Well, Mrs. Wondering, you are right...I guess you need to provide some supporting evidence

this is it? Do you imagine that telling a child LIES makes him feel "safe and loved?" That is just silly.

As I suspected you can't support your argument.

ML, as usual, your hostility shines through...IC works wonders....!I'm not even angry with you, just pity you

Truer words... sadly, I know this to be true... and I say that as a FWW...

When, and only when, a WS is truly a FWS, they look back and see the destruction that was once their family and life... like a hurricane... blowing through... ripping apart innocent people... and their lives.

And the children, most of all... get hurt... they, who weren't ever suppose to DO anything but just live their little lives in the care and loving arms of their parents...

The only thing that has any chance of saving a family is honesty... With oneself first...

But how does this post support your argument?

haven't heard any evidence from you yet...just your same tired repetitious argument. I have seen children destroyed when one parent demonizes another. Your lack of rational argument is almost comical

sfjaj, Who are you talking to?

Who said anything about demonizing the other parent? Again, I think you're afraid your kids may see you as you see yourself. Why don't you try and give them a little more credit than that?

It takes a LOT to turn a kid's love off towards their parent no matter what has happened. Showing the kid the CORRECT way to go about life, accept responsibility for their actions or inactions and to respect others goes a long way in reinforcing that love.


FN

sfjaj, but no one is suggesting the demonization of any parent, so I have no idea what you are talking about. You disagreed with Suzet - and everyone else on this thread - and said you had "stated all your reasons above." WHERE? Why not support your argument?

sfjaj, do you believe your children can only love you if they believe a LIE, an ILLUSION about you? Don't you think they can love you for who you REALLY ARE? Do you imagine that children feel "safe" only when they are lied to?

Here you go...


my supporting evidence


When shall I expect yours?


Mrs. Wondering

...Deleted...

Sorry about that...

This is a bit tangential to the topic at hand so ignore it if that bugs you.

The reality is we LIE to our kids all the time. e.g. there is a jolly fat guy that has flying reindeer and an inexhaustible supply of toys that he dishes out to one and all . . . The Tooth Fairy . . . The Easter Bunny . . . I know some will say that these are little lies so they don't really count . . . that is a pretty-slippery slope when you are talking about the TRUTH!!!!!!!!

We tell kids that violence never solves things, but we are a warring nation.

We tell kids that cheaters never win . . . when it is pretty obvious that they often do win.


I think you need to filter what you tell kids. I do it with mine. I turn off the news when the kids are in the room. I don't think they need to see all the half-burned body parts from the last explosion from some small corner of h_ell.

I don't let my kids watch much t.v. I don't think they need to hear all the vulgarity and sexuality that is in our common culture. So I lie by omission and censor what they see and hear.

I think it can be debatable as to what TRUTH the kids are told. The TRUTH is that millions of kids (and adults) are raped, sodomized, beaten, starved, tortured, etc. each year. The TRUTH is that some adults in positions of religious authority like to rape children. I guess I am just not the guy who is going to present that TRUTH to my preschoolers; I will wait until they grow a bit. I will shelter them. I guess that makes me an advocate of LIES . . . I can handle it.

I do think that if an affair is active then the kids need to be told that one parent has an inappropriate relationship with someone outside the marriage. If the kids are teens, then maybe a more explicit conversation would be in order. I guess it is up to each of our discretion on how vivid a picture of the inappropriateness one wishes to paint.

If my partner had some twist or kink that I just didn’t want to do . . . and it was causing BIG problems in the marriage . . . I don’t think I would tell the kids exactly what the problem was . . . just that there was a problem. I couldn’t imagine me saying that “Daddy is leaving because he doesn’t want to dress in a leather Gimp suit and be beaten with a rubber hose.” That may be TRUE, but I think it is a little too much information.

ComfortablyNumb that is precisely what my argument is! We do filter things constantly for our children FOR their own good. Thank you for eloquently expressing my point

And thank you for reading only what you wanted to hear and completely skip this paragraph all together:


Fine example of selective hearing to suit your own emotions and whims. Maybe you can call me bitter whn I say I'm by no means impressed.


FN

fourthnail, I did hear it all and agree...you must have selective reading

Please show me an example of a WS who loves their children and maintains an A. Not some love, all the love that parent should, where their children lack nothing. Show me. I haven't seen it yet.

L.

Fourthnail,

Sorry I can't give you any help here.

But I did want to ask you to explain again where Fourthnailcomes from. I tried to find your explanation because I know it impressed me very much when I read it but I haven't been able to find it.

Or point me to it. Thank you

My old pastor once preached a sermon talking about how God built a bridge between himself and us using two wooden planks and three rusty nails. I Have always liked that image and used it when coming up with a name for my graphics company, 3 Nails Graphics.

I've also heard it taught that Jesus let his love for us keep him on the cross even more so than the three nails, so I have always considered myself the fourth nail <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


FN