On Wed night (3/29/06)my H called me on the way home from work and started talking crazy, that he wasn't happy w/his life, wasn't sure if he wanted to stay married, etc. Things I had NEVER heard before. When he got home we had a hard, but great talk. He told me his needs weren't being met and that he had been going to a bar to play pool regularly for a couple of months and lying about it and that he had been tempted by random attractive women hitting on him. We made up that night and had great SF that night, the next morning and Thurs night. Friday morning he went outside, came back in and said we needed to go upstairs and talk.

What came out was that he just got off the phone w/a waitress from the bar he goes to, telling her he would never see her again and wanted to save his marriage. He slept w/her on Wed night 3/15 in his truck after getting drunk at the bar and then again on Thur morning 3/21. The only other time he saw her outside the bar was for lunch sometime between these dates. He says he used protection both times and the second time he was unable to "finish."

We are seeing a counselor on Fri. Things are actually going surprisingly well. I cried and yelled most of Friday and then on Sat we took the kids to my parents and spent the day sitting at the beach and talking, going clothes shopping (always makes me feel better) and then went to dinner at a favorite sushi place. That's when it all went bad.

I told him I didn't want to go home and that I wanted to get drunk. We went to a bar, had 2 pitchers and the rest was pretty ugly. I said a lot of hateful things and he put up with most of it, then got angry and then apologized and said he would take whatever I dished out. Ever since then things have been quiet which just seems so weird. I have been praying a lot and talking w/my best friend who is very supportive.

The worst part is that we took both the Dynamic Marriage 8 week class using HNHN book and a follow-up class last year. We knew all this info and never applied it. STUPID!

Reading through the articles and forums and re-reading our books has been helpful, it just hurts so bad that all this stuff has a new meaning for us now. I think we will make it, but the purity and innocence of our marriage is gone forever. We met at church in college, had a pure dating relationship and have been actively involved in the same church for 12 years. I never want to go back now, I'm so ashamed this happened to us.

Welcome to MB. you will find great suppotr here.

Do not be ashamed of what happened to you. Infidelity is, unfortunately a common problem. I, too thought it could never happen to me, too. But, it did.

Read everything on this site. You already have some of the materials. Put them to work.

Good luck.

One thing I could say, "STAY AWAY FROM BARS".

There is nothing but crap that goes on there and people somehow don't care if anyone else is married or not as long as they can hump someone.

That is where my W hung out and that's where our marriage almost ended. I had asked her not to go there and she did behind my back and lied about it, now she has to put up with what I'm going through.

He has to promise to come home straight from work and if he goes anywhere, he needs to let you know. He took all the trust you had for him and flushed it doen the toilet.

It will take time but it will eventually get better.

There are many, many Christians on this board. It doesn't make you immune. Actually, I think it is such an easy door for the devil to get in to. My D-day was 3/27 and we too are doing remarkably well. Marriages can definitely be saved and this board proves that. Don't be ashamed to go back to church. The whole world doesn't have to know.