I am very hurt and have been.... Yes there were numerous A's- none admitted.... go figure- "you're nuts, you're imagining things" whatever..
we divorced for a while- every time I saw or talked seriously to him and was considering coming home- BOOM! the rug was pulled out again!,
he (as it turns out) was planning a trip- with OW- the OW, in this case is my cousin!
Yes, our families know! they have known, before me....- my family didn't agree with them, but forgiveness is what they are specialists at! Most of them have dealt with infidelity at least once and some in very similar situations. They all think, with the exception of one. We were raised Pentecostal, very conservative.
His family, I guess was ok with their relationship and ignores, disrespects and rejects me because of him and his lies about the past, I was the bad guy, naturally.
That hurts too, because our "vacations" were all about his family and only once my family! and once us!
Anyway, We are now, for the past 6 months,trying to work things out,AGAIN! He says he wants our marriage and to "take care of us" He has sang that same song for years! Time for a new song. But, I do believe that he is somewhat sincere, about the marriage just not about the caring part.
He and the OW said they needed companionship (who doesn't?) I'm still waiting! I get companionship when he wants "wifely duties" - to date, not very often- I am not interested, IF I can't have his attention out of the bedroom, why should I give him attention in it? I did that for years and he still ran around, so don't give me that line about they will stray, some men just do! regardless of what the wife does. As a matter of a fact, everytime we were getting and being pregnant, he was running around-go figure, I find out for sure we're pregnant then I suspect, strongly that he's running around...
About the time I think things are fine, something else pops up that brings it all back AGAIN! THIS WEEK- An unpaid medical bill, that he used the money for a vacation with her, 15 yo daughter needs clothes- no, don't use the card- oh yeah, that's right- the OW used it for her clothes and it's balance is still higher than he wants...
I wasn't working outside the home, until 3 weeks ago and now resent my job, because it takes time away from my daughter and it's not financially worth the little bit of money. but, he is so cheap with money- average $40 a month "allowance" for incidentals for the 15 yo and myself.- he goes to the grocery store with me when he thinks it's time to go and goes shopping with us, IF he can and doesn't have anything better to do, so he can control the total amount- just set a BUDGET already! I do NOT spend alot of money nor have I ever and I never pay full price for anything, the bargains are too good and our daughter is the same. But, I like to be able to have .50 cents for a pay phone, or .75 cents for a coke.... IF I should need one!
This is the story of our financial lives, at first I was blaming myself for the failures - I wanted to work, he didn't want me to- I wanted female companionship, we had no family living close by and no female friends and no church... But, now I remember why I continued working- he didn't think the kids needed clothes and we certainly didn't need more than one set of sheets for each bed!
Now, about the OW-I know the "friendship" was on and off for 7 years, but was it before, as I suspected- when she lived in my house????
He says "won't go there, it's over, it's in the past and it doesn't need to be discussed! you are really ticking me off! We were just friends and it was a friendship I shouldn't have persued"
I'm tired of hurting! and I am really tired of feeling angry and suspicious, untrusted, untrusting, alone and rejected.
I forgive them both, but I can't forget it and go on, like he'd like me to- life won't just let sleeping dogs lie...
Amazingly enough, I don't blame her- I blame him! He is the one who made the conscious decision to take from our children and give to her and he is the one who took her all the places he couldn't take me and or the kids.
Is this latest stunt with the medical bill and the clothes going to be enough for me to get over it?
And MORE this past WEEK! I left him an ugly letter this morning about him, the OW and his family- his mom has been in from out of state, he and his mother "sneak" around to meet, so she doesn't have to see me- the 15 yo won't go to see gma- don't know why- don't ask, I figure she will talk when she is ready, she usually does. The 20 yo has went to see gma, he will make extremely short statements.
Am I still trying to make a marriage where there is no marriage? His attempts are few and far between, he leaves many open holes for imagination to take over and refuses to acknowledge or discuss it, so I am left with my feelings with his "best friend", me.
He keeps a deficit in the love bank. More withdrawals than deposits, including the $40/ month..
How long will I feel this way? I was hurt and embarrassed for a long time, then I was ok with it, I talked to all of my family and her- I hadn't really talked to any of them in a while- so I went to make ammends... She called here AGAIN and I answered the phone, finally... The "openess" of it all happened in Jan and Feb..., and I really thought the last hurdle would be his mother- but, dog, how much more can we both take???? I am so tired!
Any suggestions?? comments??? guidance???? I pray all the time and I read the Bible all the time, but when these things happen, my emotions take over and I react before I can stop it.
Please, anyone?
