eight months and 1/2 later since admitting my PA to my H, and we've been grinding thru the motion of our so-called, "togetherness", to say the least. i guess, i'm not really sure how to characterize our relationship at this point. i mean, we have our moments when we are affectionate to one another, and that's usually our good days. and then theres times that even up to now, he's "unhappy". . .that he wants to seperate. . .so that we can find love in one another again. but i'm afraid -- more so for the kids. i don't know if i can cope w/o him being there physically. i can honestly attest that the road to recovery is a very long and bumpy one. i don't know if i still have it in me to fight for our marriage. i said i'll give it a year, and he concurred too, but when i think all is cool for now, it isn't for him. aside from that, i want to make amends with his parents that are in town. but i'm not really sure how i should approach the dad in particular. the mom and i had a very heartfelt convo when she was at our home a month prior, and it was a good one at that. she accepted my apology -- (it's customary in our culture) to sought forgiveness to the parents of the betrayed. (out of respect) but the dad is strong-willed personality and stubborn. not as subtle, but i know he's a reasonable man. my H tells me that his dad is still hurt and disappointed, especially with me. i just don't know an easy way to approach him and ease thru the convo w/o getting too emotional. fyi, i called him four months ago, and i managed to utter 'i'm so sorry' about 20 times as long as i had him on the phone, but he was rather short with me and hung up. i sense he was angry to even talk. (never felt so intimidated, especially coming from him) what can i do? right now, they're staying at a nearby hotel. i've asked my husband to be with me when i do talk to his dad, but he won't have no part in it. he tells me that i should be brave and jst go to the hotel and ask to speak with him. i so want to make things right, especially with them but i'm jst so much of a coward now. i don't do so well with confrontation. . .help?!

Discuss it with MIL, she may help youwith breaking the ice with FIL. This will also tell you where MIL stands and may get you some good points with her as well.

Good Luck!

Sorry but with that attitude you won't get much sympathy around here. You are the one that screwed up and destroyed your family, no excuses allowed. You threw your family out the door for your own selfishness. The attitude should be (and I think this is from Pep's H), "I'll do what ever it takes for as long as it takes." With your attitude, no wonder you guys aren't happily recovered. Your sense of entitlement is still there.

I commend your honesty...In the beginning, neither spouse is certain that staying together is the best thing...take it one day at a time and try to commit to doing the best that you can

thank you for all that responded to my plea. it means a lot and i appreciated it so much.

eagle15, i would approach MIL to help smooth my way into a chat with FIL, but getting to MIL w/o FIL's knowledge might set him off and i don't want to send the wrong message, at least not like that. plus, he's with her at all times [uh, they're staying "together" at a hotel], so finding MIL by herself is highly unlikely.

kloe72, i think you're absolutely right that my attitude needs some adjusting. but it just seem so discouraging that he would say things like that -- it makes me cry and cringe b/c i feel like i'm trying to do my absolute best here in repairing what's left of our marriage (and in my thinking that we're both on the same page) moving forward to a better recovery, and then he comes along with this, making me less hopeful that our marriage is really worth saving?! how much can one take?! i mean, he still hasn't forgiven me. . .

And he may not forgive you for a very long time. That is just a consequence of your actions This is an extremely difficult thing to forgive and takes time. My H and I are 16 months into recovery and I am not yet ready to completely forgive him, although I am closer then I was a year ago. I still have days where I look at him and wonder if I made a mistake in taking him back, those days are fewer and fewer but they are still there. I'll never understand how he could betray me so deeply or himself for that matter. I don't think a WS can ever fully comprehend the consequences of their actions. But read here and you will see the pain and devistation that BS's are going through and you'll get a clearer picture of what is going on in your H's head. Getting over a death is a lot less painful then this roller coaster, but it can be done. A lot of people here quote a 2 year time frame, so you can see you have a long way to go.

Japhelia, hang in there...it is difficult, but don't forget to focus upon your needs also in all of it

SFJAJ---Just wondering how you doing!!

Myrta

sfjaj- thanks for that, i sure do appreciate the feedback.

myrta, thank you for asking. I am struggling with withdrawal still, but my H and I are in MC. He is going through a very angry phase that I expected. But we are trying to institute date nights and every time I am tempted to break NC, I post here or call my H. You don't know how much I appreciate you asking

so guess what, i chickened out! when i came home from work, took a shower, got dressed but i couldn't make myself get out of the house to drive myself over to the hotel and ask to speak to my FIL. i found myself debating on how it would pan out -- thinking of all the worse scenarios that could possibly happen -- all of this happening in my head, as i was tuning into Law & Order on TNT. . .i guess i got the nerves so i waited for it to pass. before i knew it it was almost 6:30PM. had to make up an excuse for me not to leave due it being so late and i had an early morning the next day. . .in any case, i think they leave for hawaii today to go back to samoa, so i guess i missed my chance to reconcile with 'em.
gosh, this sucks! doesn't this get any easier. . .anyone else in here had a similar situation or story they'd like to share? pleeeeease. . .

That can be the problem with exposing to in-laws. Just do your best to focus on the healing of your M. The in-laws can come later. I will be thinking of you