thanks...

LA,

Yes Im the WW... I dont know if my H doesnt love me enough or is a culture subject... (macho), but he doesnt alow me even to touch his hand!!!!

It can be several months before he accepts physical contact with me.. (he said Im the worst woman in the planet!!)

He blaime me for all that he is doing right now ,as a consecuence of my A...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Dont give up LA!!!

Thought I'd jump in to the mess I started!
I appreciate everyone's comments, so keep them coming.
Talked with my mom this morning, and she is doing normal for having a nuclear bomb dropped on her. She doesn't know what she will do with her WH, the OM, my step-father. I have given her freedom to make her own choice, but affirmed my choice to stay committed to my wife, even to the end if that is coming.
I firmly believe that if we can just move away, we will have the chance to really work on our M, because the OM will not be able to meet her EN anymore, and I (still as yet) am quite willing to do so. The hard part for me is will she really move away, or will she change her mind yet again. I won't take much more of the fence-walking. Either Plan B or divorce both sounded like good choices for me last night, but I am steadily holding my course, though all the winds of ****** blow against me right now. With each day I gain in strength, though hope is a little thin still. I really believe that our M can be saved, can improve so much that we will both be very happy together. I don't want to "go back" to how things were, because that just brought us here, and would again. Much to change, much already begun in me. I will lead; it is her choice to join me or not. If she does, then she also will have to change much and grow, so that we can be all that our M has the potential for. I do have hope. I am not naive or unrealistic about the chances, or about how much work it will take. But it would be worth it, to win and not to fail (we have already failed, but the race is not over yet!).
More tonight. I will update my main post under Just Found Out with whatever transpires today. Hopefully good and not more evil, we shall see.

woundedheart, if your M is what you want, continue to let her know but you may need to grant her some space until she agrees to NC. As a matter of fact, you have every right to expect NC. But ultimately, she has to make the NC decision and, letting her know your desires without crowding her is best

Thank you for the update, 1woundedheart... I'm so sorry you're ALL having to go through this... what a horrifyingly difficult situation...


SPACE? That's the LAST thing she needs...

She's been with the OM 3 times since DDay! What do you think giving her space will accomplish?

woundedheart, if you crowd her in, she will flee even more. I know, she is much like me

You cannot force a WS to remain with you

She needs "space" in the sense of me not pressuring her, but not in that I will enable her to be with him. She has enough opportunities when I am at work during the day, when most of their liasons have happened. But I tried to give her space, believing (maybe for the last time for a while) that she actually wanted to begin working on our M and ending the affair. But she abused the gift I gave her, and I will not enable her again in as much as I can help it. She wants me to ask every night if she has seen him, talked with him, or been physical in any way. I will ask her, but I don't know how to trust what she says, especially if she says "no contact this day" or tries to encourage me with more lies. I am trying to just love her, but she has done such terrible things to all of us, and is continuing to this day. Her justifications of her adultery are completely insensitive and unloving of all around her, including the OM. Each of them is actively destroying every life in this family, including their own. Yet they seem to enjoy this, and have no real thought of ending it. They don't want to do anything difficult, anything to mess with this "happiness" they have built at the expense of everyone else, including 3 innocent kids. Even stopping today, and having NC for the rest of their lives, they have already caused so much disruption and destruction. But if they continue, there will be so much more. They know this, but it doesn't seem to matter at all. Their family doesn't really matter to them, only their own selfish desires. We are all selfish in many ways, we all sin. But some sins cause more damage than others. So I don't really know what more to do at this point. I'm almost afraid if I go to Plan B, that I will not want to come back, even if she came around someday. I cannot hold open the door forever; it is getting quite cold inside my house already. I hope this nightmare ends soon, and I hope it ends with a new start to our M. Time will tell.