a place to safely vent feelings

In my opinion....

For recent WS's (or BS's), time spent "venting" or commiserating with others' venting, would be better spent formulating and working a plan for recovery.

Heck, you can vent anywhere....but at MB you can recover.

Lori

the venting can help recovery...sadandconfused and habiba, I am here

Many other recovered FWS's and BS's are here also....ready, willing and able to aid recent FWS's in their recovery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lori

good point, come back whenever you are ready

Transferred here from another thread:

Sfj, You’re right. Recovery IS a continuum. It’s one coherent program. By your own logic you can NOT pick and choose those portions of the continuum you like and discard those you do not if you really want to recover from your adultery. Plainly put, you can’t use MB principles to heal the obscenity you’ve done to your marriage if you are, at the same time, trying to tear those principles down.

Listen to those who have gone through your situation and come out successfully on the other side. They can help you, but only if you will pay attention.

SFJAJ,

You know, early on, I defended your right to feel the way you wanted to about certain issues. However, I am finding now, that, by your attitude, you seem to be he!! bent on helping others (with limited knowledge of MB principles). I now feel that by helping others, you can FORGET your own situation. Perhaps you should try to absorb from those who have used the MB principles and apply them before you attempt to help others. If you're not in agreement with the principles, why be here? I'm not attempting to be sarcastic, I'm really not. I'm just curious as to why you are here if you don't agree with Dr. H's principles.

Because it is a place where WS come to look for help in their situations, and I feel my experience may help

This board, as I see it, is for people who practice (or at least are interested in practicing the MB principles). Surely, there are other sites you could go to just "chat" about your situation. I don't want to turn you away, but I don't see why you come here if you're not a believer.

Not to sound sarcastic....honestly....but, just how much experience do YOU have with recovery? It really does matter.

Lori

Back to habiba: please post again, hopefully I can help you talk through some of the confusion you are feeling.

Please don't take this as an insult, but WHY does your atitude here sound like something that would be found on the TOM site?


FN

This is a place to come, to get help, AS IT APPLIES TO MB PRINCIPLES. This is not just a place to vent, although we all takes turns doing that too! It is a place to get help as it applies to MB principles.
Take a look at the name on the site....

Again, habiba, please post again. Apparently, others haven't picked up on the idea that this thread is about you and sadandconfused!

I had the same thought.

I will not come into any of this persons posts any longer, as I suspect we are all being strung along by someone who should be posting on a different site (and in fact, probably does post on a different site)

Habiba: NewBeginningII had a very good comment to you on your other thread....just wanted to make sure you saw it:

How you feel right now is NOT how you will feel a few years from now (or even a few months from now!).

Please, give this some serious, careful consideration. You do NOT want to be that person, Habiba. I know you don't. These good feelings are chemically induced and they are temporary.

Please, don't throw your integrity completely away for a fleeting "high." If you do, that's what you will be remembered for. Always. You're better than that!

Lori

No m'am, this and many other threads have become about YOU. As evidenced by the number of people from both the WS and BS sides you've managed to alienate.


FN

FN, actually others have done that! You are wrong, wrong, wrong.

Habiba, please post

How can you help anyone right now, sfj? You made an analogy on another thread about alcoholics in AA supporting each other and mentoring each other. That's true. However, what you ignore is that those mentors are successfully recovering alcoholics, not those members still in the throes of their addiction. You haven't gotten to a place where you can claim the status of recovered yet. Your marriage may well be one of those that cannot survive the obscenity of your adultery.

Alcoholics start out every statement in a meeting with “…and I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for…” (You started the analogy so I’ll continue it.) Simply put, you can't say you're an adulterer and you've been (sober) for any length of time because you are NOT on the other side of the consequences of your adultery yet. Isn’t it arrogant of you to say those like Dorry, Mrs. Wonder, et al, who have been where you are and have recovered using the MB program as a whole are wrong?

Come on sfj. Let them help you get well and then you actually can help others.

excellent points, and I do learn every day...certainly others are further along. In the same spirit, I believe I have something to offer...