Hey, Sfjaj,
Here I do this and then work and don't post back.
ACK.
I'm on vacation now (since I'm off work until 4/17)...so have at it!
Oh. My turn. You got your list. Okay. Now, next to each name, write out what really makes you angry and reactive to them. Use single words...dishonest, whatever...write them on the same line next to the name. I had to write small.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
And I urge you to email Dealan-de...Kimmy is way ahead of me, a pure spirit and someone who can help you, also.
I'm not dumping you, so don't go there. You'll find many people will speak to your soul at different times, ways and for different reasons. Do your best to be open...it is how God comes in.
"Hey, Sfjaj,
Here I do this and then work and don't post back.
ACK.
I'm on vacation now (since I'm off work until 4/17)...so have at it!
Oh. My turn. You got your list. Okay. Now, next to each name, write out what really makes you angry and reactive to them. Use single words...dishonest, whatever...write them on the same line next to the name. I had to write small.
To your other posts that came when I didn't get to MB...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
"what gives you this incredible peace. If I didn't have children, right now, I wouldn't feel like living. I'm at that type of low point. But I want to be a role model for them" I had children and didn't feel like living. Of course, I didn't feel living many times since I was 8 years old. You are the world to your children. I know you won't consider that selfish act. I have no doubt. I think you learned from selfish acts this last time.
I know I did. Funny how it took that to get me to here. I look at it like a very dark, terrible gift. I've gotten my sharing of bashing from posting that. Took a lot of time and soul searching to believe that. Wasn't a quick fix and I'm not handing it to you as one...just an idea of an idea, 'k?
In healing, it isn't what we think it is going to be...healing feels like bandaids and soft, reassuring kisses where it hurts. Real healing comes from ownership, owning what our choices were and why...
"I know sometimes I can seem defensive." Let's begin here...are you saying you chose to be defensive with other posters, or that they got it wrong? Do you see where your statement tells me you aren't, just appear so?
"These past few weeks have been very trying." Is this true, or have these past few weeks been the most painful time of your life? Almost?
"and my selfishness takes some innocence away from her." Please explain how you can take away anyone's anything. I know you believe this right now, and I may have misunderstood. Your DD's innocence is hers. Your selfishness is yours. Are you saying that your choices clouded what would have been a time of great celebration and fulfillment?
"thank you for offering me some kindness and seeing something in me that is worth salvaging." My goal is to show you the kindness and preciousness in you, that remains. Nothing to salvage. I don't believe you've known it before. Knowing it now is the only way to really heal yourself and your marriage.
"I know most hate me here," This is a DJ to yourself and to others. Read up on Disrespectful Judgments in the Love Busters. Realizing this one changed my life, has given me that peace you see. It is yours for the believing...when you get this crucial truth.
"but gosh, your reaching out means more than you know. I've been feeling very discouraged, and I saw some of that in habiba, and I guess that's why I feel so strongly that I wanted to reach out to her in some measure of kindness." Can you see how by seeing in someone else, you see into yourself? Without judgment, this is how we find ourselves, when we've been living from the outside in. You're already on the good path to health and healing. Conflict doesn't mean there is no lesson, most likely indicates more than one to be learned in it.
"Please pray for me and my family; i really want to keep doing the right thing" You got it. In my prayers, right now. Tell me something...if you do the right thing, will you become right?
I look forward to the next step. I'm going out of town Monday, for the week, so if you're on tomorrow, I'd love for you to post the list of words by each name...without the name. You can number them, if you want; and if you don't want to type all of them, let me know.
LA
