I'm curious that you state that my lack of feeling was my own choice. I've never found that I was able to control my own romantic affection like that, it has always seemed that either I felt it or I didn't and there was nothing I could do to change that. Granted, I have gotten over romantic feelings in the past by removing myself from a situation and letting it fade over time, but I could never will myself to feel romantic love or not feel it. Are other people able to do this, and if so, how?

I made love a choice. I chose to act lovingly from my belief...love is a belief...you choose it by believing you love someone. Emotions are information from our beliefs.

When I act lovingly towards my loved one, without expectation of return...tit for tat...give to get...My own choices reward me with loving feelings.

When resentment gets in my way, and I know I create that when I slip and focus on what I'm not getting rather than what I'm not giving...then it will block my loving feelings, as well as the not doing, owning my choice, to love.

I stopped determining my life by my feelings...to me, that was like using information from me to inform myself about my information about others...a convoluted way of thinking.

We choose our beliefs, so in essence, we choose our emotions. Our thoughts trigger beliefs, so I choose those more wisely now.

Our brains will hand us emotions as information about a current situation, yet may be coming from years of similar situations, to way back...because our beliefs go back to ages two and three years old. I don't trust emotions to guide my life...I trace them back to the belief they are coming from, find out if I chose it, or if I accumulated it along the way.

Conflicting emotions come from conflicting beliefs.

We choose our perspectives, beliefs and thoughts...when we become aware they are our own...and by result, our emotions. We choose even when we don't consciously choose.

Not choosing to live from our beliefs doesn't change that we do...even when we are choosing to live by our emotions, the results of our beliefs...not knowing where those emotions come from.

LA

I wish that I had the same control over my affections that you seem to have acheived. It would have saved me several errors over the years.

Hey, don't look back, look forward. You're worth it.

When we keep facing the same lessons, we need to change our premise. Do an internal inventory.

That's my belief. Humans are vastly complex and amazing. I know I am. I believe you are.

Why use feelings like fuel to live by? What's the point?

LA

Well, once again I thank you for all of your input. I guess what's done is done. I'm grieving it quite a bit right now and miss him, but so it goes. I'm sure that he either has already or could soon find someone that speaks on his wavelength so that they won't have the constant miscommunications that we do, and where he enjoys her sense of humor and they share some interests. I don't know what lies ahead for me, but hopefully it's something positive.

So, how long is it normal to feel crummy over the end of this relationship? I would think with the aggravation that he and I caused each other that I would feel some sense of relief that it's over, but instead I feel quite sad. Granted, it's only been about 3 days since he made it official, so I guess I haven't been grieving that long.

Grieving your loss...

Seemed to me when you first posted, you were grieving the loss of your own emotion...love...

First, define your loss...what are you grieving?

LA

I hadn't lost all emotion by any means, I had just lost a certain spark. There was an emotional attachment though that kept me going back to the relationship. I would miss him when we were apart for long. This attachment is intense enough to make me feel grief over losing the relationship.

I am asking you for specifics...which emotion, where does it come from, what have you lost that you are grieving...specifically.

A spark to me may be something else entirely to you. I am not attempting to arm wrestle you into divulging sensitive facts...just specific emotions. Were you attached from time shared together, being two in the grip of a lot of nay-sayers...where you connected with honesty and openness...were you adapted to his manner, his presence...was there a rhythm, needs met, that you began to miss when apart...or do you think in symbols?

Knowing the particulars of our grief, raising our awareness of it, I believe, helps determine how long and how well we grieve; and honors what we are grieving for.

Just my opinion.

LA

Thanks for giving me things to think about.