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well,
i'm starting all the legal ends of a seperation even though the state in which we live in doesn't have legal seperation


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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well i've gone a day and 1/2 w/ out me calling her but she also hasn't called me either. and i feel good that i've finally maned up and not called her.

i only have to answer my one question now, for myself and that is if i want her back, i've gone threw so much the past month and 1/2, that now im used to her not being here
due to her being in and out due to her jobs.

also i've been such an emotional reck, something that i never been on due to a girl. and i gotta tell ya, i dont like that person i was the past month. im usely the cheerful guy whos always making people laugh and the one people come to when they're having problems.

its funny how my feelings have changed in the past 4 days i though my life was over and all that but now after saturday's feastivities "bachlor party" i realized that im not dead and i can go on.

is it bad that now i dont want to work on the marriage or do you guys think im just on a "roller coaster high". of course i know only i can answer that question.

all i truly know is that when i read this post in 3 or 4 months its going to be fun to see what changes and stride i've made. hopefully they will have been the rigth one's.

anywho, thanks to all for the words and advise and i hope you guys continue to help me w/ this new transition in my life.

i'm going to go ahead w/ my MC on my own being that she doesn't want anything to do w/ it. i however want to get someone elses opinion about what makes me tick.
made.

i've also this weekend went to confession for the 1st time in 15yrs. and asked god to help me w/ this so i feel good about that.

i also am going to atend that wedding of my friends that i wasn't going to go to cause she's the photographer but why not go and miss a good friends wedding.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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hey bro...i have been reading a book on "leadership" by vince lombardi, a section on dealing with adversity hit home with me, i realize we are in two different stages, but i found it to be pretty powerful and thought i would share it with you....maybe it'll have some affect on you or put things in some sort of perspective...(its kinda long, but i have some down time at work, here goes)

""Dealing with hardship may seem like an "odd technique" for self discovery: We rarely go out in search for hardship, pain, trauma or heartbreak. However, they often come in search of us, and when they do,they can provide invaluable learning experiences. In the presence of boundless, UNBEARABLE PAIN-the loss of a loved one, ones health, or family-we experience a sense of powerlessness and recognize that there are things we simply cant control, that we become open to profound learning. In the face of great pain, when perhaps for the first time in our lives we are forced to admit we dont have all the "answers", we can begin to ask the right "questions". PAIN (of any type) is a powerful centering force. It pushes us where GOOD TIMES ALMOST NEVER LEAD. As we suffer, we grow wiser.""

""Adversity is the first path to truth. Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is greater""

""To become a deeper man, is the privilege of those who have suffered""

and one last quote....

""When we place our dependence in God, we are unemcumbered, and we have no worry. In fact, we may even be reckless, insofar as our part in life is concerned. This confidence, this sureness of action, is both contagious and an aid to perfect action. The rest is in the hands of God-and this same God, who has won all His battles up to now""
(Vince Lombardi)

i take alot away from this type of inspiration....thought i would pass it along...

hang tough...it does get easier!

kevin


"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?" (Chris Rock) "Its better to die standing, than live a lifetime on your knees" (Pancho Villa) "We just wanna be free to ride our machines and not get hassled by the Man!" (Easy Rider)
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thanks, sturgis


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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i've seem to have shut down or something cause the past 3 or 4 days i haven't been feeling bad i don't know if there is such a thing as a 4 day high on this E rollercoaster.

im wondering whats going on w/ my Emotions i seen W first time this morning in a week and i only felt alittle jittery
but not that "love feeling".

can anyone shed any light w/ these new emotions or thoughts
of what they think it maybe.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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Hey Saenz,
Just got the chance to read through your posts. Couldn't sleep, so here I am on MB again.

First, so sorry for what you're going through. This love thing is just so hard, isn't it??

As you know, I'm really in no position to give advice. I do want to let you know that I get the same emotions you do about one day really missing my H and then other days saying to myself, "This isn't so hard. I can get through this w/out him." Sometimes I feel love for him and sometimes I just want to move forward, divorce him and put this whole thing behind me.

I think you and I both need to just take A LOT of time to figure out what it is we want. I have a feeling we will know when the time is right.

I will pray for you, and whatever becomes of our situations, we will make it through this. Remember that. That is what I keep telling myself.

-CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
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cheated on:
thanks for those words and sorry that you didnt get any sleep, i tend to play w/ my 2 boys before we go to bed inorder to get all of us to sleep.

i am moving on though w/ out her i know its going to hard but i just can't forgive nor forget whats shes done.

im going to see a C here in the next couple of days to help me get past this whole mess.

and this love thing is hard but sometimes love isn't enough. her love 4 me wasn't enough to keep her home and stop her from doing what shes did. yet my love 4 her stop me from even thinking of doing what she did. so now im forced to ask myself is she worth my love..........


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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Seeing a C will do you good. I went to my pastor last night and he gave me a lot of insight. It is amazing how someone that deals w/this stuff all the time can see things so differently than the person who is in it.

I just want to let you know, I know you say you have moved on, and good for you. That is great. I realize it is b/c of her not wanting to come back, but about the part that you wrote "to ask myself is she worth the love" I think the answer to that is yes. And I am only saying that to what I have seen you post so far. I can tell you really want to do everything possible to make it work. That shows me just how much you do love her. That I believe is where you and I differ. I admire you for your willingness to take her back whenever she is ready. I, on the other hand, will take my H back IF and WHEN I am ready. But I really admire you for that. That is the hardest thing for you to do and the only way to explain it is you LOVE her w/all of your heart.

You keep staying strong and doing what you feel is right in your heart. We'll both be here to pull eachother along and so will a lot of other people.

--CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
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cheated on
how goes it today, glad to see you went to see your pastor
people fromthe outside looking in tend to have a differ view which very well need.

i went to go see an attorney today to see what has to be done and of course how much $$$. Inorder to start the D proceedure. felt good to hear i have a good chance to get full custody of my kids if i wanted to but i dont want to keep them from her either shes a good mother (just a real busy mom who's been putting work before family) but she says it for the kids.

so here i go into the next phase of my life whish me luck


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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saenz,
This must be so hard on you. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you find what you deserve in life!

Some advice...I work at a courthouse and sit in custody battles/divorce battles all the time. The more you fight, the worse it is. Whatever it takes, try to come to an agreement on as much as possible. The only people who will end up winning will be the attorneys. The kids don't need to be drug through all of that nonsense but I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders. You're right on about the custody.

God bless, keep us posted.

--CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 224
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wow, you work there thats funy my W works for the sheriff's
shes in and out of the court house all the time just thougt it was eeerrry how simular our families are.

i hope not to make it ugly and i don't belive it will be we want what's best for our kids and in florida we can both have equal custody of them.

how are things w/ you today, have you spoken to your H. does he call the kids @ night. my W calls every night.
however her oher 2 kids have never tried to call me in the past week even though i called them at there dad house and of course they didn't get the message how c-o-n-venient.

are your kids aware who whats going on and at least your in-laws are talking to him. mine on the other hand are turning a blind eye to all of it. im fighting a battle w/ no help.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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I work as a court stenographer. I take down what everybody says. I am in Pennsylvania though. That is weird how similar that is.

I haven't talked to my H in two days. He called my brother yesterday and I was with my brother at the time because he was watching the girls and I was picking them up. He talked to them at that time and said hi. He also told my 8 year old that he was in the hospital. I wasn't telling her b/c I didn't want her to worry, but then stupid him goes and tells her. He only gets so many phone calls a day. I think that's why he didn't call every night.

His caseworker just called me and said he is getting out today around 2:00. That means I'll be getting a phone call to see the kids. I'm hoping he can just go over to my SIL's where they are at and pick them up there. That way I don't have to see him. I think the least amount of time I see him, the better. I just want total space right now. I am just so disgusted w/everything and thinking of them together for a whole weekend just to have sex...yuck, yuck, yuck! And then I had to find out for myself b/c he didn't have enough balls to tell me.

That's too bad about your in-laws not helping out. Don't they want to at least get involved since they are the grandparents of your kids? They have an interest in the whole M too. That is what my mother told me when I asked her opinion. How are your parents and/or siblings? Are they there for you right now? I don't know what I would do w/out my family!

--CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 224
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thats cool thats he's getting out 2-day, i think the less i see the W the better off i am. people say that absences makes the heart fonder i tink its oppisite 4 me.

i have my sister,dad, and brother around. my brother has been there for me the most its funny cause he's the eldest of us all and not a very emotional guy but he has had a lot of good thoughts and advise. he just went threw almosst the same thing his W wanted to leave him cuase she was tierd of him,and their wasn't an A on any side but she was ready to leave him. yet he came to me w/ his problems and i told him to just leave her alone & give her space.

something i couldn't due to my W instead i pushed her away by calling,talking,asking and questioning. and now i am in the place that im in. funny huh its like my momma used to say "even a doctor can't heal himself"

i wish i still had my mother around i would love to have her advise right about now but of course she may of told me to leave her because of what my fater put her threw.

my mother was my rock and of course my wife came into my life 1 month before she passed. and shure as crap the OM's
mother happened to pass a couple of weeks before he and my WW did what they did.

i asked her if that was a turn on of hers to hook up w/ guys who's mothers had just passed. i know i was wrong 4 it but it felt good to say.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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hey bro....

i hate to keep sounding like a broken record but....just keep doing whatever it is that making YOU feel better...

you will NOT be able to stop thinking about her, but the pain will lessen as each day passes....DONT even try forgiveing or forgetting...its too early for that...just live one day at a time...

you will have sucesses and failures....thats ok....you will end up talking to her and say something that leads off in a direction that you didnt intened....which will lead to a fight....which will lead to more depression and self loathing and pity.....then you will gather your wits, pick yourself up and START all over again.....its that vicious circle thing...

keep your faith in God, keep your faith in yourself that you have the strength and courage for the LONG haul...

also.....

FORGET ABOUT THE "FEEL GOOD" MOMENTS....sure saying crap like you did about the dudes mon..."felt good"..but i would bet a 100 bucks you REGRET it now!!!

the little jabs you take, always backfire in the long run...what you did was PUSH her to this guy who "makes her feel good" about herself....

trust me bro....she may not have remorse or regret yet, but unless she a psycopath...she WILL have guilt...by putting a GUILT trip on her, she will just RUN for the hills away from you into the "Mr. Feelgood"....does that make sense...

if you REALLY want to make her FEEL bad, BE NICE, BE CHEERFUL, BE HAPPY!!!! a woman will ALWAYS regret leaving a happy, funny, good natured, fun to be around, CONFIDENT guy....think about this...OK!

im takin my kids down to CABO today for the rest of spring break so ill talk to ya in a few days.....

Hang in there....and TAKE CARE of yourself!!!


"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?" (Chris Rock) "Its better to die standing, than live a lifetime on your knees" (Pancho Villa) "We just wanna be free to ride our machines and not get hassled by the Man!" (Easy Rider)
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Hey Saenz,

We have a lot in common in regards to our WWs. I still need that site on spyware and also wanted to talk privately about our situations. wpine@bellsouth.net or thezman42@yahoo.com

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hulk:
sent to your bellsouth


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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That's good that you have your family to support you. Some people have nobody or are in another state than their family and are all alone.

Quote
i asked her if that was a turn on of hers to hook up w/ guys who's mothers had just passed. i know i was wrong 4 it but it felt good to say.

I do this stuff all the time. It does feel good to get it out even though we know it's wrong.

I had a really bad breakdown today. I am thinking the same as you. I am thinking I want a divorce. Why am I prolonging the inevitable? I don't think I will ever go back to my H. I can't believe he cheated on me and then planned another weekend to do it again. I, personally, cannot get over that. I know a lot of people on here have, but I know I NEVER will. The only thing is keeping my family together. That is the only thing I am scared of losing, is our family.

I just don't understand how my H could do this to me. He had everything to lose and I have a little. He works part-time, makes about 1/3 of what I make. I have been supporting him for the past 4 years. I did everything around the house. He never helped me with anything except take the trash out. I planned all of these vacations for him and had a huge 30th b-day party for him last year. And this is what I get in return?? Not only did he decide to cheat on me twice, I told him after I found out he was lying the first time if I catch him in another lie (which if there is one, I will catch him) that I will divorce him. I asked him if there was anything else he had to get out. He said no. So not only do I have the cheating, but he is still lying and who knows what else there is. I am at the point where it doesn't even matter anymore. He will never tell me the truth on anything. What is the point??

Sorry to go off. I am just really angry. This was just such a slap in the face to me. I did soooo much for my H and never got anything in return but an A <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

--CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 224
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its ok i think we need to go off every now & then. now im loking for a new car the wife is giving me back the new titan i just bought 2 months ago and the payments are out the roof so im planning on trading in my 2 trucks for a small 4 door truck or a family luxuary car, its tiem to get me something nice 4 once im looking at a lexus is300.

anywho i spoke w/ her 4 the 1st time this afternoon when she drop mi boys off she was pissed to find out i went to a lawyer and that i want her to sign a marriage settlement agreement. she says shes doesnt want to go to child support she went threw to much w/ her 1st husband and doesnt want to go threw it w/ me.

i told her when she moves out i would help her. w/ the heavy stuff.

i cant wait till this summer when i go on my vacation just dont know where to go. my father wants me to come visit him in mexico since he's never seen my two boys in person. but i dont know if i want to go that far i might just go and stay on the beach for a week. st augustine.

for now i wll settle for watching survivor,csi and recording my name is earl thank god for DVR 2 nite.

well, good luck w/ your decision and just know it maybe hard now but it will get better. "that which doesn't kill us will only make us stronger."

you will always have the board here for ya.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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Hey saenz,
I'm not doing too well. I was finally sleeping for once and H called at 12:00. He called to say sorry and he loves me. I told him I'd put it on the list and decide if it was fact or fiction (b/c that was e-mail address for OW). Then he hung up and I called him back and said, "So when I called you that night to tell you I missed you, she was laying right next to you, huh?" He said, "Listen, stop with the questions. When you called, I got off the bed and went into the bathroom." So I am just fuming again. I didn't even want to talk to him and this is why. Then he hung up on me and I called him back and said, "How could you do this to me??" He said, "Listen, I shouldn't even be talking to you right now I shouldn't be in this kind of situation." I said, "F U" and hung up. As if it's ok for what he's putting me through but god forbid I put him through anything. Know what I mean??

So now here I am not being able to sleep again. Then I came to the computer and text messaged him three texts about stupid lies he told and then told him not to contact me anymore. I just want to move forward. After talking w/him again I just realize I want NOTHING to do w/him. I just want to move forward.

I was actually sleeping for once and now I'm back to this state. I am going to try to get back to bed soon.

I just called him again and told him not to call me anymore unless it has to do with the kids. He said, "I thought you wanted me to get better." I said, "I do. But that doesn't mean you have to contact me." Then he said "ok." So I call him back and say, "You know, I just want you to remember, I am going through all of this too, not just you. I need to get healthy too. You just don't get it." He said, "I know." So then I just said, "Ok, then do me a favor and leave me be." He said "OK, and that was that. It makes me feel better to at least have gotten that little bit out. Now I don't want to talk w/him anymore. Wish me luck.

--CO


BS (me) 30
Ex-FWH (iamsosorry) 32
Married 1997
DD, 10; DD, 6
A - PA 10/8/05 - 11/23/05?? - will never know the whole truth!!
ILYBNILWY speech - 11/10/05 - the day before my Birthday.....Happy Birthday to me!
D-Day - 11/23/05 - Happy Thanksgiving to me!
D-Day 2 - 4/10/06 - Happy Easter to me! (First time I found out it wasn't a ONS as he's been telling us all)
Divorced - finalized 7/07
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 224
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cheated:
well guess i wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep here i am up at 4am. thinking about how stupid i was also in talking to her for so long. and now im up cause im going crazy cause i know while shes was gone last weekend she was w/ her ex-husband. the person who she hates more than anything in this world aaahhh!!!

i was doing so good now i have to find my center again.

amybe you should leave him alone 4 alittle while amybe thats what you need just to clear your own mind.

well gotta get ready for work, see ya in the morning.


merrily, merrily, merrily, life is.....
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