tried I dont like to give up on people and this crap is probably the reason I am going to school to help people but you know what I would tell someone else to leave him so why cant I do it. Im more screwed up then the people I will probably help hows that for a kick in the butt. But I do agree whole heartedly that I must stay away from cheating because no matter what he has done to me or to our life together he does not deserve that. Oh crap think I do feel guilty which is actually quite releaving.

My husband is a few months younger than me

OK, I encourage you to answer mortarman's questions, but I'll say that perhaps neither you nor your H - especially your H - is mature enough for marriage. But realizing your own status, you're making progress.

If your H keeps dope in the house, I recommend you get to an attorney pronto. Remove your child from that environment.

Illegal drugs is a deal breaker. Period.

WAT

Post deleted by kknomore

Post deleted by kknomore

But you know what even with all of this going on I still dont feel justified in my actions. To be honest Im so scared of him finding out even though my gut keeps telling me that I have to be honest with him. I know he will never forgive me and I dont blame him one little bit but Im afraid for how it will effect our relationship with our son if I do.

Ok Im just gonna stop now Ive gone overboard with the venting and I dont need my dirty laundry out for the entire world to read I shouldnt have said half of that even though its true becuase he is my sons father and I will always care for him I dont need to cause more drama in my life

Thata girl. Nor should you. It's bad form to defile the bank robber from behind the wheel of the getaway car.

I think you should weigh the views of others, but perhaps you should not come clean with him right away. I honestly have mixed feelings on this and hopefully others will chime in.

Suffice to say that you should be getting close-in guidance and not rely on us amateurs sight unseen. We can be adept at garden variety affairs, but your marriage is complicated by issues that I know I have no business advising on. Moral support, yes. Legal and drug issues, no - other than to get away from the drugs.

WAT