Does anyone have any experience with using a mediator during Plan B? My W and I can get along ok but it hurts me to see her.(she has filed for divorce and is with om).I would like all communication and child exchange to be through a mediator (mutual friend or family member?) so I don't have to see her or hear her voice. I know this sounds childish but I feel its the only way to protect myself and move on with my life. Any insight would be appreciated.

Christian, sooner or later you will have to talk with her, maybe it's time to face it. I know it hurts but maybe if you thought about the good of the children and realized that there has to be some type of communication set up between the two of you for their good and even if it hurts we do things we need to for the kids. Either way, I hope all goes well with you. God Bless<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

I hope more of the "veterans" would reply to this. I most likely will be in the same position in a months to come.<P>Right now I am just starting a full fledged Plan A, but it seems inevitable that I will have to go into Plan B. My wife and OM (living in next state) are in a huge fantasy world. When I do start Plan B... I think I would also consider a third party to handle the visitations. I have the kids.<P>Chick's... how can you EVER do a Plan B if you have kids... and visitation is needed to not punish the kids? Kids should still love thier mom!<P>Looking for more insight from those who have been there before.<P>Jim

Thanks NSR & chick,<BR>I'm not saying I will have to do this forever, and I do not want it to have an adverse affect on children. I only want to protect my heart and show a tough love attitude until the affair dies. My w kept me hanging on for a year and I'm tired of being hurt. It's my way of saying, "Welcome to the real world and let's see if the om can meet all her needs". She has never maintained a friendship for very long so I don't forsee this one lasting. Of course I could be wrong. In the past when I would go a week or so without any contact she would call to check on me. I would get my hopes up and then she would take off into fantasy land. All I know is that when I don't see her or talk to her I feel better. Others feel free to respond if you have any insight.<BR>Bye!

Christian & NSR - <P>I'm in a similar situation. W left in June, living with OM, filed for divorce 1 month ago. Other REALLY bizzare stuff sprinkeled liberally in between...<P>Definitely go to Plan B. If she's living with OM, it makes it a bit easier to implement (don't have to decide who is leaving). Write her a letter...I suggest modelling it after the letter in Surviving an Affair. In my letter i requested that my W NOT see me or talke to me because it hurt too much. She has pretty much blown those requests off...for the first 2 months she would just come over whenever she felt like it and SERIOUSLY disrupt what little was left of my well being. I finally had to resort to installing different locks on my house.<P>We don't have any kids so we don't have to do the intermediary (mediator) stuff. However, I strongly urge you to do so. Find a "neutral" friend or neighbor who can be the pivot person during children exchanges.<P>Let us know how it works out. I'll pray for you.

I feel good for today! Although I have not sent a Plan B letter I have initiated this plan in my actions. I plan on sending w a letter this week.I know this will be hard but I am purposing in my life to commit to it 100%(no communication)I feel more in control. I will no longer be watching, waiting,wondering, weeping or wishing for her to come to her senses. She made her decision. I had been Plan Aing for a long time. Long enough for her to see a change. She is living in willful disobedience to God's law and man's law and will suffer the consequences accordingly. I still love her and will continue to pray for her but I will no longer look for her return. I will continue to seek the Lord and His plan for my life. I will also continue to be the best Dad to my daughter that I can be. I thank everyone here for their prayers and support. I will try and keep you up to date on how things go. I am expecting the divorce papers any day now.<BR>Bye for now!