I thought this morning when he left for work he would be back tonight. I really really thought it. But then at 1.03pm I get a text that says 'im going to ruths tonight, will be back thurs night so I can take u to the airport on Fri morning, have booked car in for a service - blah blah blah'

Just like that.

I wrote back and said ' you can't even put an 'im sorry' or a 'im not ready yet' in the messages now.

He wrote back 2 hrs later and said 'Im sorry juz, having another stress head day still at ____ and should be at ___ by now'

I wrote back and said ' you can come back here and vege, teh kids will be asleep, I will go down to my mums and leave you in peace.'

But I think he knows I wouldn't leave him in peace. This morning I couldn't. This morning I keep confronting him about 'how he was feeling, was he ready, why etc etc' I even tried to have sex with him.

All the time I was thinking 'you shouldn't be doing this'

And sure enough> I see this post tonight 'Okay, here's what I'm seeing. TOO MUCH relationship talk when he's over at your house. It's too much pressure on a Wayward Spouse, they don't want to deal with it.

And that's exactly what Ive done.

It's 6.10pm. He should be nearly home. Instead he is on his way to her house. Then he just msgs me about how he passed a mutual friend in the car. LIke - WHAT THE! Why tell me that. Why try to act like it is normal to go to her place and he can tell me that.

I miss him so much. I have to feed the kids and I dont know what to feed them.

I have to go out to teach dancing in 45mins and I dont want to.

I just wanna curl up in a ball and be comforted by my beautiful husband

Who are you letting into your house and who are you trying to keep in your home? The WS or your H?

Why would you want a WS anywhere's near yourself, home or family?

L.

My husband. But isn't he the wayward spouse?

Sorry, perhaps Im am confused with the acronyms. I am only new and Im very confused and upset at the moment.

There is a tendency on this forum to treat H and WH as two separate people - like multiple personalities. Some even call it alien abduction.

If WH is in an A, for whatever reason he is mentally trying or already has gotten out of the M. So you being needy is repulsive (in the magnetic sense) to him and pushes him away. He is trying to get free and you are grabbing hold. You cannot make him love you. All you can do is try to bust up the A and try to be someone that he wants to be married to.

Have you read these links yet? They are an intro into the MB forum.

General MB Welcome

MB acronyms

Wat's guide for BS'

Read these 1st. Then are posts will be easier to understand.

take care,
L.

Juzzie..

since you are here at marriage builders..your best line of defense is to really educate yourself about this site...
so that you can get a plan established to feel more in control and less like a victim of emotions....

I implore you to do this...

first off you need to be strong enough to set clear boundaries about your husband having the 25 year old at YOUR childrens soccer game...
you must make it clear that SHE is NOT welcome there...

but you must do this without hysterics and without emotions....

next you must look at and plan out your exposure path...
who are your friends who are going to be strong enough to logically speak their mind about your husbands messing with a 25 yr old while he has THREE children...and she is a foul foul 25 year old...which actually works in your favor..

her words to you at the game..
were childish
cold
and will bite her in the aZZ....

you need to get a grip on the thought that life and children make our worlds to busy to have a meaningful connective relationships with our spouses...we do this ourselves...
there is NO reason for losing our spouses in the shuffle of life and kids....it must be maintained nurtured and worked at...and the biggest priority there is...

lets talk about your exposure plan

STOP ALL RELATIONSHIP TALK

you should also consider seeking legal counsel and securing finances as a protection...
you have to let him know you are doing this...but I would be finding out my legal rights to blocking exposure of my children to her..

also have you told your husband that she is NOT welcome at your childrens venueues...

have you read up on plan A and plan b..

your husband is expecting you to be emotional and upset and expecting you to be that way...he is retreating and avoiding....

time to change and control you...
and get his attention back on YOU..

ARK

Hey Juzzie,

Howa been? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

One of the best pieces of advice that I have read on this forum was 'BS be still'.

I had the tendancy after reading insightful posts or good books to try to implement everything that I thought could help. I wanted to know how he felt and what he thought, and guess how much that helped? Zilch of course. Some of what you had to say reminded me of me!

I am sorry that I cannot give you the thread to the Be Still piece but I am sure that some of the old hands could do it in a snap.

Good luck

Georgina