Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72 |
after 2+ moths post d-day and wh leaving home twice, finally agreed to write NC letter. HOWEVER, he emailed it to OW on work email acct (let me read it) and it did not go according to SAA guidelines. It simply said that he and I were going to work past our differences and save our marriage and that they could have no further contact. He also said that boss was supportive of NC and she should forward all business concerning WH to boss.
Do you think I should let sleeping dogs lie, or should he re-do NC letter? I only fear that a revised NC letter will lead OW to believe that NC letter is another attempt at contact. Really confused as to what the next move should be!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
I for one don't care much for no contact letters it is the ACTION of no contact I care about...
dead on calculating NO CONTACT
do not revise..it make you look focused on her...
is your hubby in counseling
is commiting to recovery
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72 |
hubby has agreed to counseling and is FINALLY committed to recovery. The last time he left I decided to Plan B w/o a letter and it finally brought him out of the fog he has been under the past 2 months. He agreed to NC (had agreed before, but never wrote a letter), gave me email password, agreed to counseling, and is looking for another job. I feel like he has finally seen the light after realizing that I would not pine away for him ( I also put his stuff out and contacted an attorney the last time he left) I think those things made him realize that I did NOT have a revolving door policy.
Im just hoping this will not turn out to be a FALSE recovery- I have no reason to believe that right now, Ive just read stories on MB about false recoveries, so Im keeping my eyes wide open!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
false recoveries are sad and scary...
but don't sweat the words of a no contact letter...it is the actions of no contact that matter...
has he agreed to tell you if/when she tries to contact...
you know the search for c l o s u r e ....
ARK
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977 |
I actually LOVE the part of the letter that says to forward work email through the boss... that TRULY is a stroke of genius on his part -- sends a very, VERY strong message.
Listen to ark, she knows what she's talking about... just wanted to put my thoughts in the mix...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72 |
New beginnings- not sure what to make of your comment- hoping you mean he did a good thing. Im just so keen to sarcasm right now, i hope you dont think he was just telling her not to email.
ark- he did agree to tell me if/when she attempts to make contact. I have access to the work and personal email accts and the boss has called me everytime hubby has set foot in the office. Boss has agreed to act as a liaison if business ever needs to be conducted via the office, as he has given hubby his blessing to never darken the door there again.
Boss and boss's wife are personal friens- really helped in exposure and boss has agreed to hold hubby accountable in NC efforts. He has also told me that he will let me know if he finds out about any contact.
I think we are on the way to recovery here!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
sounds really really good...
and know that if he is there...because you went plan b...
which gives him 100000000000000% freedom to do and choose as he pleases...
and he chose to come back...that is a very very good thing
Last edited by ark^^; 04/07/06 02:23 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Wow - an employer with ethics! Be very, very thankful for this. Rare indeed. Does this company have a stock ticker........? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 977 |
Ohmygosh, I wasn't being sarcastic AT ALL! It was a stroke of genius, and like WAT said, I'm very impressed with his boss!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 589
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 589 |
Hiya, cantgiveup. How have you been? I'm glad to hear of what is happening with you and WS. Hope all is well. Take care.
LLG=Living, Learning, Growing formerly reallyconcerned
Trying to stop fearing and start living
BS-35
WS-33
kids, yes
1 D-day 8/2003, 2nd D-day 1/2006
Current status:
Working in Plan A.
|
|
|
|
1 members (rossini),
1,003
guests, and
67
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,520
Members72,026
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
