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could this be and in shock
#1629869 04/06/06 08:43 AM
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mruggi
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so, we started mediation yesterday just orientation..the minute it was over she called om. im feeling that all hope is lost as she continues to spend more and more time with him...she dreeses nicely for him and takes care of herself.im lied to and feel like im being treated like dirt. our kids dont know yet but im trying to keep a sane household..should i begin to let go?
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629870 04/06/06 08:53 AM
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No. Va.
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worthatry Offline
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Good news, bad news.

Bad news - very likely she called OM as you state. She's an addict and she needed a fix.

Good news - very, very typical of fogged up WSs. If she HADN'T immediately called OM, you should be concerned. I say this because this illustrates her addiction.

Please remind me how old your kids are.

WAT
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"Faith is believing in what you know ain’t so." Mark Twain
Re: could this be and in shock
worthatry #1629871 04/06/06 08:58 AM
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boy 6 girl 8
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629872 04/06/06 09:04 AM
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mruggi - I apologize I can't remember all of your story - and you're so wordy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What was the lead up to the mediation? What are you mediating?

WAT
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Embrace your inner fish.
Re: could this be and in shock
worthatry #1629873 04/06/06 09:46 AM
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me and my wife are married 18 years..she told me recently she is involved with another male..she says she has been thinking about him for 2years and recently put herself in his path..she says she loves him and wants to move ahead with mediation. all this in a 3 month period. she says i have not been there for her emotionally and that i have had my head in the sand for the past 2yrs.ive had some alcohol abuse issues in the past but for the most part was a loving husband and great father..she says this man makes her click and i recently saw her emails to him which talk about how much they are in love with each other and how great sex is..she says she cant live without him and does not know how she did until now....in pain mike
Re: could this be and in shock
worthatry #1629874 04/06/06 09:48 AM
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we are mediating what she wants seperation and divorce
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629875 04/06/06 09:56 AM
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I recommend you be the model citizen in the mediation process and make your position clear - you do not want separation or divorce and you will not be the one to take those steps. Also, you have no intention to give up any child custody nor split marital property. Make it clear to the mediator that she is having an extramarital affair. Has this been brought out in mediation?

WAT
------------------
Embrace your inner fish.
Re: could this be and in shock
worthatry #1629876 04/06/06 01:29 PM
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the fact that she is having an affair has no bearing on the situation according to nys law...if i dont agree she will have a lawyer serve me with papers i would think..
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629877 04/06/06 01:37 PM
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Is this mediation part of the legal process, or as an alternative to formal legal steps?

Has the affair been brought out in the mediation?

My understanding of mediation - and I may be completely wrong - is that it's a process to seek compromise. It seems you're holding the best cards and can bargain from a stronger position.

WAT
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629878 04/06/06 01:39 PM
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mediation instead of getting lawyers involved to negotiate assetts and custody...
Re: could this be and in shock
mruggi #1629879 04/06/06 01:52 PM
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So, NYS divorce law is not applicable. You can negotiate using whatever you have to negotiate with.

OK, don't waste any letters here, a simple Y or N will do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Has the affair been brought up yet in mediation?

Who knows, the mediator may be a BS - or a FWS - and be sympathetic to your plight! (of course, the mediator may also be a current WS, but WSs are immune to hypocrisy)

WAT
Re: could this be and in shock
worthatry #1629880 04/07/06 05:58 AM
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y....the mediator is married with children.

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