I have posted here before. At this point I am so unsure of my emotions/feelings right now I am not sure I am in the right place to post a message like this...I don't recall ever reading something similar.....

I am SAD, CONFUSED, disqusted, angry, bitter....and you know what it's all towards myself. I hate myself not only for what I have done to my family but what I have done to myself over the 39 years of my (so called) life.

I have no where to turn....my family hasn't a clue, I have no friends, just acquiantances at work. I am so lost.

I thought tonight, "God, don't even let me die in a fiery crash just let my body become dust and ash so my H can just sweep me off the porch and out of his life.

This is how I feel - for the first time in my life I know what is wrong - I HAVE NO SOUL....I am empty.

I don't even know why I am posting....I just haven't been able to stop sobbing and the feeling of "getting sick" is getting nearer and nearer.

I just want to disappear forever. My children and H would be SO much better off without me.

S&C67 What's wrong? Are you alone right now? Or are you hiding from everyone? Do you need to talk?

Thanks for your concern.....You are a BS, I am a WW....You DON'T want to hear my disqusting (sp?) story!

I just need to vent -

(((((((((((((sadandconfused))))))))))))))

Is there anything in particular that brought this on? You might need to see your doctor, or are you already taking some anti-depressants?

Thank you though, for chiming in...

God Bless you - I don't know how you BS go through this, and live to tell about it.

SandC67 - Call the Samaritans. You sound like you need some real help tonight. There is no way your children will be better off without you in their lives. Try to stop crying and make that phonecall. TT

Even though that's how you feel right now, that does not make it the truth. There is always hope.

Please call 1-800-784-2433 for some help through these tough moments. And visit www.hopeline.com for some support.

Best wishes,
SD

I am on AD.....I think it's a combination of withdrawl AND owning what I have done. Not just the A, but taking a good, long look at my life, which I have never done before.

I guess no one ever said that recovery was going to be easy.

Hey, I have BEST friends that are former WS. THere is NO judgemet. We are hear to listen and to help. Talk to us.

You sound so desperate. I am concerned, deeply for you.

I hope this may help...it has helped me through many difficult times.

My confirmation verse:

Be strong and of good spirit for the Lord thy God is with thee wherever thou goest.

God IS with you right now. You are not alone.

How can we help?

Tell you what...I talk to God I don't know how many times a day, and it's not changing anything and that is hurting me more than anything.

The thoughts in my mind go back and forth, I can't get a grasp on it.

Where is HE??? Why isn't he helping me?

(((S&C67))) It is ALWAYS hard ot lok at yourself and see the mistakes. BUT it is the bravest and the most admirable thing you cna EVER do. NOt only for yourself but for our fmaily. Just hang in there. I have been in that fram of mind myself. Vent away!

S&C,

Of course we want to hear your story. Spill S&C.

But, more importantly you ARE important to both your children and your H you just don't see it now. But, tonight just ask your H to hold you, and keep you close to him. I would bet good money the man will do that.

Ask your kids to give you a hug, or sit on your lap if they are small, they will do it in a heart beat. Do you know why? They love you and NEED you.

Give them a chance to help you like you have helped them in the past. It is part of being married and it is part of having a family. They support each other. Let them do their jobs S&C. Let them bring you back to who are, their mother, and his W.

God Bless,

JL

Perhaps I am the "unsave-able" type. Who knows. I'v done too much damage to myself and others. Maybe it's too late.

Actually WS are welcome here too, so long as their goal is marriage building. You have many unique insights that can help BS understand their WS.

You will encounter some bitter people who will not be at all supportive of you. But that should not scare you away. I know you are feeling terrible right now, but it will pass. Take the advice already given to you. Make that call. Talk to a live person. Then keep posting here so we can help you too.

I know, I have felt abandoned by God more than once in my life. I wondered, "WHY, did I get THIS verse?". After the situation cleared though, I ALWAYS found that He WAS right there. All along.

I can't explain it any other way.

You can vent here. Whether we are WS or BS we all understand this pain.

We are all here to help. (Praying for you now...)

You people are truly unbelievable - in a such a Godly, good way. How did you all get to the spiritual place that you in?

Why do I feel like God is so sick of hearing me cry out for help - because I never do anything to help myself?

One day I am totally on the straight and the next....you know where I am going with this.

We are all sinful. And we are ALL forgiven.

There is no such thing as an unsave-able type. God can do miraculous things. Sometimes, though, we have to be broken before we can begin anew.

1-800-273-8255 You can reach someone at this number.

Dearest S and C,

You are loved, highly valued, and beautiful. (((SC)))

God has a purspose for your life, and believe me, it is something that ONLY YOU can do. Without you, there would be a gaping hole in the universe, this country, your parents and brothers and sisters, your husband and most of all, your children's lives.

What purpose could there possibly be for those of us who have made mistakes? Great and glorious tasks, tasks set aside for the courageous, for the survivors, for those who have looked despair in the face and have lived to tell about it.

Advice from a person who has never wallowed in despair or pain is very different than encouragement from a person who has "come back from the dead," so to speak.

I am a WW, too. My story's pretty ugly so far. But if God is anything like I hope He is, then He hasn't given up on me, and He hasn't given up on you, either! He has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. That means NEVER, not even when we are at our lowest point.


I can assure you of this: Before you were born, God looked down the halls of eternity and saw this day, these past few months. He knew you would be here. And He said, "I know what is to come for her. I still want to watch her be born, to be a little girl, to walk the earth, to give and receive love throughout her life. And when she falls, when she thinks that there is no longer any hope, I will be RIGHT THERE to catch her, and wrap My arms around her, and I will love her. And there will be ****** to pay for the Enemy who has wounded her so badly!"

God is a warrior. He is strong and loving. And He will defend you to the death...He has already, by the death of Jesus.

Hold your chin up. Hide behind Him, behind His strength, His love, and let Him fight this battle on your behalf. That's what it means to be a daughter of the Kingdom. You are his daughter.

I love you.