Hi everyone, I'm relatively new here and have been recieving a lot of great advice on my sitch.

Once question I have though, is this:

I've heard reference to several members here that did great plan A's. I was wondering if people would share examples of what it is they did during thier plan A.

Thanks!

Never mind...I can't take this anymore. I think I'm filing for a D this morning.

Good Father I don't know if you are out here or not, but Hang On a minute. Are you sure you want to file for dv? I don't know your situation. I'll read your thread after this. I've seen you on GQII. I'm in a similar situation as yours. I'm in Plan A. but my Plan A is shaky. As a matter of fact today i was requesting help with my Plan A.
But make sure you're ready for dv. I've gone back and forth on this one myself. Hang On.

No I'm not sure I want a DV....all I know for sure is that I want the pain to stop, and to not hate and love my WW at the same time.

GF don't give up. Please. It will get better. I had little demons sitting on my shoulder telling me to D her, and telling me to resent her and hate her. Missed Ding her by about an inch. Now in recovery. Don't listen to those demons. Breathe, relax, wait, focus on anything but her A.

Hey, GF...

I believe doing a great Plan A is getting to the heart of your own issues...and that you can do this, because you're already aware you don't want to end the marriage...just the pain. Those little voices on our shoulders, like WNH, are our young children inside of us...pain links us fast and hard to them...primary to reacting to pain is fear...of more pain, enduring it...they do not seek to understand it, just stop it.

Plan A isn't about saying, "Oh, how can I earn my WW's love back" it is how do I make choices and do I have better ones I'm not making? Such as respect...how respectful am I? Do I know I am separate and equal to my partner? Do I look to be filled up by them or am I aware of filling myself? What are my beliefs about how a marriage "should" be and what are my expectations, resentments which may be contributing to my pain?

Humans are marvelously made...if we choose to become safe for others' thoughts, feelings and belief, do not believe we cause, control or cure others' by our actions, then we will become safe for ourselves, as well, and own what is ours. I think this is as essential to Plan A as exposure and boundaries. Getting this...self-examination, stops the obsessing on your WW, each gesture, word and action...which is crazy making and very disrespectful.

You make yourself what you want her to be to you...listen and repeat, acknowledge and respect...do not please to fix; make love a verb you do...and feel great about your choices because they have their own reward in taking them, not in the response.

You can do this. You can thrive in your life and mitigate the rollercoaster of your emotions...which are information only, about your beliefs.

LA

I'm in a similar situation, doing a shaky Plan A and being requested by my wife to go to Plan B or even divorce (B should be my decision not hers). All I have read says that we need to avoid talking about the A or even about our relationship too much, focus on the positive, do fun things with or without the WS, make home a place they would want to be. I'm trying all of these, but seem to fail too much. I am also almost ready to get out of this nightmare of a marriage, but I know if I do I will never want to come back, and if I lose hope there is none, because she has none. But every day you can make any progress is good, and you are growing during this time. Focus on becomming a better person, unrelated to your marriage and your hurts. Do it for you, not for her.