I have posted a few post and I keep reading on here that everyone here gives such great advice. Then where is my advice? I have yet to get anyone who really wants to give me some advice. Thanks for your time. God Bless

(((((MendMyMarriage)))))

MMM, you were offered advice on your other thread. Obviously from this thread you don't think so. So WHAT advice do you want?

If it's some "magic bullet" to make it all go away and let you have a nice marriage, that sort of thing, sadly, does not exist. There is no "quick fix" for what you are going through. Rather than retype it, I will copy my post to you from your other thread. Perhaps after you read it you will be better able to formulate WHAT it is you want us to offer advice about.


(((((MendMyMarriage)))))

Your husband is a serial adulterer. He does NOT have the Lord as His, so "you know who" is in control. Therefore, it is not at all surprising that he puts HIS wants, needs, and desires ahead of any thought of "sacrificial love" for you.

The "advice" you want may not be what you want to hear.

So for now, read up on Plan A and begin it for yourself. As open and callous as he appears to be with his affair, you will very likely have to proceed to Exposure of the Affair(very soon) and possibly to a Plan B in a few months.

"Obedience to God" will NOT be a factor, since, as you have stated, he is NOT a believer. But regardless of his position, YOU are a believer and God will make His peace and comfort available to you throughout these tough times of trial and tribulation for you.

God bless.

Ouch!!!

Double Ouch!!

Mendy? You were asked questions by four really great posters (I'm counting me, too)...like FH here, Orchid, AskMe and Frozen...(I call her Froz)...which you didn't answer directly.

You were given advice, what to read, what your options were, and asked questions to get you more advice.

When you were asked, have you read about Love busters (LBs) on this site, we were pointing you in the direction of self discovery. Your disrespectful judgments (DJs) like the one here:

"I have yet to get anyone who really wants to give me some advice."

Are killing your life. Your choice. Your power. You are doing this...no one else.

Ouch!

LA

Sorry I probably came off the wrong way. I am just in a lot of pain right now. I thought some of you have been in my shoes and could possible give me some examples as to what you did. Sorry if I offended anyone that was not my intentions at all. SORRY> GOD BLESS!

LOL. MendMyMarriage, I'm, sorry your post is funny. I don't mean this with disrespect. Your rant just got me to giggling.


Your Nic is a little funny too. It reads a little like a command. MendMyMarriage, Darn IT! Come on laugh with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I also take it to be that you want to MendMyMarriage.

Well, I'm a newbie to MB. It took me some time getting posters. Often times so many people are posting to several posters at one time trying to keep an eye on them all and I can imagine for the senior members on MB it is difficult.

With that said, it may take a little time. Hang in there. There are excellent posters out here. And many will chime in if asked. Maybe choose a certain poster and ask them specifically for advice.

Just a little suggestion, for certain areas that I needed help with I did a search and read up on posters with similar problems then read up things that helped them and also if there was a poster that seemed really helpful in a similar situation I asked for them to post to me specifically.

Just my thoughts. Keep trying. Is there an area in your life that you are trying to focus on right now? While I may not be able to give you advice, I may be able to suggest a thread. Wishing the best..

Oh yeah, MendMyMarriage one more thing. I don't know if this is a problem for you , but I had a lot of dificulty facing the fact about my personal issues that needed correcting and other areas pertaining to my H. I'm working now on getting them straight.

I understand that some posters have already posted to you. It helped me to go back and review and examine if I was missing something or what usually was the case, if I was emotionally resisting what had been said to me, withdarawing.

Whatever should be the case, be Open and honest without DJs, that is. Express how you feel. Is there any misunderstanding on what has been posted to to you? Ask for clarification. Just my thoughts.

Thanks, Mendy...

We do know your pain...we've all been down that path...different stages. We had to work, read our brains out, dig out our answers...no one mended our marriages for us.

Part of doing this for yourself, the researching Plan A (which I believe is where you are at and what you were advised to follow), is finding your power as a BS. Finding your choices and owning your part. Like the very action of researching tells your self that you are watching out for you, especially after being hit by something that feels like it is destroying your self.

All those questions asked of you were to guide you to answers. Not give them to you. Hard for us to say, "Here, this will fix everything" because we have been where you are, wanted this also, salve for our wounds and hope in a basket, and there is no fix or hope that you don't create for yourself, your life.

Ask questions back...answer ours...it is back and forth, not a button waiting to be pushed.

LA

MendMyMarriage - Don't let it bother you. We HAVE been where you are and we KNOW how NUTS it makes things. You need not apologize for the raging emotions and how they take control of you from time to time.

But I want you to also understand two things. First, while these wildly swinging emotions are normal, they cannot be allowed to control your actions and decisions indefinitely.
Second, the more you learn about Emotional Needs, Plan A, Plan B, Boundaries and Standards, the role of Christian wife, etc., the more you will achieve some stability and be better able to deal with the situation that your husband has thrust upon you.

There are NO guarantees because no one can "make" another person do something against their will. At least not permanently and with commitment, perhaps even enthusiasm. Part of someone "choosing you" instead of someone else is the idea of the Love Bank. It begins with you making whatever, if any, needed changes in yourself that may be needed to make you a "desirable person" to anyone, even to your Wayward Spouse.

If you wish to embark upon a path that MAY save your marriage and allow it to grow into something better, let me give you THE watchword that you will need over and over again....PATIENCE. It's going to take time. The "average' recovery period is 2 years.

Let me recommed another book to you that you may find extremely helpful. It's called Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. In it you will find affairs described, recovery methods and recovery timelines.

Keep posting.

God bless.

Hi Mend. I know many people are reading here and want to help you. I can only imagine your frustration right now, but please don't be frustrated with MB. You will get help here.

Sometimes people offer support. Other times advice about tactics; what move to make at what times. Other advice is more general wisdom: what does the A mean, what's the big picture, what is the source of the marital problems,... the more dialogue, the more help you will get from your posters.

When you've seen advice given to others here that you found really good, what kind of advice was it? I guess just about everyone here is - or has been - in a somewhat similar situation, with other people outside the marriage involved in some sort of affair.

People here can help you understand what's going on, help you cope with it, help you make the right moves to end the affair in an effort to bring the marriage back together, help you and your WH meet each others' needs... Please keep talking and don't be frustrated.

A good goal is to expose and end the affair. Maybe the most-talked-about subject on MB. If you keep providing details and asking for help, you'll get tons of help with that. (There are other good goals as well.)
People here care and want to help, don't give up on your marriage or on MarriageBuilders.