Hi everyone, this is my first post. My husband told me four months ago that he a had been having an affair with an ex-co-worker for the past three years. He said he ended it and wanted to work together and save our marriage. Of course I was devestated as everyone else is on here and after long deliberation, we deciede to give our marriage a try. Well, the OW decided that was not going to be the end of it. She called me and said she wanted to know if I kicked him out yet, so she can be with him in Seattle for his business course coming up. It was sickening and I told her not to contact either of us again and that she needed to leave us the *&@* alone.

My H cancelled the Seattle trip. She didn't know that and I think she drove to Seattle to be with him and he wasn't there:0)Ha ha

She began to call my H repeatedly at his work and then started threatening him, that she was going to ruin his life like he has hers for the past 3 yrs. When my H did not answer her calls or emails (which she sent to him 5-6 times a day)She called his boss and made allegations against him that she was a patient of his and he was having sex with her in the office and that he was using drugs. We were devestated that she was going this far and it was making it very hard for us to save our marriage. I was bitter and back and forth about letting him stay. She kept it up with more phone calls and another call to his boss. My H had to explain to his boss and co-workers what was going on. (which I felt was good humiliation for him) but, it was affecting his job and his sanity. I am a stay at home mom. We can't afford him to lose his job. She then started calling and telling us that he was harrasing her and that she was going to call the police.

Well, we couldn't take anymore and H filed a restraining order against her and we got it, because we saved the emails. We didn't hear from OW for a couple weeks and we actually started to work on us and things were going great. And then, I received an envelope addressed to me in the mail with pictures of my H half naked on her bed. No return address or letter enclosed. We called the police and they said we can't prove she sent it. they called her and she told them she broke it off with my husband and that he sent me the pictures to try to get her arrested. Another relapse for me of course..Anyway, I know this is long, but there has been so much going on with her that I feel I need to explain. Well the police gave her a scare and we didn't hear from her for about a month, and then, she's back...She filed a restraining order on him and accused him of constantly calling her work and calling her a B**** and that he was threatening to cut her brakes on her truck and that he had vandalized her truck and was in fear of her life. I don't know how much more I can take of this chick. She is crazy. My H has been home every night and calls me throught the day and calls me when he leaves to come home from work, so I know where he is. She is lyeing and I do not beleive he has had any contact with her.

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT HER..SHE WON'T LEAVE US ALONE AND I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE END. SHE WILL TRY TO MAKE UP SOMETHING THAT WILL LOOK LIKE MY HUSBAND BROKE THE RESTRAINING ORDER TO GET HIM ARRESTED.

I need some advise, I have not found any articles or anything that helps betrayed spouses deal with psycho ex lovers. Please, if anyone has ever been in this position or just has some advise. Please respond. I have two small children and I am desperate. I do not want anything to happen to us. We are trying so hard to work it out and every time we make strides, she comes along and puts us back to square one.

Which was her intent all along.



Good. Keep doing this. Every contact...every suspected contact DOCUMENT IT ALL. Keep a binder of the stuff. Date and time everything. Remember, the truth ALWAYS comes out.



And since you know where he is YOU ARE HIS ALIBI...you know that right? VD (our OW's initials) accused the Wookie of the same stuff (but it was her new lover's truck that was supposidly messed with)...but with the Wookie home every night, I can attest to him being where he said he was.

Can you all move?

VD is so similar to your OW it's scary. Typical maneater...can't have him, no one else can....

(shudder)

The only real thing you can do is continue to take legal actions. If she is using the telephone to make harassing calls, contact the phone company and let them know. They can take steps to trace the calls and report the incidents to the authorities. Report any harassing contact to the police so you can continue to maintain a restraining order. Keep a good relationship with the police and let them know of any problems. Beyond that it takes private expenses to do anything else. Such as having your lawyer sending her a note to cease any threats or she will be sued for something such as slander.

If you have seen the movie Fatal Attraction then you know people do become deparate in their warped jealousy, so be careful.

Hi, thanks for replying. I am so glad that there are people who beleive me about the OW..This has been going on for four months. I don't think she is ever going to stop. We own our house and my kids go to a great elementary school. It would be hard for us to move. We would have to sell our house. I am just so mad that she is making me think about moving to get away. Sometimes I want to confront her. She doesn't have a reatraining order on me. Has anyone ever confronted the OW?

>Has anyone ever confronted the OW?

Yeah. It's like spitting into the wind...does nothing to the wind and you end up all icky.

Seriously...her next ploy will probably be that she's pregnant (if she hasn't pulled it already)....I wouldn't put it past her. Line your duckies up...when they're this dramatic and on a roll, they seldom stop until they go WAY overboard.

On the reply about the phone calls, she doesn't call T at work anymore because the receptionist have not been letting her through. They recoginize her voice. She used to call and use fake names to get through to him. She called once after she was served and the receptionist new who she was. the OW told her to tell T "thanks for the piercing". T called the police and they said couldn't prove it was her. I really don't know how the RO is going to protect us. She is smart and sneaky(I hate to say it) always stays under the radar

I have asked my husband if she could be pregnant. The last time they were together was in December. He says no, but I wouldn't put it past her either..Anything else I need to prepare for?

Is she mobile?

I mean, does she drive, does she have a car?

Ours doesn't/isn't...

But I've seen that others show up "accidentally" across streets, at stores, at parks...stuff like that.

Has she tried to get chummy with family and friends? That might also happen.


>They recoginize her voice. She used to call and use fake names to get through to him. She called once after she was served and the receptionist new who she was. the OW told her to tell T "thanks for the piercing".

VD called Wookies dispatch (he's a policeman) and proceeded to give all the gory details of their very past relationship. You should've heard how righteous dispatch got...you'd have wet your pants it was so funny.

BE FRIENDLY and kind to all of your husbands co-workers...it's always great that THEY sympathize with you (and they SHOULD, but some get snowed by OW sometimes). They will also help you document any attempted contact (by letting you know so you can log it in your handy dandy notebook).

She can be as sneaky as she wants...all worms fry in the sun.

On the bright side, your husband is sure learning his lesson from this affair. I bet he feels like a real angel after all this!

This doesn't sound like the kind of woman that I would confront. That's exactly what she wants, a response. Just keep on the defense and never ever let your husband be near her again or she'll accuse him of assault.

Beauty, read this....

VD is the definition of a Spider Woman....kinda fits y'all's ow, too imo

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD

She has a Red truck..Get this, exactly like my husbands truck. I hate that truck now, and don't even want to ride in it. She once told T (my husband) that she watched our family open presents through our window on Xmas Eve. I was so freaked out by that. She has been watching my kids? How dare she...She also new what nights that T took them swimming at our nearby rec center. I am constantly looking out the window for the dreaded Red truck. I HATE HER AND WHAT SHE IS DOING TO US, and sometimes I hate my husband too for putting us in this position. He called me today and was acting all depressed and i just got angry with him. I told him that he is doing excatly what she wants. Sometimes he makes me mad because he is so "whoa is me". What about me....I hate how we have to watch our backs now and I think I have a right to be angry with him. He said he is depressed because now it has brought up all the bad feelings in me back. He is right, I am mad that she is controlling his life.

Oh that woe is me crapola has got to go. The only way for him to fix this and fix your marriage is to QUIT FOCUSING ON HIMSELF and begin to focus on you and your m.......

I hated it when the WOokie pitied himself...I mean, for crying out loud HE DID THIS, not me....

To quote another post MAN UP already.

did he tell you because she was threatening to tell you..
that's what it sounds like to me..
that she reached a this is three years of life and I no longer want to be the OW>....and you won't leave her...so I am going to tell her...

and walla"

instant confession time from your spouse...

wonder how many lies he's told her and you...and what the real truth is..

ARK

Oh..I have asked myself that same question and him. I asked him who broke it off and did she give him an ultimatum? He said YES, that she wanted him to divorce me and that she was tired of waiting and she said me or her. He said he chose me and the kids. I KNOW that she threatened him that she would tell me after that, because after he did, she couldn't wait to call me and hurt me with all his lies. She told me about alot of secret meetings. I just wanted her to stop and HU on her. I know deep down inside that he only told me to save face and to look like it was all his idea. I have never told him this, but I know it's true...

Three years is a long time to secretley be with someone and live a double life. I had no idea that he was having an affair. He was home every night and on the weekends. Where did he find the time...How could he all of a sudden say he has no feelings for her anymore. I just don't believe it.

I understand. All of it. All those feelings you have.

>I have never told him this, but I know it's true...

I hope someday you can come to the realization that it doesn't really matter the HOW or the WHY the truth came out....only that it did come out and after it did YOU were in charge of your life.



I know. It's hard to come to terms with.

HUGS! If you need me I am here.

THAN YOU Dealan-de, I am glad that I joined the forumn. I needed to know that I am not the only one feeling this way. I am so sorry it happened to you too..It is the worst pain in the world, don't ya think. Thanks for the support.

P.S. Did the crazy b**** Vd ever go away???

Honey...we're stuck with her. 3 years and 2 other children....we're going for custody of the babies...

Hence my saying with certainty that if she hasn't pulled the pg ploy, she probably will.

>It is the worst pain in the world, don't ya think

Yeah. But if *I* can live thru it, you can. I thought I was gonna die. I thought I was alone....I didn't find this site till after OC2 was on his merry way...I'm a firm beliver of if I had found it before, there would've never been an OC2...MB helped THAT much (once I quit raging against the machine and put everything into practice...thought I was "special" I did)...

- Kimmy

The aloneness is the hard part. You don't want to tell your family and friends that you Husband is a cheater. So, you feel stuck with all your feelings with no one to talk to who could even understand what your going through. So thank you..I hope others will lend their advice as well. I would love to make some new friends..

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE..No babies, I could not handle that. You are a stronger woman than me. By the way..Sandy the Squirrel is my daughters favorite Sponge Bob character:0)

>You are a stronger woman than me.

Sez you, but thank you.

>I would love to make some new friends..

The only trouble I have with my old friends is that they knew the old me. I'm a far different person than I was way back pre-a. They are righteously protective of that person I was...and I love them for it...but I'm not her anymore, and more often than not, they cannot see to forgive the Wookie...which makes it hard on me. New friends know the me I am now...and are far more accepting (tho I get that "bigger woman" statement A LOT).

How is your husband doing? The reason I ask is because it goes a LONG way in YOUR recovery...

- Kimmy

Dear Beauty,

Regardless of the "whys", your husband is with YOU. He chose that. He chose YOU. Please don't let uncertainties plant a seed of doubt in you as I think such a seed will only sprout into a weed of distrust and destruction. Pray, instead, that the truth will be revealed to you in good time and that you will act appropriately upon it.

In the meantime, stay the course.

Just my thoughts,

MAzingrace