habiba...

I went through a similar struggle as you. I'll simply share my experience and maybe you can get something from it.

I used to be very, very fundamental and literalist. I tried to live by every rule and regulation I thought I could find in the Bible. I was VERY critical and judgemental of others who wouldn't accept that the Bible had all the answers anybody could need...

Then it all fell apart. I was angry at God for a long time...I held Him responsible; after all, I believed I was holding up my end so why didn't He hold up His? I felt cheated.

I came to realize that a relationship with God has NOTHING to do with all the little rules and regulations one can dig out obscure scriptures...it has EVERYTHING to do with an attitude of the heart.

God is able to be perfect and holy because He has both free will AND omniscience. Man is INCAPABLE of being perfect and holy BECAUSE he has free will WITHOUT omniscience.

Don't you think God knew this when He created us? Of course He did. He NEVER expected us to NOT SIN. I think the plan of Redemption through Christ was an integral part of our creation...not a response to our failing.

So, with that said, yes, I guess God did sort of set us up to fail...if you want to look at it as failure. Scripture emphasizes that God chose to love the people He related to DESPITE their imperfection. I think that's the lesson we get from Biblical accounts...it's one of hope.

Ultimately, my relationship with God is NOT about keeping regulations...but about internalizing only two principles; 1) Love God with all your being and 2) Love others as you love yourself.

If you've chosen to take God up on his offer of redemption through Christ, that sets you on a very unique and individual journey of trying to figure out how these two principles play out in your life. Indeed, there is total freedom in Christ...but with it is responsibility to fulfill the two principles.

I evaluate my actions and thoughts in the following terms these days...1) Is a thought or action unloving towards God? and 2) Is this thought or action unloving towards myself or another? 3) How did God deal with this with others in the past?

The little stuff I used to sweat about (occasional drinks, mixed fabrics, etc) are all in perspective and aren't issues...because I don't think they are big issues for me...in my time and circumstance.

Things are much more simple now: Love God, Love others, Love myself. If it doesn't fit that model, then I have a problem.

So how do I manage problems...because, of course, I'm not perfect...

I acknowledge my error to God and those I've offended, asked (but not expected) forgiveness, and changed my actions.

I am at peace with myself.

I don't think it's up to others to tell me when I'm "sinning", as that's an issue between God and myself, however, others can tell me when they think I'm behaving in a hurtful or unloving way.

Affairs are extremely hurtful and destructive. They violate both principles and it's clear that God never approved of adultery in scripture.

So, that is my experience. I'm solid with God these days. He's always been solid with me (despite my thinking otherwise). I try to avoid putting Him or anyone else in a "box" because I'm not smart enough to know His or anyone else's heart.

Low

Think of it as it also should be thought of, a parent/child relationship. When you were a kid, how many times did your parents let you fail, as long as you wouldn't be harmed or harm anyone else? Did they then set you up for failure. Look at your own relationship with your own kids. You let them fail occasionaly, right? But, do you set the scene up for them to fail? It's one of the best ways for children to learn. Does God want or wish us to fail? No, He wants us to make the right choices. I think that your little scale of wrong/middle/right is very incorrect. Free will is just that, free will. If anyone is trying to set us up for failure, it's the biggest failure in the world, Satan. HE'S the one that sets the scenes up for failure and HE'S the one doing all the bad stuff that we try to blame on God. He sets the temptations in front of us with the hopes that we will be worn down and take the bait. He thinks he's as perfect as God, and that's his greatest downfall, literally!

With all your sidetracking of the answers here, you are avoiding taking the FULL blame for YOUR mistakes! You are blaming God for creating a sinful creature. He didn't create us that way, because sin was NOT in the world UNTIL Eve took that fruit, ate and then gave it to Adam and he ate. He created us with free will. I agree that He knew from before He spoke light into the universe that He would be sending His Son to die for our sins but He loved us THAT much even BEFORE we were on this earth to continue with the full creation! Heck, look at the lineage that Christ came from, David, who commited adultry, murder and how many other sins? But, David repented of those sins, accepted his punishment(for the adultry and murder, his OC lived less than one year) and went on serving his Lord. Abraham, before David, who slept with his wife's maid servent pushed on him by his wife, also bore Sarah a son who is Issac from whom the 12 tribes began. I'm not bringing up these two to say that God doesn't have a problem with adultry, obviously He does. I'm pointing out that these two major contributors to the lineage of Christ were far from perfect, yet they continued to serve the Lord until their death. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his ONLY living son to God, David watched and accepted his son's(oc) death, then went on to have Solomon! They may have made the wrong choices with their free will, but the CAME BACK TO GOD every time.

Repent of your sins, ask forgiveness and then move on and don't repeat the sin. Dwelling on the why, when you've had the answer all along, only keeps you in your sin. With the way you are asking these questions, you ARE pushing towards the world of robots. If God created us MORE towards the "right" He is determining our will, right? If He places us smack dab in the "middle" He has given us complete FREE WILL. If He places us more towards "wrong" He's setting us up for failure, making Satan's work easier. Sin DID NOT enter the world UNTIL the fruit was taken and eaten. There was no knowledge of "good and evil" before then, therefore, no sin. All that God created was "very good" (Gen 1:31). Free will has been ours FROM THE BEGINNING. That's how God want's us, to make our own choices, between right and wrong. FREE WILL.

Some very good points here, Habiba!

FH is right on to where your focus needs to be. Who is Jesus to you? Do you know Him? Do you count Him as your friend? Is He your Lord (very key here!!)?

You see, my wife walks around saying Jesus is her Savior and her friend. But nowhere since the affair, has Jesus been her Lord. And we ignore that part of Him to our detriment.

Ever heard of a person being called a "God-fearing man" or a "God-fearing woman?" Does that mean they are scared of Him? No, it doesnt. It means that they recognize, not only that He died for us, not only that He wishes a relationship with us...but that He also is God.

Let's say a good friend of mine became President one day and asked me to go to work for him. And we walk in the Oval Office on the first day, and in front of everyone, I say "Hey man..." Is that respectful of his position? sure, I knew him when he was a nobody. But now, he is President of the United States...not JUST my friend. So, instead...while still his friend...I would say "Mr. President..." or "Sir..."

Do you get what I am saying? Putting my friend in that position and making sure I treat him like he should be treated is exactly what FH is trying to get you to understand. It isnt because my friend is demanding me to call him "sir." It is because he is my friend, and he deserves to be called "sir" because of his position.

Same goes for Jesus. He created you and me. He saved you and me. He deserves your reverence. He is your Lord...which means you must bend your knee.

Now, I do understand your dilemna. We have discussed this ad nauseum on this site before. And I am sure that FH is leading you to the answer. But let me give you a story that will help answer your question "Why did He create us?"

Before I begin the story, you do understand that in order for us to be able to love God, we have to be able to chose to NOT love Him. Which means, in order to do the right things that God has laid out, we have to be allowed to do the wrong ones. It is because God loves you that you have the ability to be tempted. Remember, Jesus was tempted. So, He knows EXACTLY how you feel!! He isnt a God standing up in Heaven issuing orders. He is a God that came down and lived what you are living. With all of the pain, suffering, temptations...and joys this life has to offer. He really does understand. Which is why He desires a relationship with you.

Okay...the story...

There was a man who one day decided that he wanted to grow closer to Jesus. So, he prayed one day and said that every morning before work, he wanted to meet with Jesus and have fellowship for an hour. To just hang out in His presence. So, every morning, he would go down the stairs and meet Jesus near his fireplace. And he would pray...and just talk to his friend.

After awhile, things started to come up. Instead of an hour, he began to start shortening it sometimes because of other things going on in his life. Eventually, he would miss a few days here or there because of work or whatever.

One day, he got a new position at work. He needed to be in early. so he prayed and told Jesus that this would just be temporary. But what was a day or two, now turned into weeks of neglect. Sure, he continued going to church. But his daily meetings with Jesus began to end.

One day, after not meeting with Jesus for 6 months, this guy was walking down his stairs one Saturday morning and saw a vision of Jesus sitting next to the fireplace...waiting.

This guy ran into the room and fell to his knees crying. He asked Jesus "I am so sorry for neglecting you. How long have you been here? Have you been here the whole time?"

Jesus responded "My son, you asked to meet with me and I told you that I would. I have enjoyed our time together. It is the highlight of my day."

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You asked why we were created...and why in this way. Well, there is your answer Habiba. He doesnt want you to follow a list of rules. You cant live up to them all anyway...not on your own. The whole point to the Law is for you to see that apart from Jesus, you cannot do any of it. The Law does nothing but turn you back to Him for the answers.

Instead, Jesus wants a relationship. not just a "Oh God, help me...I cant pay my electric payment" or whatever. He wants an intimate relationship...one where you call Him Abba (Daddy). Sure, He is your Lord. But with that, this Lord wants an intimate relationship with YOU. And guess what?

If you are hanging out with Him, you CANNOT sin!! It is impossible to sin if you are following and relating with Jesus. We sin when we turn away from Him, when we try to do our own thing. Remember, there are two people who have walked on water. Jesus of course...but also Peter. But what happened to Peter when he looked away from Jesus? He began to sink. As long as Peter had his eyes clearly focused on Jesus, then Peter himself had the power to walk on water...thru Jesus Christ!

It is why I now sign all of my posts with "In His arms." It is because it is there that I desire to remain. I have learned that even if it feels good at the time, it will always come back to hurt me if it is not of God. Always. So, I would rather not make my own decisions anymore! Not independent of Him. Am I doing that yet? Not entirely. I still struggle against my flesh. But everytime that I fall and try to do it my way, I look up and realize He is still holding out His arms. And I just jump back and and begin again.

This struggle need not be the struggle yo uare defining. Satan wants you to believe these things. "Quick, Habiba...save yourself. You are walking on water...that isnt possible. Look down and see. Dont look at Jesus, He is just trying to drown you." And we look away...and we begin to sink and drown...and then somehow, we blame God for it.

What does God want? He wants YOU. He wants a relationship. He wants to be with you in your every step, in your every decision, in your every joy and your every pain. Not a list of rules. Not a God who just wants to blame you for doing wrong. But a God who goes over and above...who loves you so much that He takes your transgressions onto Himself because He just wants to sit next to that fireplace and talk with you.

It is the highlight of His day. Is it the highlight of yours?

In His arms.

One more quick story my pastor said one day...

A 16 year old girl was out with friends one Friday night. It was getting late, and one of the boys said "Hey, I know a bar we can get into...the guy there will let us in the back." The girl responded "I am not going...my dad would not approve. Please take me home." The guy said sarcastically "What...are you afraid your dad is gonna hurt you?"

"No," she said, "I'm afraid I will hurt my dad."

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It's not a list of rules, Habiba. It is a relationship. Remember...when an unbeliever sins, he sins against his Creator. But when a believer sins, he sins against his Father. Which is something entirely different.

In His arms.

Excellent post! I have tried to say the same things to my WW (Habiba) and somehow didn't say it right, and now she believes I think that "real Christians don't have affairs," when what I really meant was you cannot walk the path of light and the path of darkness at the same time. Of course Christians sin, fall down, fail. But not while we are walking with Jesus with our eyes on Him. It's when we take our own good, our happiness or whatever into our own hands, not trusting God to be there for us, or not understanding what He is there for in the first place.
I am encouraged by all this. My call is to walk the high path of discipleship, whether or not my wife walks it with me, "to whatever end." And the end will be glorious and worth all of the "light and momentary struggles" here.

And knowing that now...then you will have joy in the midst of trials.

Remember, joy and happiness are NOT the same things.

In His arms.

I updated my main post. I am not only gaining strength, but hope, not really for anything my wife has said but rather for who God is and what He is about. To anyone struggling, keep your eyes on Jesus and have hope!

Habiba, are you back from your "weekend off?"

What are your thoughts? What are you doing to surrender your life to Christ?

Talk with us Habiba.

ForeverHers, is correct, habiba...we are here for you; talk to us. The best thing you can do to get on track is to post and solicit advice here

We've started counseling with the Harley's...hopefully will get some renewed strength and hope there.

Otherwise, we're ok. Sorry I've not written...have been busy and really tired.

Habiba, I am very happy for you; take one day at a time. I will continue to pray for you.