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You have access to her cell phone records? If not, LMK. There are ways.
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weneed-
I do have access to her cell phone records (actually in my name). That's how I found out this was going on.
Since then, she has never called him from her cell. Called him on the home phone once, and I caught that too (recorder on home phone).
I know she has used public phones to call him. Don't know that she has done it since Feb 20, but I suspect she has.
What I really need is a copy of OM's cell phone bill. I don't have any idea how to get that and it may even be illegal. That's the number she always calls him on, I just don't know how to get access. I know name, address and I think carrier too.
Any ideas?
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One way that might work would require physical access to his cell phone. Not likely to be practical, and not sure re legal. You've tried voice-actived recorder in her car?
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I have not tried that - I don't think she uses drive up pay phones - she has a store she goes in and uses the phone.
Probably not legal to get his phone.
Of course, his W could help me out I'm sure, I just wish I could figure it out before then.
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It wouldn't be legal to obtain that; don't want to see you in legal trouble. I have a friend who is an attorney
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19, please quit making yourself crazy and just do it. It matters not if she contacted him this week or last, she is not done with the affair and your marriage is not going to recover as long as that door stands wide open.
The OMW can watch from her end, which will make it much easier to ensure no contact. And you must know that the OM is NOT ABOUT to disrupt his marriage over your W [or he would have already] and will be motivated to truly end contact.
Please make a move and get this done. If you do it tomorrow, you will have the weekend to deal with the fallout.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It wouldn't be legal to obtain that; don't want to see you in legal trouble. I have a friend who is an attorney No legal trouble if OM's W gives 19 the phone. I have a Wookie who's a cop.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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She could also be using a calling card to make those calls. You can prepurchase those. How about checking her purse the next time you have a chance to see if she has one in there? A little underhanded but do what you have to do.
I agree that you need to expose to OMW. Even if it you tell her you're unsure of contact at this point. She has a right to know what her husband has been up to.
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ML - I am going to do it - although I am admittedly not wanting to. I was about to do it today - I really was - when I realized I will see her tonight (maybe OM too) at a school function for our kids. Kids have to go (not optional) so I decided I didn't want to tell OMW knowing that she has to go to that tonight - make the situation even worse. Plus, I was chicken.
Did you see my comment above that I just remembered this morning that OMW's previous H cheated on her too? and I mean really cheated, he got the OW pregnant and married her. What effect do you think that will have on her reaction to my news?
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19, she will be upset. But she has experience with this and will likely be grateful that you told her so she can protect herself. How very sad for her. My last H and my current H had affairs so I know what she will be going through.
If you expose tomorrow, that will give you the weekend to do damage control. What do you think about tomorrow?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I do check her purse some (I know it's not nice, but like you said...) I never looked for a calling card - could she use that from her cell and have the number called not show up?
I have a recorder on the home phone, but I had technical difficulties and lost about 2 weeks of calls. And I stupidly trusted her for a couple of weeks and didn't use it at all. Anyway, it's covered now.
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19, she could use that calling card from a pay phone, that is usually how they do that. I don't think she can use it from a cell phone, though.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ML - I don't know about tomorrow (bawk bawk - that's meant to be a chicken sound).
I am inclined to wait a few more days for a phone bill I'd like to see. If there is evidence on that bill, I will have no reluctance.
Plus, now (F)WW has some potential health problems - she made a Drs. appt. today (for an appt. next week) - I may need to wait until that is resolved - or something, do you think? If I knew there was contact, I wouldn't care about this part, but if there has been none .... it would seem to pile it on. Probably nothing, but it's one of those things that if it is something, it will be a big something.
I will do it, it's a matter of when.
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The phone she was using before was a free public phone - no card needed.
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I was able to contact OWH on my cell phone using the calling card. My cell phone bill showed the 800 number for the calling card.
19, just because there is nothing on the phone bill doesn't mean that she isn't using a cell you don't know about or calling from another phone using a calling card. They do it all the time.
I know you are afraid to expose, I most definately was. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. I had to be urged and prodded by others here.
it was the ONLY thing that worked. I understand, truely, how scared you are, but it IS your MOST effective tool.
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Sick - Thanks. She has already used public phones - I know for a fact - she told me. So, she has the MO down, it's just a matter of whether she is actually doing it.
I will have to check for 800 nos. on the cell - W isn't the most technologically advanced person, however.
I am really only afraid to expose because I am not sure there has been any real contact since February 20 and we are sort of doing better. If I knew there had been contact since then, I really wouldn't care. Sort of don't care anyway since I am pretty sick of her right now.
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Man 19....just do it. Ya have too and the sooner the better. At least now you are still questioning contact. If you wait and can't confirm contact you'll have to explain that you went to the ends of the earth to find contact, couldn't and then exposed.
No much better to say, you were guessing they still had contact to diffuse the angry WS. They all get angry but it has never been held up as grounds for divorce...never.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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19..do you want to live the rest of your life like this?...checking purses and recording phone calls because your gut is SCREAMING at you that contact hasn't ended?? I don't think you do...and you will just keep building the obsession even more if you don't do what you know you have to do and tell OM's wife what you know!
Me - BS 44
Him - WS 45
3 month A..admitted to PA after 5 months of denial
D-day 12/25/05 .. Merry Christmas to me
Married 24 years
1 DS - 21
1 DD - 19
Recovering nicely
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Mr. and this_hurts - I know you are both right. I saw OM and OMW last night at a kids school function (didn't talk to them, just saw them). I am sure my W saw OM too. Seeing the SOB drives me crazy.
Don't know if you read earlier, but OMW last H cheated on her too - got OW pregnant and married her.
Anyway, thanks for telling me what I know I need to do.
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