H moved out last night. Signed a lease on apt. for 9 mos. Wants to use this time away from me to see if he really wants to be with me and marriage.

I'm still doing plan A for myself, but am having a very hard time with my imagination. Wondering constantly if he's with her, where is he now since he won't be home here, etc. etc. He still denies the EA, possible PA, says just friends.

How do I stop this mind torture? And do I go to plan B?

OK, PLK - the timing for Plan B may be right.

How long has it been since d-day?

Has all exposure been accomplished?

Do you believe you've already done a pretty good job of demonstrating your Plan A improvements to the extent he would let you?

Do you have binding arrangements for finances, child custody (don't know if you have any), division of assets?

WAT

D day's about a month.

Haven't told OWH as not much concrete proof, just phone calls, but I suspect.

I'm not done improving myself or the home yet, but that will take more time. He's not here to see it anyway.


Yes we have kids.

OK, not time for Plan B.

Tell OWH what you suspect. you're not sure, but you're being safe. DO NOT tell your h that you're doing this. If you're correct, OWH will note a change in his wife now that your H has moved out.

Get the house in shape and invite him over often. Fix his fav meal.

How old are the kids?

Contact an attorney for a free consultation to learn what's available for legal protection. If your H questions this, tell him you're not interrested in divorce, but you and the kids need protection.

Do you have a lot of liquid assets that your H could spend? Joint credit cards? Who controls the finances? Do you own your home or rent?

How do you know the identity of OW? Exactly what evidence do you have?

WAT

PLK,

I went back and read most of your old posts. I am glad that you finally seem to be calming down. There is already one member of your family running about spouting craziness, don't be the other. Your children need you and they need a calm, loving rational mother.

I think you are in denial regards his "possible" A. My suggestion( and much cheaper than PI's, GPS's etc.) is to offer him a win/win situation. If he passes a polygraph regarding his relationship with OW, he wins everything except child support. If he flunks, you(the BS) get everything . But he still wins because he will have the OW.

After his jaw is picked up off the floor, he will accept the challenge. Be prepared to immediatley tell him that you have already made arrangements with a local polygrapher( look up one locally and remember name and address) and that you arrainged an appointment for 9 am tomorrow morning.

Then stand back and don't say another word.

And yes, I am a BIG fan of a proper Plan B when a WS moves out of the house.

OK, I've read some of your older posts.

First thing first: STOP believing the "just friends" stuff.

STOP even ASKING about the OW. It's an affair plain and simple.

STOP believing that snooping the cell phone records "caused" him to leave.

Take the cell phone records and show OWH. Correction - take him copies of the records.

Take steps to protect your assets.

WAT

I will thanks. Have to see how to get a hold of the OWH.

He changed his mind. Up until recently he said the M was 100% over. Now he's considering a trial sep. Won't exposing to OWH piss him off and then no chance of reconcilliation?

Now how do I stop this mind torture thinking about what they are doing now that he's in his own place? I'm drivng myself crazy, even while I'm keeping busy!

Use "thought interupt" techniques.

I used to visualize a stop sign everytime I thought of a cigarette. After a while I just got ticked off and refused to allow the thought to come at all.

You have to believe, to have hope that your marriage will be restored...and to know that you are doing everything possible to save it.

Thinking about him/OW will render this impossible so that is why I keep saying the WS/OP MUST become irrelevant at this time.

It's all about you now and working your plan.

It takes great mental strength and discipline, but if you don't get control over where you allow your thoughts to go you will be rendered into a desparate heap on the floor, and this won't help your plan any.

Concentrate on creating attraction to keep your mind off the negative torture thoughts.

I'm really routing for you PLK and I know you can do this.

Thanks! I need a pep talk every now and then.


I do know what I have to do, just easier said than done.


I've never been strong.

Nobody would be strong one month after the bomb, but you just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Just learn everything you can about Plan A and show your best side always.

Cry and vent here, not to him.

PLK: It may sound strange, but the best way to deal with your worries is to simply accept the fact that the answer to all your questions right now is YES.

YES he is seeing his OW.

YES she is coming over to his place.

YES they are sleeping together.

YES he is having an affair.

You are going crazy trying to convince yourself that the answers *might* somehow be "no", but your gut is screaming at you that of course that is not the case. Once you calmly face the truth that yes, the worst has happened, and you realize that yes, you are still alive and breathing, you will feel like a great weight has lifted from your shoulders.

As Dr. Phil says, you can't change what you don't acknowledge. Once you have the courage to face the truth like the ugly beast that it is, THEN you will find a way to deal with it, wrestle it down, and kill it -- one way or the other.

The people here will help you with this. It is not your fault that your husband made the choices he made. That is 100% on him. So, just face the truth and get that weight off your shoulders. Then you can roll up your sleeves and get to work taking back control of your life.
Mulan