My husband and I have been married for four years. We have a three year year old and I am four months pregnant. We have had a lot of problems in the past. I still love my husband but I don't know what else to do. He has left the home now. He says he does not LOVE me anymore. Their is another women involved. This is the second time he has said he does not love me and left for another women. I don't know what else to do. I have given my marraige to the LORD but my husband is not a follower so I don't know if it is going to help. I know ALL things are possible with the Lord. Please give me some advice as to what I can do to save my marraige and get him to come back home? Thank you for your time. God Bless.

Expose the affair, then enact Plan A.

Have you read the basic principles of MB?

Study, study, study before you make a decision or react.

What Are Plan A and Plan B?

Does he say why he doesn't love you? Does he give you reasons for leaving? Besides affairs with women, are there any other sexual issues, such as pornography, etc?

Hi Mend. Sorry about your situation, but glad to see you on GQII where there are many posters. Can you give more details about your marital history? How do you feel about him? How did you feel about him prior to the 2nd affair. What are the underlying issues in the M? God bless you, your children and your marriage.

He has just said he doens't know wha but he just has stopped loving me and he doesn't ever think he will be able to get that back.

Mendy...you're in the right place! See?

Hear your pain, anger, confusion. We've been there, felt that. Did you read all your posts? What about Froz's suggestion?

You've been through this before...what did you learn about A's, wayward spouses (WS)? About yourself? You took him back before...to rebuild a new marriage...what did you not do then that you could do now?

He's left the home...have you considered filing for legal separation to secure maintenance? Find out all your legal options?

What do you do about him visiting your 3-yr-old? Schedules? Calls? Do you know what Plan A is?

All these questions, to show you that you have choice, power--not because you're special, but because you're human.

You matter. You count. Plans help with confusion and pain.

LA

Agree and tell him you can't love him as he is right now either....then ask him why did he change? Watch his answer and expect babble. Then tell him that you don't appreciate him setting you and your family up for a fall. He will deny it but once it is said, any move he makes to that direction you can call him on the carpet for.

Then go and expose. Read up here on all the info. Surviving an affair (Harley) & Love must be tough (Dobson).

You are pregnant and with small children. He is a louse for leaving his family. You need support so expose.

Get into MC and let your OB know what is going on.

Take care of yourself.

L.

Well I will give you a little back ground on our marraige in the past. He and I were raised very differently. I had a rough child hood I have three different step dads. My mom had me when she was 14 and my sister when she was 13. He has parents that have been married for 30 yrs. His mom and dad have a relationship where she has never worked and he alsways says what goes. His dad will tell his mom to shut up no wants to hear her talk and she doesn't say anything on the other hand I will never be like that. I feel we are both equal and we both deserve the same amount of respect. Also his parents have always given him anything he ask for. Me on the other hand I have been on my own since I was 16 and I had to work for everything I have. His parents will stand by his side even when he's wrong. We also lost a baby at full term about a year and a half ago. The baby is burried in Lousianna. He did June 28. When we livd in Louisanna we had no money. He could he couldn't hold a job. He would always he mixed with the wrong people. So we moved to Florida to try to better our life,and our marriage. But I guess he never changed because he did the exact same thing here he got involved with another girl who just turned 18. It is his bosses daughter. So he has left me four months pregnant and with our three year old son. I still love him and want our marraige to work but he still insist that he does not love me and he said we will never reconcile. Please tell me what I can do to put my marraige back together? My husband and I have been married for four years. We have a three year year old and I am four months pregnant. We have had a lot of problems in the past. I still love my husband but I don't know what else to do. He has left the home now. He says he does not LOVE me anymore. Their is another women involved. This is the second time he has said he does not love me and left for another women. I don't know what else to do. I have given my marraige to the LORD but my husband is not a follower so I don't know if it is going to help. I know ALL things are possible with the Lord. Please give me some advice as to what I can do to save my marraige and get him to come back home? Thank you for your time. God Bless.

(((((MendMyMarriage)))))

Your husband is a serial adulterer. He does NOT have the Lord as His, so "you know who" is in control. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that he puts HIS wants, needs, and desires ahead of any thought of "sacrificial love" for you.

The "advice" you want may not be what you want to hear.

So for now, read up on Plan A and begin it for yourself. As open and callous as he appears to be with his affair, you will very likely have to proceed to Exposure of the Affair(very soon) and possibly to a Plan B in a few months.

"Obedience to God" will NOT be a factor, since, as you have stated, he is NOT a believer. But regardless of his position, YOU are a believer and God will make His peace and comfort available to you throughout these tough times of trial and tribulation for you.

God bless.

(((mendmymarriage)))

It sounds like you have had a lot of life changing events in a very short time. I am glad you have the faith to pull you through all this.

Just a few tips for posting.
Keep to one thread it makes it easier for us to follow so you don't have to repeat your story. Also post in short paragraphs.



The Lord has led you here. Listen and learn. This is a process...there is no magic sentence that you can say to your WH to make him wake up and do the right thing. The process here will make you stronger, be a better wife and a better mother. Plan A is the starting point. Have you read up on it yet?

Plan A is all about taking an honest look at yourself. Make improvements to make your home a peaceful and welcome haven.It sounds like your grew up in a very unstable environment...I would bet you want better for your childern...this is where you start.

You may not realize it...but the people who have already responded know what they are talking about. They have been here done this and moved on through the process. It is not easy. You may not hear what you want to hear..but hopefully you will listen to what you need to hear.

How old are you? How old is your WH (wayward husband)?

I read your other thread. And I wanted to respond to a few things I saw in this thread.

First let me say. You were asking for posters on the other thread. I believe you will get them. You may get varying opinions on how to handle your situation. I found it helpful to keep a binder and note the advice I chose to use (exercises and things that helped me, and journaling).


My suggestion:

1. You mentioned that your were in pain. What is your pain about? It feels so weird to say this, but where does it hurt? What is causing you emotinal sadness right now?
Your emotions can really run out of wack when trying to deal with Infidelity. Get help dealing with them. Dr Harley suggest being prescribed meds, but being that you are pregnant you may not be bale to so ask for exercises to help you cope. Read Dr Harley's Coping with Infidelity.

2.Try to focus on what you are dealing with personally. Is it feeling rejected, depressed, resentment? What is happening on the inside now.

I say this because often times you are dealing with the pain of what you are telling yourself about the situation, your beliefs and linking it directly to your H. You may assume that your H has left because of ______. Try not to assume. Try to find out what his personal issues are with your marriage. See your emotional problems, see the problems with your husband. Try to deal with them seperately.

Have a look for yourself at the questions above for yo to ponder. Read over Coping with an affair and Plan A or Plan B. Decide which one you would like to do.

3. I wasn't sure if you wanted WS to come back. Do you want to try to save your M? If so, read up on Plan A and Plan B. Decide which you'd like to do. Dr Harley recommends that it is better to try to have both parties in the home if their isn't the threat of violence. Howeover you WS has left again as he did before. It may be best that he stay gone until he decides to commit to the M if you want him to come back. then you may want to go directly into Plan B.

If you decide on going into Plan A, this bit of information may be helpful:


You will want to expose the A to your H's boss. He may not take too kindly to knowing that his employee is taking to his daughter being that he is married and his wife is expecting.

MendMyMarriage I'm hoping you will share where your pain is right now. But I ask you to try not to feel dumped on about WS's acting as he is. And especially with your being pregnant and probably experiencing a lot of emotions. It has helped to me to reflect time and time again that my WS's decision to have an affair doesn't make me a bad person or a person not having value or a person who is unworthy. A person that is worthless. His decision to act this way doesn't magiaclly turn you into a nothing. You are worthy, a person of value, of God's creation and image, wonderfully made. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

One more thing. I can hear your concern for your H to come back in this quote:

This answered my question above about your wanting to save the M. I can hear the anxiousness to want to have WS come back. We all have concerns about wanting our M to be as they were or much better than they were. However with reading the material on MBs and working in the whole process things don't soemtimes happen as we would like or as quickly as we would like.

Many times BSs have to examine the M and themselves and what may need to change in order to get their M on track. So a lot of what will help you on MB is getting to the heart of what you may need to work on to help yourself and your M. MB will help you work on areas in your life where you may need correcting and improving whether or when WS comes back. So try to be patient with yourself and the process.

is there drinking and drugs involved on his part...

what are the ages of him, you and the OW>...

how long have you been in florida...do you have friends/a support group....

is he paying the bills
where is he staying

what are the marital problems you allude to
ark

MMM,
How are you?