saenz,

Sorry to hear yout couldn't sleep either. How did you find out she was with her XH?

I know how you feel about finding your center again. It seems you and I are going through the same feelings right now. I went from Monday going to ask my H to move back in and work on our M to fiding out this new info. Just when you think you have something under control, something goes wrong.

I have made my final decision to just Divorce and move on. There is no way I can trust him and there is no way I can get along w/him either. It will never work. I know a lot of people say I am too emotional now to go through w/the divorce, but I have been going through this for 5 months now and I know my limitations by now. I will never get along w/him. It was bad enough he cheated, but then to contiune to lie was the icing on the cake.

I called my attorney today but he's not in, it being Good Friday and all. I will try to get ahold of him next week although I have a trial which will consume all my time next week. I hope to get in there ASAP.

Hope you have a good day at work. My friend is flying in from Oklahoma to be w/me for the weekend. What a friend, huh?? She is leaving behind her husband and four kids too. I don't know what I'd do w/out her. She flew up on D-day for Thanksgiving too. My holidays are just the worst:( Thank god for her.

-CO

GOOD to hear your friend is coming to see ya! whata pal whata pal, pal o pal.

i think we both know what needs to be done even though they are the hardest things to but like i said earlier just make us stronger.

i just knew she was over there since she took their kids to see him and she was working 1 hr from there that weekend. she didn't want to give me her room # at the hotel so i call the hotel she said she was staying at to ask for her room and they didnt have her as a guest.along w/ some other
things.

on a good note im goning to look at a new car today
also going to take the boys to watch that new cartoon movie.beyond that i will just be sitting around the house.

dang i gotta get a life again maybe theres a manual on how to. or maybe one the of those for "dummies" books

what kind of plans do you have for this weekend w/ your friend? you taking the kids to church 4 easter?

Yes, I agree.....we both feel we know what needs to be done even though it is the hardest thing to do.

I hope you find a nice car. I remember you saying you were going to look at a lexus...nice! Good luck. Have fun at the movie too.

I know what you mean about getting a life again too. It is going to be so different! How old are you? I have my bros to help me out on dating advice, etc., etc. My one brother is still single and he's a year older than me. He is actually going to be moving in w/me so I can keep my house. I really don't want to get rid of my house. I have put so much money into it. We put in an inground pool last year. I hope my H doesn't try to fight me too much for it either. He has already put me through enough. I don't see him getting much out of this at all. He is going to be so screwed!!! I have always been the provider. He will be living in a small row home w/his parents. I hope he's happy now since that is what he wanted in the first place, to be happy.

My friend and I will probably just talk a lot, eat out and relax. We are going to church and H will be there so that should be real interesting. At this point, I don't think he will be getting the kids at all for Easter. We'll see. What are your plans?

--CO

Well as things go you probley will get the house and thats cool of your brother to move in to help. i will be 32 next month.

as far as dating i dont think i'll do that till i get me in check first. i did however meet a pretty cool girl last weekend at my freinds bachlor party at the hard rock casino.
made me feel like there is still hope for an ol' dog like myself. but im not planning on dating anytime soon. i wanna do a couple of things by myself 1st.

i've never lived on my own ever. so im embracing that. i also want to do alot of traveling before i even think of looking for a date or anything like that.

not to mention i've missed out on alot of out of state function w/ my company cause of the family. now i will be able to go represent my company in all the computions and the conventions we go to. yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Well, it's good you're still young too. At least we both have that going for us.

I am having a tough time grasping the fact that all of my friends are just getting married and I will be getting a divorce.

I am so scared of my future. I hate being in this position. I hope it gets better soon.

Will write more tomorrow when I have more time.

--CO

cheated
that makes 2 of us scared of our future also don't feel so bad my last single friend is getting married next weekend.

i was feeling a little down today so i went and took the boys to the park then to the ice cream shop. it was fun.
got my mind straight.

spoke to my W yesterday here @ my house before she went to work told her that i too didn't want to be in the marriage the last couple of months but yet i didn't go off and have an A. told her that i still wanted the divorce but that i didn't want to become like every other divorced couple and hate one another and she agreed we agreed that we should of never gotten married because we wheren't good married which she agreed too also.

i told her what ever and when ever she needed anything she could call and if i could help her i would. ti was the 1st time since D-day that we spoke like adults. which was cool
but as i pointed out to her we never spoke like that to each other since we been married.

then i did a big oops and told her i never really wanted to get married in the 1st place it was just everyone was telling me that we should cause of the baby. mental note:
never blurt things out. stupid stupid!! but it was all ok

i feel alittle better now that i've typed my feelings down
and know that the board is here to read and give advise.

its good to see we both agree that our marriage is over kinda sucks cause we've been w/ each other 4 so long but if you really think about whats 6 yrs in our life time. just a blink.

and why do we have to subscribe to everyone else philosophy
that we need to find 1 person and that person is the 1 for the rest of our lives. how do we really know maybe its just that 1 person for that perticular time frame and then the next person for the next stage of our life then again i could just be jaded. who knows.

and of course its going to be hard for us to find someone new but we will it'll be harded than before and thats becouse before we where in school, collage, sports and so forth.so now we just have to start looking again just in the right spot. some people belive that if you don't look 4 it it'll find ya.

like for ex. when i knew of my wife in high school she was best friends w/ my best friends girlfriend/wife. 4 yrs out of high school they got married i was his best man she was the maid of honor. and yet we still didn't speak to ea. other. not until 6 yrs ago when we ran into ea. other at mutal friends party that we for the first time we spoke to ea. other. go figure.

so in short yes i do believe that we will all find someone else our spouse just happened to find them while they still where married. and what we have to do is if, if we find that next someone that we want to spend the next couple of years together w/ that we remember not to try and raise the bar up to a different level because we got hurt. but that we need to grease it that way they can't hold on to that bar as long as the last person did. ahh i kill me. but seriously keep your head up and remember we made it threw the 1st part of our lives w/ out them we can make it threw the next part w/ them only as the parents of our children and the spouse that betrayed us. dang im cold. ah you know what i mean.

saenz,

How are you doing today? It's good to hear you had an adult conversation. It is so hard to be nice to the person that did this to us. Only messing up one time by saying something stupid isn't bad at all. My problem is once I start, I can't stop.

Things have really changed on my end. My friend came up and we did A LOT of talking. Yesterday we had this revelation from God for me to sacrifice my happiness for a while to keep my family together. The most important thing in my life here on earth is my family. I called my brother and told him what we were thinking and he said it was weird b/c the other day when I told him I was getting a divorce, he was thinking of it all day. He said later that night he felt God was telling him that me and my H should stay together for the family even if I will be unhappy for a while. It was so weird b/c he used the exact words me and my friend used and I didn't even tell him about the unhappiness part. Then I called my mom (who agreed w/me about getting the divorce). And I asked her what her thoughts were that day. She said she wants the family to stay together. It was really amazing that God spoke through so many people. It brought a peace over me.

So I called my H and asked him to come over and talk. He was really scared about coming over. He thought I was giving him divorce papers. But then he came and I told him to move back in and that I didn't want to know anymore details about the A and I won't ask anymore questions b/c all I get is lies anyway. He was really surprised. Actually, I was really surprised by this whole turn-around of me. I really feel it is the right thing to do and all of my family agrees w/me. My family is really, really close and none of us have ever had to deel with infidelity before (thank god).

Then, my friend came to church w/us today and she found God and became saved. Isn't that amazing? So not only did she help me, but I helped her. Are you christian? I don't know what I would do without the grace of God. That is the only way I am making it through all of this.

This is still so hard on me. Now I am thinking everytime my H looks at me he is comparing me to the OW and maybe thinking he wished he would have left me for her. I have no idea what she looks like either and she lives in California. We are in Pennsylvania. Of course, he denies that he compares us, but he is a habitual liar when it comes to the A, so I can't believe a word he says. Also, he would never admit to that. It is hard b/c I always thought I was attractive, had a lot going for me, great morals, great family background. Now I am starting to think I wasn't good enough for my H. I know it wasn't my fault, but I feel like if I really was that attractive and that great of a wife, this would have never happened. We never had any problems in our M before this event. We barely even fought and we got along GREAT! Everyone envied us. So now I just feel like I'm not everything he wanted me to be. Do you ever get down on yourself like that? Everyone tells me not to, but it is hard not to think this way.

Are you spending Easter w/the kids today? We are all going to my mom's. Honestly, even if I am feeling down, it will be so nice to see the "whole" family together. That means the world to me. I would sacrifice my happiness any day for my daughters' happiness. That is why I have chosen to stay. My happiness will eventually come back. It may take a long time, but it will happen. God will make it happen. I just have to keep my trust in him.

Sorry, I really wrote a lot there. I had a lot to say. Let me know how it's going on your end.

Did you get a new car??

--CO

good to hear you guys are going to mend things i really wish i could say the same on my end.

yeah me and the boyz went to church today and then we went to my cousins house for an easter party. then i called the
W to tell her that i was running late that i would drop off the truck around 6 pm and she said that wouldn't due caus eshe was leaving at 5 to go back to work in palm beach which
is 3.5 hrs. from where we live and i didn't want her taking my truck cause i dont think it'll make it. but no she had to leave right that min.

i asked her what happened to leaving in the morning her original time but no she changed her mind, in other words she was going to go and stay at her ex-husbands house again
the guy is the biggest loser no car no diploma just a striaght loser whom shes hated since i've known her now all of a sudden shes talkng to him everday and she stayed there w/ him a week ago when she was up there.

just pisses me off cause shes still married to me if wheren't married i wouldn't care.

but good 4 you.

why am i letting this make me upset i just don't understand it.

i'm back on this freaking roller coaster and i hate roller coaster they make me sick.

i wish its was august hopfully by then i would be better.

hey bro....i was outa town last week....just catching up with ur sitch....i realize this sounds like a stupid question...but...

how are YOU doin physically??? you sleeping?? if not, go to dr. and get some meds....they WILL help you keep a straight mind...when you go without sleep for long periods, you survive on adenaline...when you crash...you crash hard and the adrenaline without an outlet will cause MORE depression....

plus, you will not think striaght...right now you NEED a clear mind....

stay strong!

thanks sturg i just dont know if i want to be on meds i have my boys w/ me at night and if 4 sum reason i didn't wake up i wouldn't know what to do.

saenz,

I know it is an emotional roller coaster. I am going through the same feelings as you. Even though we are working our M out, it is still so hard.

I agree w/you, I don't think it's right that your W is staying w/her Xhusband while still married to you. Did she ever tell you she definitely wants a divorce? How are your kids handling all of this? It seems like you are taking really good care of them through all of this. They will really appreciate that when they realize what you've done for them when they get older.

I agree w/sturg, you should get on some meds. I was the same as you, I didn't want to go on them, but they do help with the sleeping and the mood swings. Are you having any problems with your mood swings or sleeping? I mean, if you are doing ok w/out them, then don't bother.

You do have to stay healthy for the kids. This whole situation is so emotionally draining. Did the kids get to spend time w/their mother yesterday for Easter? How is your kids' relationship with your W?

Remember to stay strong and keep your chin up. Every day gets a little easier.

--CO

my doc gave me "ambien"....i used them on the days when i was soo uptight and wound up...you wont need them everyday but they are nice to have when you are...

just a thought.

cheated:

it just feels like a slap to the face knowing shes staying at her ex. place. i just wish this was all over and that i could move on but its going to take me some time. its hard
when you love someone and that person hurt's you in the way that they did. exspecially when they know your history.

and i just dont think she has any remorse for what she did.
if she does she's not showing it.

so to put it in short im on the low 2day.

saenz,
I'm sure it feels like a slap in the face. She is showing you no respect to you whatsoever.

Of course it is going to take you some time. You need to take some time to figure this all out and get your ducks in a row. The hardest part is that you didn't see it coming. That is the hardest part for all of us BS's. I know how you feel about someone you love hurting you this way. I feel so bad for all of the BS's on this forum. It is soooo painful.

That is too bad she has no remorse. It is probably b/c she has someone else taking your place and she doesn't realize what she has done. I'm no expert on this whole Plan A and Plan B thing, but have you tried that at all?

You seem like a really strong person and I know no matter what YOU decide, it will work out for you. I can tell you have a lot going for you and the only thing holding you down right now are your emotions. Give it time, time, time and more time.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today....
--CO

think about this for a minute....

stick your chin out cuz i gotta "keep my pimp hand strong" (just alittle humor for you)

do you REALLY for a second...be honest...think anything she has going with her X is gonna last??? theres a reason she has an X...it dont even matter what their history is...its all pretty predictable, you just need to take a deep breath and step back for a moment....

what are you doing to better yourself??? what are you doing to make YOU more attractive....ill tell ya right now...dude!! shes bored to death with you...shes in a rut...THIS is her escape....

step away from her...i know its hard but around her...ACT like you dont care...ACT like everything is OK....ACT like you are very happy the way things are.....

if you really think about it....ACT the way her X acts....

if you think hes an A-hole or isnt a "nice guy"...then theres a reason she s attracted to him and not you...

do the 180 thing.....you dont have to continuwe letting her "beat" you up....

shes CANT hurt you unless YOU let her...the only one that can hurt your feelings is YOU.....STOP needing her...YOU dont!!!! youre breaking my heart bro!!

ok...now go get a hug from someone else!!! (sorry, alittle more dry humor) but you get the idea!

yeah, i think i need you to slap me a little harder. damn if the me from 7 yrs ago could see me now the ol' me would kick my own a** he'd call me a looser and shoot himself so he didn't turn into what i am now.

its just so hard to move ahead when she is suppose to of paid certain bills and i keep getting final notice bills.
i'm going crazy w/ these bills man you think you have X amount of money and you dont cause she said she paid this and that now you find out she either never paid or only paid the bare minimum amount.

It's called love. It does stupid things to us. We've all been there.

I agree with Sturgis05. It is going to be hard to do this but I think you should too. Let her see what she is missing!! Show her you don't need her and you are fine w/out her. She should see the light.

--CO

oh look who it is how are ya, how the girls and the H doing better yet how was your day today.

yeah i know alot of stuff should work its self out by this weekend. hopefully.

there is a couple of things that im looking foward to this weekend 1 thing in particular. its should be fun and im no talking about the wedding either. whoa whoa whoa

I wrote you earlier today too before sturgis05 did. Don't worry, I've been checking in on you as much as possible. I am really busy at work, so I can't get on as much as usual.

we're doing ok. I keep thinking of what my H is thinking of when he looks at me. I think he is comparing me to OW all the time and I don't even want him touching me right now. He is sleeping in our daughter's bed until I feel more comfortable around him. It seems like it is going to take forever to get my feelings back. Only time will tell.

So what's going on this weekend? What are your plans? sounds like something fun!

Are you doing any better tonight??

--CO