I know there's couples out there that remarry.

My now ex-wife tells me to have faith in us. She says she wants this divorce to go and take care of herself for some time and heal. She sees us getting back together after she's healed and accomplished some things for herself.

I would love for this to be true and believe she sincerely believes this. She's gone to counceling with me, has let me use her parents as a source of support, tells me not to tell my family about our divorce, and has even left the Christmas decorations with me because "she's that optimistic." Last night she held me when we fell asleep for the first time in 2 months. We've had 3 consecutive positive days and had a very civil divorce using a mediator. She sees us continuing to see each other while we're apart, has offered to move close to me so I can see the kids regularly. I've implemented parts of the 180 which has caused her to respond quite a bit and seems to be what she responds to the most.

She's 26 and we have 3 kids. We married when she was 21 and I believe that 2 wars, 3 kids, living overseas, and an overbearing mother in law (my mom) made her very unhappy. I believe this is a maturity issue and she is desperate to "find" herself. I went through something similar when we were dating and broke up with her for 4 months. I came back after our breakup and we have been together since.

I just want to know if anyone out there has reconciled successfully with their spouses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I wish I had some insightful input here but I do not. 26 is very yound in my opinion. She is the same age as my stbx's ow. (one of his many, but his one right now). she said a lot of the same things to her now exhusband. (he is her ex because she and my h have been having an affair and he found out last year) anyway, another woman who just doesn't know what she wants. she told her h the same things, I need to go find myself, I need to be alone for awhile, after I get having some fun out of my system I will be back, etc. My h lives with her for now (all his stuff is still here but that is another post) and my h is now in iraq. I think she regrets her decisions at times. Her exh has now moved on and I know for a fact she still texts him, etc... is lonely I am sure, misses what he can give her that my h cannot.

There are those who do reconcile but I think it takes a lot of work on both parties parts. I have no opinion I guess. Just be careful. You wouldn't want the same mistakes happening twice. Be strong. mlhb

I tried twice, both times as she puts it could not get OM out of her mind. Sometimes I still have hope, but also I got to think about moving on. My WW will never be the person whom I married, and if we were to try a third time, it would be very difficult to lay trust, honesty, an a committment. Always will be in the back of my mind , is she over OM.
This is an excerpt from Peggy Vaughn:
My experience with hundreds of people during the last twenty years shows that the chances for rebuilding trust depend on some basic behaviors on the part of the person who had an affair:
--severing all contact with the third party
--answering all your questions
--hanging in while you deal with the understandable emotions
--respecting your need to talk with others about this life-altering experience
--going to counseling with you if they wish to get professional help
--being willing to "report in" as to their whereabouts
--accepting that it will take a long time for you to trust again
But there is hope that by actively working together, you can come through this with a stronger relationship and greater trust than you had before. A crisis like this provides a chance to "get it right"—something most of us didn't really do in the first place when we had a kind of "blind trust" and just assumed everything would work out all right.

It is possible that you could find each other again, but it depends. I would have to say in your case it looks doubtful.

Why do I say that? It is because you do not have to divorce to find each other. Your wife is doing it so she can go out and shag other men.

This happened to one of my good friends. His wife started dating before he knew anything was wrong and she was sleeping with other men. She ended up leaving him and her kids for another man and they divorced. She was never happy after that and of course her affair ended.

In my opinion your wife is still young and she wants to divorce you because she wants to date and sleep with other men because she probably feels like she missed that in her life.

IMVHO I think she wants to keep your hope alive just in case. She may find out it isn't any better after dating. I don't think she wants to close the door on you just in case the single life does not work out for her. Of course she may find out that things are not any better without you and she wants to be able to come back.

In other words she wants her cake and she wants to be able to eat it too. If she wants to divorce be prepared to move on.