and I think i've finally reached the end of my marital journey. There's been more pain than joyous times and my sadness comes from knowing there is a bright, energetic, fun 8 year old son who loves both of us very much and who tells us a lot. I've tried to hang in there for his sake because I dont' want to break his heart, however in the midst of it all, I'm so unhappy. So many unpleasant "surprises" have occurred over the 8+ years from finding out hubby is recovering alcoholic and sex addict, to getting kicked out of a doctors office for an inappropriate comment he made to nurse; to job losses he's had also as result of inappropriate comments he's made; plus his controlling and selfish ways and so much more. I've tried to hang in there and trust God and to think of our son and not be selfish and leave, but I'm not sure how much longer I can do that, because I'm so unhappy. He tells me I just complain, however, I dont say much to him. In reality, if I disagree with him on anything he says then he says that I'm arguing or complaining. I try to keep the peace by not saying much to him, but that's not healthy either, so I'm in a very unpleasant situation. I don't feel any connection with him at all. And it's sad, because when he's not around, I have peace. I've lost so much during these 8 years...my zeal for life, my fun and energetic spirit, my excellent credit as I've tried to support him in his entrepreneurial ventures and so much more. I've tried to be a good, supportive wife but all he says is that I won't dress to please him, I'm not intimate enough and that I spend more time with our son than I spend with him. I find myself feeling overwhelmed at times since I'm the bookkeeper, the educator, the maid, etc., and I'm self employed. I'm also the disciplinarian cause he doesn't discipline the boy nor does he support me when I discipline him, which is stressful itself. Well, I could go on, but I'll end it here. I guess I just needed to vent and I'm not sure what my next step is. I just know that I need to find a good support group that can help me through this ordeal and continue to depend on my higherpower to help me thru this as well. I speak with a therapist, but I'm not sure that she can help me either. I welcome any comments, ideas or suggestions that could help me along this jouney. Thanks again and God Bless all!

I'm just curious why I haven't received any replies from anyone. I'm sure someone has been in a similar situation, was just wondering how they handled it.

Unique -

I'm reading an excellent book right now called "Why is is always about you? - The seven deadly sins of narcissism" by Sandy Hotchkiss. I highly recommend it - it might open your eyes.

If he meets the criteria - you might consider running!

-T2D

Time2Decide, thank you for your feedback and I will check out the book. I'm just curious why or what prompted you to recommend this book. What in my post seemed to suggest that I think it's all about me or that I'm narccistic? Thanks for your feedback!

I'm married to a struggling-to-recover SA. I'm working a plan of action that will lead me to more stability and freedom on my terms, while working a powerful Plan A (being the best woman/wife/mother I can be) so that I can build my confidence independent of my husband's actions.

A while back I took a vow that I wasn't coming back to marriage builders, because I needed to focus on other things - however, MB is a hard habit to break.

Please feel free to e-mail me at kaylaandy @ yahoo . com

wow, i'm having trouble trying to relate. i left my stbx because of emotional and physical abandonment. it sounds like you were married to someone with even more serious issues. i have learned this from my 8 year debacle of a marriage - it's over. we separated three times - four if you count the two weeks i took to file. because i couldn't get up the courage to end things we had a child. that's really not knowing it's over.

take a look at yourself. have someone you love and trust be brutally honest with you and see if it matches your self assessment. i bet you find an answer of three by doing that. every person in my life knew my marriage was garbage and that i was miserable. but i never bothered to ask. i was too busy worrying about what i could do to make someone love me who didn't.

ask yourself why you are unhappy and or why your marriage doesn't work. i guarentee you'll begin your journey to self preservation anf personal happiness.

godspeed

OK Unique - you need to go to www.enneagraminstitute.com and take the short quiz to type yourself. Because I wasn't talking about you! Sounds like your relationship is always about HIM!

You just described a lot of similarities between your H and mine, except I don't think my H has addiction issues - he does like his alcohol, but doesn't get drunk.

Please get the book and read it - I think it will open your eyes. Also, mention it to your therapist. If anyone thinks he has full-blown narcissistic personality disorder - I think I'd run!

But please do the enneagram stuff first - there is another good book out there called "The Wisdom of the Enneagram". Before you approach you H with anything, please read this book too. It will help you discover when you're working from the unhealthy sides of your Divine (core) personality.

Please let us know how you're doing.

-T2D