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I see much space devoted to BS support, but am having difficulty finding resources for a WS who wants to come back to the straight & narrow. The posts are out there, but they are scattered throughout the site. I think these posts deserve to be on the same board so that we WS's can find them more easily. We've been lost in a fog long enough, haven't we? Why does help from those who understand where we've been have to be so hard to find?
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In the meantime, thought I'd add a link to a post from the Plan A/Plan B Board that I thought was worth reading: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2971792
Last edited by BlackBelt; 04/06/06 07:47 AM.
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BB, Starting your own thread like this is the best way to get the help and support you're looking for. So you're on the right track. Now, why don't you add another post right here, telling your story in detail. I promise... if you post it... they will come (lame attempt at humor <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />). You might not like some of the responses you get. Lots of people here are brutally honest. Some, IMO, even go a little too far and can be insulting. But that's just the nature of this sort of forum. There are also a ton of people here who are really good at helping people like you (and me) who are struggling. So... what's happening with you? --SC
"I require more from my spouse than behaving well in order to avoid pain." (guess who)
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Okay, what sort of "resources" might you be thinking of that you would like to see?
Of course there is a lot of space devoted to helping Betrayed Spouses, it was the Wayward Spouses who MADE them Betrayed Spouses against their will. They are reeling from the effects of the betrayal and a Wayward Spouse is generally NOT INTERESTED in how to return to the "straight and narrow," much less to the marriage with the Betrayed Spouse, until, and if, they "wake up" and realize just how wrong their adultery has been and then repent of their behavior.
So, assuming you are in that latter category, what resources would be most helpful to YOU?
God bless.
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BB, Can you tell us your story? Patriot92 has a thread for WS's BTW. toolkit for WS
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Also if you are a WW, there is a thread on my signature for wayward wives....
There is also a support thread for FWW's here too...
For FWS in general Patriot's thread is great - FF posted it above.
The best thing of course is coming to board once they are "former" and want to work on the marriage and starting their own thread...as the struggles a WS is unique to each WS sometimes....
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I truly hope you are here for help...
I responded to your post on jfo..which has nothing to do with HELPING you..
and is fringes on the cruel side for the BS'
why are YOU here at marriage builders...
to fix and repair the damage you have done to you, your spouse, and others...
or to use this as a way to stay in the mix of things...
ARK
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Blackbelt, I am a FWW, and help is there but many will respond cruelly. I would suggest searching through the posts and finding ones that are helpful. Many of the FWS do post helpful items; just disregard those comments to you that are mean spirited. I also suggest finding a MC/IC who can help you through.
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It could be that you are finding resources sparse because coming back to the "straight and narrow" only requires one piece of advice: end it and come clean with your spouse.
It's very simple.
This is the ONLY resource needed to permit healing to begin.
I honestly don't know - have you started this yet?
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There are resources that are specficially for FWWs. If you would like info, please e-mail me. My signature line contains an e-mail address.
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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Hi Blackbelt-
Fww checking in here. We're here, we're just a more rare occurance than the BS's.
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I see much space devoted to BS support, but am having difficulty finding resources for a WS who wants to come back to the straight & narrow. Sometimes perception can be a real b_tch. All of the information in the basic concepts is just as advantageous to WSs as it is to BSs. That is your support. If you are wanting other WSs to support you in self-serving guilt, justifications or otherwise, sadly... those folks don't stay around here long It seems those kinds of folks only want to hear what they 'want' to hear... and oddly enough not many people here stick around when they don't coddled and, come to find out, that is all they were after anyway. Sometimes the truth sucks to hear. The ones that face it and try to learn and grow are the ones still here. Hope you're the sticking kind.
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I learned what I needed through reading BS's posts. As a FWW, that was my path. The one I chose.
Wish you well,
LA
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This link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=4#2686313led to a very good article, "A quick start guide on withdrawal for FWS’s and BS’s". I really needed to hear that it (the withdrawal) would get better.
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Why don't you tell us your story?
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You are so right. It's just like skydiving. Jump. Pull the cord. That simple. It's that falling thing that worries me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> BB
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New to the forum. Not new to the site. And I seek advice.
First, a confession. I am a wayward spouse. I have ceased all but email contact with my married lover. I want to work on my marriage, and I hope to find the happiness there that I was seeking from elsewhere. My spouse does not know about the affair.
My lover's spouse, however, does. And she has been behaving strangely. While she tells her husband that she wants our affair to end, she goes behind his back and secretly encourages me to maintain contact with him. Using his username, she was IM'ing me. And she was using his cell phone to call mine. I discovered over 3 dozen offline IM messages that I immediately knew were not him. It took a while to figure out the "missed calls" on my cell were not from him.
And now I've found her here. Her BB messages are so detailed, and she knows I've been looking at this website, I can only interpret these as more attempts to get my attention. At least this time she is not pretending to be him.
I'm dealing with a psychotic, aren't I. Why else would someone behave this way? I should ignore her, shouldn't I? Can someone offer a possible explanation for her behavior? I thought she would be happy that the affair was over. This is from BB's thread on JFO. Here is the link Why isn't she happy the Affair is over?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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BB,what about your H? Have you confessed the A to him yet? If not, you need to do so. Have you been checked for STD's? NC letter to your MOM (affair partner) needs to be done immediately and send a copy to his BW.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Quote:
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Oh, and I suggested that she might be psychotic because I have a concern for my personal safety. Probably paranoia on my part. It wasn't intended as a blanket judgement against all BS's.
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If you have concerns for your physical safety ...
tell your husband that you fear retribution from MM's wife because you are having an affair.Your H will protect you.
Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 04/06/06 12:47 PM.
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You are so right. It's just like skydiving. Jump. Pull the cord. That simple. It's that falling thing that worries me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> BB Note I said "simple." This is not necessarily the same as "easy." WAT ---------------- "Leap and the net will appear." Salty Piece of Land Jimmy Buffett
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