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People still in their addiction feed off each other's frustration and disappointment. That is where you are right now, sfj. How about you resist for a while the temptation to commiserate with others while they are still deep in their misery until you have completely gone through your own misery and come out with your marriage intact and healthy? Let Dorry and the other recovered wayward spouses out here help YOU first, okay?
Can you do that?
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I do learn from them, but I believe I can still listen to and help others. Thank you for your input; at least it was very thoughtfully offered
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Sfj, you "believe" you can help, but those with experience in this are telling you that is a misconception rooted in the fact that you are not yet recovered. Why do you reject that? How can you reject it? They have articles on the subject and personal recovery experiences to relate...you have "I feel," and "I believe."
Don't you get it? At this time and place, your feelings and beliefs cannot be trusted. Don't wreck your chance to get better, Sfj. Your marriage and your family are at risk.
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Are you here to find help in recovering your marriage, sfjaj?
Serious question, btw.
Lori
VERY HAPPY! FBS/FWS; 47yo; M-29 yrs.; DS-26,DD-21; our affairs: 1990-'96
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excellent points, and I do learn every day...certainly others are further along. In the same spirit, I believe I have something to offer... You have to fix yourself before you can fix others....... What you have to offer is inexperience and ignorance about what constitutes recovery. You cannot help others recover if you have not done so yourself. The blind cannot lead the blind.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you here to find help in recovering your marriage, sfjaj?
Serious question, btw.
Lori repeat
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No, sfj. You can't help others until you've helped yourself. Again, where are the published articles and life experiences that support your position? You cannot have the latter until you get to the other side of this.
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No, sfj. You can't help others until you've helped yourself. Again, where are the published articles and life experiences that support your position? You cannot have the latter until you get to the other side of this. By God Longhorn, she's right. Why? Because she FEELS right!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> /end_sarcastic_rant FN
Divorced April 26 2007...
REMARRIED to a wonderful woman October 13, 2012!
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Sorry...had to get something to wade through all the manure that's being piled on these posts!
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Sorry...had to get something to wade through all the manure that's being piled on these posts! Oh c'mon, don't you know that's what BS really stands for? You didn't honestly think it meant betrayed spouse did you? FN
Divorced April 26 2007...
REMARRIED to a wonderful woman October 13, 2012!
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Yeah, FN. <sigh>
Sfj, you're awfully proud of that degree you have. Surely you didn't get an advanced degree by proposing unsupported opinions. How about supporting your thoughts with something other than "feelings" and "beliefs?" How about something concrete instead of mocking others?
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sfjaj...you are like a firecracker today.
Could I make a suggestion?
How about disconnecting from the Internet, fixing supper,
sitting by your husband and playing with your little boy
and baby girl....get away from this Marriage Builders forum for awhile.
On the threads that members said they thought things were funny and they laughed a lot and acted like children, I did not smile or laugh once today at all the many posts. I actually felt very sad as I read them.
Sfjaj, you need help. When you have time, how about bringing up the thread 'worthatry' started for you and just stick to posting your heart out there.
It would be good for you (just about you and your marriage) and there really are many people that would like to help you.
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ItWontRainAlways, then if you really read them, you realize I'm not the only one who needs help...others were baiting and enjoying it. Why aren't you also telling pep and ML they "need help"?
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I just think you need a break from posting here for awhile.
You have posted LOTS of posts today....MY GOODNESS, sfjaj!
Yeah, I don't like it when posters make fun of other posters
or act silly with cutsie\clickie remarks but I guess you just have to let it roll off your back.
Do you think it might be beneficial to just post on your
own thread WAT started for you? Maybe try that for awhile?
I will try to find it and bring it up.
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Itwontrainalways, thank you.I will look at it
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ItWontRainAlways, then if you really read them, you realize I'm not the only one who needs help...others were baiting and enjoying it. Why aren't you also telling pep and ML they "need help"? > crickets <
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Pepper, my, my, my you are defensive...a sign of one who clearly has no idea what she is talking about. You need help, my dear
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Pepper, my, my, my you are defensive...a sign of one who clearly has no idea what she is talking about. You need help, my dear Can you please help us, sfjaj? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> [especially ark!]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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